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two girls....what to do!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi,
Have a big problem, in a long term (6yr ish) relationship with a girl thats not going amazingly well. Few weeks ago i slept with another girl who ive known for a while(1/2yr) and become very close to. She knew I had a gf, havent lied to her. Things got better with my GF so I told the girl i slept with i wanted to stay with gf and hope we could just be friends. But yet again we slept with each other again not long after saying this. So i was a bit of a tosser to be fair and said i didnt want to talk 2 her again. just because i didnt wanna be messing people about.
Now she keeps talking to me even after me being nasty to her. I miss her, im so confused what to do. Shes also moving 2hours away, which i dont really think i can deal with because all old long distance relationships have gone v badly! Feel like i need 2 not talk to her but i just cant not! Tried the friends thing, didnt work!
Sorry if seems random.:confused:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not_sure wrote: »
    Hi,
    Have a big problem, in a long term (6yr ish) relationship with a girl thats not going amazingly well. Few weeks ago i slept with another girl who ive known for a while(1/2yr) and become very close to. She knew I had a gf, havent lied to her. Things got better with my GF so I told the girl i slept with i wanted to stay with gf and hope we could just be friends. But yet again we slept with each other again not long after saying this. So i was a bit of a tosser to be fair and said i didnt want to talk 2 her again. just because i didnt wanna be messing people about.
    Now she keeps talking to me even after me being nasty to her. I miss her, im so confused what to do. Shes also moving 2hours away, which i dont really think i can deal with because all old long distance relationships have gone v badly! Feel like i need 2 not talk to her but i just cant not! Tried the friends thing, didnt work!
    Sorry if seems random.:confused:

    Sorry to hear about your relationship not going smoothly, but you really need to reach a final decision. Do you want to try to improve/fix your current relationship, or do you want to go for the new girl? You can't just go behind your GF's back and try to have the best of two worlds, it's not fair on her. If you decide to try a new relationship break up your current one first.

    You'll also need to contemplate the thought of having a long distance relationship if you wanna try a relationship with the new girl, seems you're not too keen on that from what I read. Then you'd need to consider if that potentially new relationship would be serious enough for the both of you two move closer to each other
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for replying. I know its not fair on either, do feel bad but im so confused. If i stay with gf im not sure we can improve our relationship. But if i split up with her im worried ill just end up alone because i wouldnt cope with a long distance relationship. I suppose really i should try to fix/improve our relationship.... but if i do that ill also loose chance of being with the other girl. Although i talked to her last night after posting here and she said she would wait for me. How is that fair on her though....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you should end up alone for a while. Although it can be lonely it's also liberating and helps give you some direction and what you're actually after. I went through about 6 years where I was always going out with someone, now I've been single for nearly a year I think :confused: still not over her :p but feel I can do my stuff like getting a great degree and great job and great friends much better.

    I just see you're stuck between two girls and you can't decide between one or the other and maybe the solution is neither...? For what it's worth, my ex who I doted on ridiculously was in exactly your position and decided to do the two feet shuffle and not make up her mind. Ended up with me wanting to kill the other guy, the other guy wanting to kill himself, and her needing counselling / therapy because she couldn't deal with her emotions. We are friends now but she still has no confidence at all... it's weird how things can go so wrong.

    Best of luck!
    p.s. put your needs first, don't worry about staying with one or the other because it might 'hurt their feelings' if you split up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh see your point shyboy. In some ways i think thats what ive been thinking before posting. I know this sounds bad but if we do split i`ll have to move out of our house and buy a smaller place in a not so nice area, which really puts me off!
    Sorry to hear you arent over her after a year, but 6 years is a long time isnt it :S scary
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not_sure wrote: »
    Yeh see your point shyboy. In some ways i think thats what ive been thinking before posting. I know this sounds bad but if we do split i`ll have to move out of our house and buy a smaller place in a not so nice area, which really puts me off!
    Sorry to hear you arent over her after a year, but 6 years is a long time isnt it :S scary

    It was 3 years with her, but I never went more than about 6 weeks single. This is the first time since I was about 14/15 I've been properly single.

    I guess the logistics of things makes it more complicated but is it just putting off the inevitable? If you are going to move out at some point then its probably better its today than in 6 years time when you've got a baby.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not_sure wrote: »
    But if i split up with her im worried ill just end up alone

    Is this is the only reason you are staying? If you love your current girl and really want to be with her, and you're willing to put the work in to make things better with her, then staying together is best. But from the sound of it you it isn't like that, and maybe you should do her a favour and end it.

    I'm not saying that to be a twat, and I'm not judging you. In fact I've been pretty much in your situation before. I chose the new person and it's the best decision I ever made. That's not to say it'll definitely work out. It might not. But you won't know until you give it a go.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Olive wrote: »
    Is this is the only reason you are staying? If you love your current girl and really want to be with her, and you're willing to put the work in to make things better with her, then staying together is best. But from the sound of it you it isn't like that, and maybe you should do her a favour and end it.

    I'm not saying that to be a twat, and I'm not judging you. In fact I've been pretty much in your situation before. I chose the new person and it's the best decision I ever made. That's not to say it'll definitely work out. It might not. But you won't know until you give it a go.


    Yeah, we have already tried improving and sorting out our relationship a few times and it always ends up back the same way. I think I need to move on... Just getting the guts to do it i guess. Going to try and speak to her when shes home tonight.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not_sure wrote: »
    Yeah, we have already tried improving and sorting out our relationship a few times and it always ends up back the same way. I think I need to move on... Just getting the guts to do it i guess. Going to try and speak to her when shes home tonight.

    At the same time make sure you're doing what's right for you ultimately we can only give you advice and you shouldn't feel what we're telling you is what you have to do.. does that make sense?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I read, seems to me that you're not _that_ into trying to improve/fix your current relationship. Remember that doing so is paramount for the survival of any relationship in the long run, regardless whether you're considering breaking off and trying a new girl or not. Just another two cents.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks,
    I do understand and any input is good 2bh because im finding it hard to talk to friends about it all as they all know everyone. Word would soon get around. Well ive just popped out, got a nice bottle of wine and going to order chinese to see how the night goes. :banghead:
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