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Is it daft to have been freaked out by this?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So yesterday I was walking to the bus stop with my girlfriend, and we were holding hands and a couple of guys starting shouting "Can we join in the fun?" and stuff like that.

I was really upset by this but my girlfriend laughed it off and tried to kiss me. Her bus showed up so she got mad that I didn't kiss her goodbye, and ran away. I was then left not knowing if I was being followed to walk the 5 mins to where I was meant to be.

I'm still a little bit freaked about the whole thing, it's not something that's happened to me since I moved a couple of years ago.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My opinion, to make it short:

    your g/f did the right thing and your reaction - if appropriate or not - kinda was liable for some kind of conflict between you and your g/f.

    So the right thing would objectively be: shrug it off, because it would cost too much a nerve to be upset about every random idiot and it might just be easier on your partner to show you are not ashamed for him/her, or your homosexual relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    groups of rowdy blokes look for any reason to shout stuff at women, it doesn't mean anything - they're just showing off infront of each other. Just shrug it off and forget about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rowdy blokes will try say anything to try and upset people. I can see why it would have intimidated you and freaked you out a bit, but the best course of action is to ignore them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a couple of blokes whistle at my girlfriend whilst walking back from the train station. We both ignored it and carried on. Best way really.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh I wouldn't worry about that, it's all macho posturing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    These blokes are probably the same sort of sad cases who get a hard-on by looking at a picture of two "lesbians" wearning next to nothing in lads mags. Move along people, nothing to see here.

    I just wonder if they would have been as vocal if they'd seen two men holding hands in the street. Not bloody likely.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dontcha know. you should have been flattered!! ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you were justified in feeling awkward. There's nothing more offputting than men (or women, though I have never experienced it, it must happen) hollering at you when you're with a same sex partner. It can be scary, or upsetting... It's like they're telling you that your relationship is dirty, or unjustified, or profane... :Like there is something less serious or important about you because of who you choose to love (when it's not their fucking business tbh).

    I don't really know what to say Piccolo, apart from I hope you are Ok. Try not to give those oafs the power to make you feel small because that's what they are trying to do.

    Just think about what insecurities they must have to try and upset complete strangers to make themselves feel big. It's pretty damn pathetic if you think about it... I still don't get why some people delude themselves that they are in some way significant enough to comment on other people's relationships.

    Pah.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    I think you were justified in feeling awkward. There's nothing more offputting than men (or women, though I have never experienced it, it must happen) hollering at you when you're with a same sex partner. It can be scary, or upsetting... It's like they're telling you that your relationship is dirty, or unjustified, or profane... :Like there is something less serious or important about you because of who you choose to love (when it's not their fucking business tbh).

    I don't really know what to say Piccolo, apart from I hope you are Ok. Try not to give those oafs the power to make you feel small because that's what they are trying to do.

    Just think about what insecurities they must have to try and upset complete strangers to make themselves feel big. It's pretty damn pathetic if you think about it... I still don't get why some people delude themselves that they are in some way significant enough to comment on other people's relationships.

    Pah.
    Woooooaaaaaaah, think you've gone a little overboard here!

    Do you honestly think that the lad shouting thought about any of the stuff you wrote above?? I very much doubt it. He's showing off in front of his mates and shouted a comment, nothing so sinister and nothing for anyone to get upset about really.

    TBH it should be flattering, he might have being having a laugh but I reckon he would most definately have wanted to "join in the fun".

    But to say he's made the comment cos he thinks the relationship is "dirty, unjustified or profane" is ridiculous IMO.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    I just wonder if they would have been as vocal if they'd seen two men holding hands in the street. Not bloody likely.
    No because they probably wouldn't want to "join in the fun"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No I dont think you were daft at all, I think just completely ignoring them in future would be a better way forward, although I hope it doesnt happen again.

    Us men arent all loud, crude and unpleasant - honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woooooaaaaaaah, think you've gone a little overboard here!

    Do you honestly think that the lad shouting thought about any of the stuff you wrote above?? I very much doubt it. He's showing off in front of his mates and shouted a comment, nothing so sinister and nothing for anyone to get upset about really.

    TBH it should be flattering, he might have being having a laugh but I reckon he would most definately have wanted to "join in the fun".

    But to say he's made the comment cos he thinks the relationship is "dirty, unjustified or profane" is ridiculous IMO.
    Sorry, but I think this is naive.

    People usually shout things like that at same sex couples usually for a reaction, or to make fun. Seeking a reaction, especially out of a stranger is about power.

    I've had it when I was with a woman. I find it to be homophobic (and sexist) behaviour because it is an attempt to devalue what I feel and make it in to comedy.

    Not worth the energy to even recognise losers like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Sorry, but I think this is naive.

    People usually shout things like that at same sex couples usually for a reaction, or to make fun. Seeking a reaction, especially out of a stranger is about power.

    I've had it when I was with a woman. I find it to be homophobic (and sexist) behaviour because it is an attempt to devalue what I feel and make it in to comedy.

    Not worth the energy to even recognise losers like that.

    I agree that they should be ignored, but I think it's not 100% homophobia because at least as others have said on here it's girls in general that get hollered at or wolf whistled. I wouldn't call it ignorance, I'd call it machismo just the same as a lot of men and women go out and have drinking contests. I had a girl do the whole come up to you and throw herself on you to get a reaction when I was in a club, it was blatant she was doing it for a laugh and to take the piss but I was still flattered that I got touched. By a girl! But that's just me. I think it's just part of the 'look at me' way people think.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    I agree that they should be ignored, but I think it's not 100% homophobia because at least as others have said on here it's girls in general that get hollered at or wolf whistled. I wouldn't call it ignorance, I'd call it machismo just the same as a lot of men and women go out and have drinking contests. I had a girl do the whole come up to you and throw herself on you to get a reaction when I was in a club, it was blatant she was doing it for a laugh and to take the piss but I was still flattered that I got touched. By a girl! But that's just me. I think it's just part of the 'look at me' way people think.
    The difference being a girl in a club...

