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What to do in this relationship?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hia guys.

I'm new on this forum and had a little look about it seems fab. Sound advice has been given and I would love some advice to come my way with regards to a relationship I'm in.

I haven't been with my boyfriend for that long. When we first met, I felt as if I was on Cloud 9. He works, doesn't drive, does quite a lot of sporting activities whilst I'm doing my studies and drive and probably have more spare time than he does.

Anyway, we saw each other often and it was a great feeling. I picked him up from work, spent some time with him and then dropped him off at whatever he had to do.

Now lately there are several things which I'm starting to become slightly wary of.

For a little while, I feel like I'm being shoved aside for several things ie football, the lads (which I don't mind but I feel like he's forgotten I'm about) and worst of all, poker.:mad:
I understand he enjoys his sport, in fact I understand most boys do! However, a lot of boys I know still managed to find time for the girlfriends. He's gotten himself into trouble with poker and I'm not sure on what which is really starting to annoy me as I'm worried for him.

Also, some little comments which he makes can wind me up. He says he "can't wait for our first arguement". Is this odd? I'm someone who hates argueing and would much rather sit down and resolve the issue whereas he seems to be someone who properly blows his top. I'm quite frightened by the thought of it. According to him, everything is easier after the first tiff.

My last relationship didn't end very well as my ex decided to leave me for another girl. I now have it implanted in my head that he's going to do the same. Pathetic I know and I'm my best to try and forget the past and just focus on the future. New relationship, new start. But when I have my boyfriend constantly saying how popular he has been with the ladies, it does grate on me a bit.

I haven't heard from him since Monday and many people would say not to worry about it. I sent him a little text in the evening and didn't expect a reply off him as he has no credit. However, I did ask him to ring me which he didn't do. He may have no credit but he has a house phone.

I have no idea when I'm next going to see him and I'm not going to nag him. We are different people in that he's loud, quite confident and can actually come across as arrogant whereas I'm a lot more quiet and take a little while to come out of my shell.

My gut feeling says to keep in there he is worth it. They say your gut feeling is never wrong. I would really appreciate any advice. I'm probably looking into things far too much and need a massive kick up the bum. I really like him and I asked him if he was happy with me and he said yes. That just isn't enough to reassure me.

Cookies to those you managed to finish reading it!:)



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate it when partner doesnt bother with contacting when youre not physically seeing each other...and you end up making all the effort. I know what you mean, it does make one feel as if the partner never really gives a toss when youre not around.

    You sound fairly similar to me, not amazingly loud and confident but appreciates the feeling that someone close is thinking about you and prepared to make the same effort to tell you this.
    I had this problem with a past relationship (which lasted several years), but after a time i got used to the lack of his effort and our relationship just faided away.

    Its great to see that you care about him, but it works both ways.
    Maybe he is worth it, and he doesnt realise how unhappy you are?
    How long have you guys been going out? you say it hasnt been too long..
    Perhaps give it a bit longer, but also let him know how much you love hearing from him when youre not able to see each other to give him a nudge?

    Not sure if ive been much help here, but i hope it gets better :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I appreciate your words nelly_bar.

    We've been going out for a month now, told you it wasn't long! I haven't heard from him since I saw him on Monday so I don't know what to do? Whether I should leave him or...?

    I hate feeling like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you said your gut feeling was to hang in there, but I'm not convinced that's true...to me, the fact that you posted here and the last line of your last post "I hate feeling like this" says otherwise. To me, it sounds like he's not being as considerate of you as you are of him. I know you guys have only been together a short time, and maybe if you talk through how you feel things might get better, but relationships must be based around mutual give and take and it sounds like you're worried this is already lacking at such an early stage.

    Deep down, only you know if you are truly happy in this relationship - obviously all relationships have their problems, but it sounds like the honeymoon "cloud 9" feeling has worn off for you awfully quickly and I think you sound like someone who deserves to be treated well and appreciated as much as you seem to appreciate your boyfriend.

    Again, not sure I've been a whole lot of help, but I hope things work themselves out for you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is this how you really want to live?

    Is this the type of relationship you really want?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just don't know what to do to be honest, my head says leave it, my heart says hang on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually find that once the heart and the head are saying things in a rel it's the time to move on.

    You really haven't been together long and if things are always feeling like this it's never going to change. This is the time in the rel that you should both be going out of your way to make and effort and be nice to the other person and it sounds like he just isn't doing that.

    If you do really want to give it a go then you need to sit him down and explain how you're feeling to him. Let him know that you need to hear from him more, spend more time doing coupley things etc, otherwise he'll just carry on doing what he's doing and seeing how much he can get away with having a gf for when he wants and not the rest of the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To me, the question is:

    "Is he doing things any differently from when you first met?"

    If it's just your expectations have changed, and his activities are still the same, then I think the problem is yours.

    If the time he dedicates to his own pursuits has increased and is indeed pushing you to the side, then I think the message is clear he isn't willing to give you the time.

    Either way, to be like this after only a month is not a good sign at all, and I think you should cut and run.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you need to have the self confidence to not accept second best.

    After a month you should be absolutely on cloud nine with each other. The fact hes waiting for your first argument and is now ignoring you, should be ringing very very loud alarm bells. To be honest, it sounds like hes not actually that interested. You deserve better
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In a way you are right. I have spoken more to my ex in the past two days than my cuurent boyfriend. That's a bit grim.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I must say that as a bloke, I've experienced this before. Except it went on for quite a while until I lost my tether.

    In my previous relationship, I admit that I did like to spend some time with my friends, drinking, playing pool, watching the footy, etc but by girlfriend rarely said it was a problem. In fact, I used to make an effort to see her nearly every day whereas I was lucky if I could see my friends more than once a week most of the time.
    However, there were many times where she would simply refuse to even speak to me for a matter of days, out of the blue. Something like a relative visiting the family house or a doctor's appointment would mean that she was out of touch for nearly a week sometimes. it was awkward to say the least.
    It seemed like a relaionship to her was by now of no interest to her. I didn't want to believe that at the time, but looking back on it now, I feel pretty nieve holding that viewpoint. Well I put up with that sort of nonsense for months on end.

    You might have found that you were once happy in the relationship you have now, but that was then, and it does sound like things ahve already lost their sparkle from his point of view. Whether that's true or not, he's clearly not delivering for you anymore.

    You can do what I did and hope things will get better, but if he ain't paying attention, frankly you aught to move on. Life's too short for all that nonsense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that you are over expecting things.
    let things happen as time passes by, & i think you do need some more time to decide about this relationship
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