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My husband visits porn sites and I don't like it
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
To make a long story short, my husband has been visiting porn sites for quite some time. I never knew it and I guess, what I didn't know didn't hurt me, BUT, now I know and I feel that everything makes sense know. I am the kind of women who really likes sex and would have it daily if we could but I have been turned down from him soooooo many times it's sick. Now, I realize when he gets home from work after a 12 plus hour day and almost an hour drive to and from work, that he is tired. Sex to him is work. I am more than willing to do the "work" though. Well anyway, we have talked about his "activities" online and how much it bothers me, why he does it and so on. He says that he's just being a boy and it's free and it's there. Yes, we still have sex, but I always initiate. He says that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful and it's not like he is going to leave me in search of one of these women, but I just can't help it, it makes me crazy. I have gone behind him after he leaves and looked at what he's looked at and now that we have talked about that, he deletes his history. I go downstairs every morning on my treadmill and bust butt to better improve myself, for myself and for him, but it kills me that while my girls are asleep and I'm downstairs, he's online viewing porn!! He says it's because of my low self esteem, but I am not so sure about that. I'm 5.3", 122#, have had two kids and look pretty good. Sure I could tone up some more, but I am presently working on it. I do feel that everytime I'm in a bra and underwear or naked in front of him that he is thinking about them and I'm not sexy and hard or have the big boobs like the other women. I guess that is low self esteem but I can't help feeling that way. He may not be viewing these sites daily but the thought of him viewing them and getting hard watching them is sickening to me. I just wish he would stop, but he won't (we've talked) and I wish that I could just get past my feelings about this. I know he loves me, but I hate that he likes to look at other naked women being @#cked, liked, etc.... I hate that I get sick to my stomach, shaky and feel icky about this. Someone please give me some advise.
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Comments
2ndly; have you thought about watching porn with him? It may help spice up your sex life
You've done well to ask for advice on this because the situation you find yourself in is really common given how readily available porn is on the internet these days. It's natural to feel miffed by the idea of a partner getting off on these kinds of images, but at the same time, one of the easiest ways to get passed it is to accept that there's usually a massive separation between someone's responses to porn and the relationship they have with their partner. This includes how they view their partner on an emotional and physical level.
Porn is generally used as a masturbation aid, and coming from the stance that masturbation is a shameless act which allows an individual to explore their fantasies in a safe and uninhibited way, people often don't take kindly to being told how they should go about it. These articles may help you to feel a bit better about the whole thing and see that you're far from alone in your concerns...
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Take care
facialbook is not a real wesbite for all those who go to check it out now
Yes, it is a toughie and it can take some time to get your head round, but as long as you are still getting the attention you need then it's something lots of couples get past.
I dont think theres anything wrong with porn, but if it starts becoming a preference to sex, then it is a problem.
i hope you manage to talk about it and get some answers.
Damn, was just about the check that out
What he is doing is, at best, insensitive and at worst completely disloyal.
It's one thing to look at porn, another to look at it together but a completely different scenario when he is choosing it in preference to his relationship with you.
Sadly I cannot offer you any words of wisdom on how you handle it because it seems that you already have done what I would suggest.
Have you thought of applying electrodes to his gonads?
While he's watching the porn?
Seriously though, I don't have any helpful advice, but good luck. I hope you and he can work it out.
I guess you are on the winning side with once per day after 22 years of partnership.
Hmm have you thought about suggesting the magic blue pill for him? I hope for your sake you have a wide range of vibrators at hand!
Cant' really offer advise it's unlikely anything you do or say will change he's ways. You clearly love this guy and have put up with he's habit for many years, guess you have to ask yourself is it worth being upset about something you can't change?
Him stopping doesn't change the way you feel about him doing it, it just means you don't have to face it. And wouldn't it be worse, if he said he stopped and you caught him, instead of saying why it bothers you, being vunerable, and then not needing to hide anything.
It's harder to be honest i think, but better for you two in the long run.
edit: Just to let you know, I'm not having a go at you, everyone has something that's a "problem" for them that wouldn't be a problem with someone else.
Could be he feels 'safer' doing it than shagging you.
You got two options really....either learn to live with it or 'pretend' to learn to live with it and not moan or nag him about it and hope he stops doing it so much and does you instead!
Or you could just disable/cut internet connection so he can't looka t porn
Thing is you need attention and your crying out for it at moment. In way you need to lock it down a bit. It's just your wounded ego making you act out, face facts that he loves you and wants you but just likes to wank too. You could grab the bull by the horns and try control when he does it....sort of turn it into a 'fun' game?
Two things will happen if things don't change. You'll get bored and cheat or he'll leave you because your on his case too much. Hope you find a nice solution where everyone wins!
Your husband is an asshole. I feel bad for you. Women just do not have to put up with juvenile pricks. When are females going to fully understand this?
He says he likes to look at other women naked. End of story. How could you even bring yourself to become intimate with someone who gives you a bullshit line like that?
He doesn't care about how you feel.
He doesn't care about you.
Don't let him, and others, fool you.
Be strong.
Self-absorption soars to dizzying heights. . .
LOL! I just noticed the date
I'll close it now.