    Not a bunch of women at a bus stop.

    The difference being you're single (I assume at the time?) and they're a couple.

    How would you feel if a group of men started shouting that kind of thing at you if you were with your girlfriend?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    How would you feel if a group of men started shouting that kind of thing at you if you were with your girlfriend?

    It's happened to me and my ladyfriend, just ignored them and walked on. Didn't feel scared or too angry as I know they're just fellas trying to be macho. I think you try too hard to find deep meanings and reasons to silly situations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    The difference being a girl in a club...

    Not a bunch of women at a bus stop.

    The difference being you're single (I assume at the time?) and they're a couple.

    How would you feel if a group of men started shouting that kind of thing at you if you were with your girlfriend?

    She was in a group of about 12 girls. And don't pretend grown women don't do it either. Clubs / street it's just the setting.

    I agree with yerascrote that you are trying to find deep meanings to silly situations, they're acting up because they want to look big and clever, not because of prejudice against homosexuals.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    She was in a group of about 12 girls. And don't pretend grown women don't do it either. Clubs / street it's just the setting.

    I agree with yerascrote that you are trying to find deep meanings to silly situations, they're acting up because they want to look big and clever, not because of prejudice against homosexuals.

    I didn't suggest women don't do it either, I know plenty of rowdy gobby women.

    I don't think it's acceptible for women to holler at men, neither is it the other way round. But when a gang of men holler at a blatantly gay couple, there is an element of power involved and they are doing it for s reaction.

    Just to remind you that it's a gang, not one guy from a group (unless I'm mistaken).

    And yes, they are trying to be big and clever... That is about power.

    I don't think there is anything 'deep' about the scenario, but I don't believe that somebody who respects the legitimacy of a same sex couple would shout things at them in a gang. I don't think that men who respect women (or women who respect men) shout at them to show their respect, they do it to gain momentary power.

    And sorry if that sounds harsh... It is by no means an attack on men, people who ID has straight or any other group. Just an analysis of the situation.

    Homophobia does not have to mean going out gay bashing, it doesn't have to mean conscious hatred, it can also be displayed through other behaviours and sometimes subconsciously when people don't realise it. The same goes for sexism, racism, transphobia and other prejudices.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yerascrote wrote: »
    It's happened to me and my ladyfriend, just ignored them and walked on. Didn't feel scared or too angry as I know they're just fellas trying to be macho. I think you try too hard to find deep meanings and reasons to silly situations.
    So you had men shouting out at you and your girlfriend if they could join in?

    I think to be honest, that it's hard to empathise if you have never been in Picollos (or any other same sex couple) situation. Because if you grow up in a minority, you're likely to face prejudice a lot more for being gay/queer/bi/trans than for being straight. That isn't to devalue your situation of course, or to patronise you.

    But the guys being macho... That's not really an excuse is it.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Yerascrote wrote: »
    It's happened to me and my ladyfriend, just ignored them and walked on. Didn't feel scared or too angry as I know they're just fellas trying to be macho. I think you try too hard to find deep meanings and reasons to silly situations.

    :yes:

    Exaclty. I've been out on the town with a missus and had lewd comments directed our way, and it's not nice but it's not something to get massively pissed off about.
    It is a macho thing not homophobia, but it's not right, and it's not going to go away so you have to learn to deal with it. Best way to deal with it is make them feel 2 inches tall with a witty comeback or ignore it.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    So you had men shouting out at you and your girlfriend if they could join in?
    I was getting Jiggy witn an ex on a beach in Tenerife in one of them little wind shack things they run watersports from (it was night and the beach was empty). I had a guy pop his head in and ask if he could join in, I laughed and told him where to go and laughed about it all holiday, no big deal!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was getting Jiggy witn an ex on a beach in Tenerife in one of them little wind shack things they run watersports from (it was night and the beach was empty). I had a guy pop his head in and ask if he could join in, I laughed and told him where to go and laughed about it all holiday, no big deal!
    Yes but it is a slightly different setting to an unlit back street in Camden (which I have to walk down to get to the bus stop)...

    I'm not sure, with hindsight, that I was wrong to have been nervous about it but I agree that most of the time it's just people being lairy. I guess I'm just conditioned to worry about the 1 time in 100 when it isn't...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was getting Jiggy witn an ex on a beach in Tenerife in one of them little wind shack things they run watersports from (it was night and the beach was empty). I had a guy pop his head in and ask if he could join in, I laughed and told him where to go and laughed about it all holiday, no big deal!

    Yes, but it is a different situation, if you get me.

    I don't blame Piccolo for feeling uncomfortable, the men were blatantly not respecting her space.

    I remember being with somebody once and two guys shouting "batti girl" at me (doesn't that mean gay?) thinking it was hilarious. Wtf? Mind your own business you sad little asshat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    I remember being with somebody once and two guys shouting "batti girl" at me (doesn't that mean gay?) thinking it was hilarious. Wtf? Mind your own business you sad little asshat.

    It does mean gay, and I've been called batty boy a few times myself (I am relatively affeminate a lot of the time lol). But that was years ago when I 15, 16 years old. I guess some people don't grow up though :(. My advice really is to just try and ignore them and not let it get to you. I know it's not the perfect solution but I don't know how else to deal with it. Apart from Skive's suggestion in another thread that a little slap does wonders :thumb: (I don't condone violence though :p)
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