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Girls - Do I have a second chance? And what should I do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK sorry if this becomes a bit long, but I want to put the whole story across! Thanks in advance for your patience :)

Back in January I was on a work lunchbreak so went to get some food down the road, and whilst I was queuing this girl came in who just stole my attention immediately. Somehow it just came naturally to me to start chatting to her (I never do that!!), and we ended up spending lunch together. We chatted for ages, and it was clear we had loads in common and we swapped details before bidding goodbye. We met up again the next week, and arranged to meet the week after too. Sadly this was a really busy time for me as work was crazy and I had loads of other stuff on, so we couldn't meet up more often than this.

For our third date we went to see PS I Love You, and afterwards I suggested we go out for a drink. I wasn't intending on staying out late as I had a critical day in work the next day, but one drink turned into a massive bar crawl and we kissed for the first time. She said how much she liked me, and got a bit emotional and didn't seem to believe I could feel the same (I later found out she has confidence issues, but I didn't realise this at the time!!). I went home with her as she was pretty far gone by the end of the night (and I wasn't far behind in the drunkness stakes), but then it became apparent she wanted to sleep with me... now I've never been in a relationship before, and wanted so badly for this one to work out as by now I was head-over-heels about her, I didn't want this to be some drunken mistake and far too early and risk that it seemed I took advantage. So I didn't sleep with her, though I did stay the night.

The next morning (Friday) I woke up late with her in my arms, but I had to run into work and had no idea where we were - I was hungover, disorientated, didn't think, and just kissed her goodbye and bolted promising I'd be in touch. To be honest, the moment I shut her front door I did realise maybe I should have called in sick and stayed so we could have talked but it was just one of those days I had to be in and I seriously wasn't thinking straight. I rang her that evening to try to arrange a time to meet up again, but I was about to leave to be away all weekend, then she was with her parents after that (I already knew that), and then I had to go to Zimbabwe with work just as she came back. So I realised that we would'nt see each other for 3 weeks, and even more annoyingly my work trip meant I missed valentines day. Before that we texted and spoke a lot, but the moment I went away it went all quiet despite my best efforts. Ultimately I came back, arranged to meet her, but later she texted saying that she wanted to meet still but as friends as she had started dating someone else she used to know at school. It was around this time I found out that my previous restraint might have given her the wrong signals, and I was completely devastated about this. However, I told her that it was probably a good idea and not to worry herself about me, as I was so busy anyway with my life that it was all a bit unfair on her, though I did just say this to make us feel better (it didn't work for me... I hurt a lot after this).

However I didn't want to get in between her and this other guy, but a month later she dumped him as she found out he'd already got a girlfriend who was abroad. I decided to stay low-key, and then she graduated and moved away so we didn't have much opportunity to see each other at all.

I spent the summer :banghead: over February a lot in my quiet moments, regretting it hugely, but I kept in touch with her and gradually we e-mailed more and more, and then she invited me down to see her in the town she's now working. So last weekend I went. It was a lovely weekend. We just spent the whole time together; we chatted endlessly as we used to, and it just felt so *right*. We just seemed to be really 'couply' all weekend, and it was wonderful. We pedalloed on the lake, had a take-away together (hell we even managed to pick exactly the same thing on a 200-item menu!), watched saturday night trash, went out for a good dance and took lots of silly photos of each other, sat up til 4am chatting and eating chocolate, etc. She let me share her bed despite having a spare, then we lay there chatting til 1pm the next day but sadly I had to come back in the early afternoon. She jumped at my suggestion that we go for a weekend away in Europe somewhere soon, and since then we have had a couple of lengthy conversations on the phone.

I'm 23yrs old, she's 22. I feel so strongly that we are so right together, it hurts. I've never had a relationship before, and this is the strongest I've ever felt for someone. But now we live quite far apart (but not impossibly, I'd have no problem seeing her at weekends and even midweek the odd night) and I have no idea where to go from here. I really want to talk about my feelings with her and find out what she feels too, but can't do it over the phone. Also I really don't know how I'm even going to see her next bar this proposed holiday (she's left to me to organise!) without risking looking presumptious, but I don't want to risk waiting and her finding someone else again.

Do you think I have another chance with her, and how should I go about this? I am completely inept as you can tell...

Thanks in advance :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like she really likes you and you really like her. Sometimes you've just got to throw caution to the wind and jump in feet first. Go on this holiday with her (maybe phone her to organise it with her too) and things will probably develop naturally. Good luck :thumb:

    Oh and yes I think you have more than a chance with her by the sounds of things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just wanted to say that is so romantic and you are a very sweet, genuine, kind man and she is a very lucky woman. There are not a lot out there like you.

    I'm sure she feels the same way about you. I agree with Shyboy; things will happen naturally and all will become clear on this holiday.

    I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 months. We were friends beforehand for a few years. He lives in London, I live near Bristol. We see each other on weekends mostly, or sometimes we take time off and see each other in the week. It is tough but it's worth it and what helps is the thought that when we are both ready and sorted we can live together. Long distance relationships can work.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Go Get Her!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    Go Get Her!

    :D :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheer guys for the replies :)

    Your advice rings so true to me at the moment; today an old friend of mine died suddenly. He was only 28, but it just brings home how short life can be and dithering about only wastes it.

    Now I just need to work out how to see her next, as this holiday might be over a month or two off...

    Thanks again :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You should tell her you want to be with her before the holiday otherwise she might be wondering if anything will happen or not. It sounds like you're pretty much there already!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote: »
    You should tell her you want to be with her before the holiday otherwise she might be wondering if anything will happen or not. It sounds like you're pretty much there already!

    Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn :banghead: :banghead:

    I was going to see her this weekend and talk about things, and arranged to meet her where her family live in Wales, but I came into work today and to cut a long story short they've asked me to go to blooming Zimbabwe again tomorrow. It would be really difficult for work if I didn't, but I have a big deja vu feeling about this.... flights are booked now so I can't change my mind :(:(

    I can see the regrets of February happening all over again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is so nice, you sound like you're made for each other.

    Can't she go away with you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lexilex wrote: »
    This is so nice, you sound like you're made for each other.

    Can't she go away with you?


    No offence meant here, but why would anyone want to go to zimbabwe!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    No offence meant here, but why would anyone want to go to zimbabwe!

    Or more importantly it's not really very appropriate for her to come on a work trip with you - but i'd phone her and explain the situation - ask her to come up to see you off at the airport and tell her then how you feel - gogogo
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK I managed to get out if it by sorting the problem from this end after a frantic day. I then walked in this morning and there was another problem so they wanted me to go this afternoon (seriously my boss is insane) and I got into a bit of bother over it, but the upshot is I'm not going!!

    So I've given up 2 weeks in the sun all expenses paid because of an afternoon in rainy Wales to see a girl, and she'll probably never know the blood I sweated to arrange that haha.

    Anyway hopefully I can sort out where we stand tomorrow if the time's right, wish me luck!! (we spoke for 2hrs on the phone twice this week... surely that's a good sign??)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    No offence meant here, but why would anyone want to go to zimbabwe!

    Its a lovely country actually; I went back in February and would dearly like to go back again. The people are so nice and it is a beautiful place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Krigo85 wrote: »
    OK I managed to get out if it by sorting the problem from this end after a frantic day. I then walked in this morning and there was another problem so they wanted me to go this afternoon (seriously my boss is insane) and I got into a bit of bother over it, but the upshot is I'm not going!!

    So I've given up 2 weeks in the sun all expenses paid because of an afternoon in rainy Wales to see a girl, and she'll probably never know the blood I sweated to arrange that haha.

    Anyway hopefully I can sort out where we stand tomorrow if the time's right, wish me luck!! (we spoke for 2hrs on the phone twice this week... surely that's a good sign??)

    Good luck dude, after all of that i really do hope it goes well for you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go tell her how you feel, and let her feel what's inside your heart ;) . Nothin is wrong with being YOU falling in love, finally!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK I had a great day with her; I was only planning on staying for a few hours, but I end I spent most of the day there and ended up having dinner with her parents!! She said they liked me, and from talking to them they seemed to know all about me already - so all signs are good! Though i didn't feel it was the right time to discuss our situation whilst on her home turf. However, she suggested we have a weekend in Scotland together, which also happens to be where I live (well where my parents live) so that will be the time I think.

    I decided not to push it, basically, as I'm rather confident it seems to be developing nice and slowly, and *touch wood* nothing has gone awry yet. I have a new-found patience lol.
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