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Oh dear, I am pathetic
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was with my boyfriend for just over a year, but he's just finished with me. Things have been really rocky for a while and to be honest it wasn't all I wanted from a relationship-I like affection and attention etc but he doesn't, and likes to sit on his xbox/warcraft all the time (seriously, all the time, not lying) and do nothing with me. I moved in with him a couple of months ago after he asked me, and I thought it would make things loads better as we lived about 20 miles away from each other and neither of us drive. So I changed my job and everything and after a few bad weeks with him he finshes with me.
And now, even though I know it wasn't working, I am absolutley devastated. I loved him loads and I know he didn't treat me well (always picked up on tiny things I said or did, was controlling and manipultive, didn't even get me a card on our anniversary etc) but I am still finding it very hard to cope. I've been through break ups before but I don't handle them well at all. I get very down on myself and pick myself apart, for example I feel like I must be such a terrible girlfriend and really ugly for someone to prefer playing games than doing anything with me. I don't want to get back with him-we broke up a couple of times in the last few weeks and I shamelessly went crawling back to him, he didn't even apologise for chucking me-and I know this time it's definately over as he's said some really awful things to me but I feel so awful!
I hate all that everything reminding you of him stuff, and just remembering all these things we said/did/planned/talked about, and I know it's normal but OWWWWWW it hurts.
Right I know that post makes no sense and it's more of a rant than anything but I had to get it out. But if anyone wants to offer some pearls of wisdom, I think that would be just lovely.
Ta
And now, even though I know it wasn't working, I am absolutley devastated. I loved him loads and I know he didn't treat me well (always picked up on tiny things I said or did, was controlling and manipultive, didn't even get me a card on our anniversary etc) but I am still finding it very hard to cope. I've been through break ups before but I don't handle them well at all. I get very down on myself and pick myself apart, for example I feel like I must be such a terrible girlfriend and really ugly for someone to prefer playing games than doing anything with me. I don't want to get back with him-we broke up a couple of times in the last few weeks and I shamelessly went crawling back to him, he didn't even apologise for chucking me-and I know this time it's definately over as he's said some really awful things to me but I feel so awful!
I hate all that everything reminding you of him stuff, and just remembering all these things we said/did/planned/talked about, and I know it's normal but OWWWWWW it hurts.
Right I know that post makes no sense and it's more of a rant than anything but I had to get it out. But if anyone wants to offer some pearls of wisdom, I think that would be just lovely.
Ta
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Comments
I guess there is no place better to rant then hear, helps to just write and write and write at times.
Always going to be tough when you break up, but don't think to yourself that you are pathetic. Course your not
My opinion, i think in the long run its the best thing for you. You don't deserve to be ignored like that, especially after you made the effort to move in with him!
Spend time with your mates, don't be sitting around mulling over it. Course its hard not too but its NOT your fault
I suck at advice but go do things, keep busy
You will be OK - keep posting, it often helps just to write down stuff to get it out of your head. Treat yourself, get plenty of sleep, take some exercise and embrace this time to be as selfish as you want Big hugs. It sucks, but it does get better.
ETA: Just realised some of the above is echoing what GoodFella said - sorry about that, but his advice is good!
Star* - you are not pathetic. This guy has a social problem. If you want to give your b/f another chance, you seriously need to get him to admit that has has MMO addiction. If he doesn't change his gaming habits and remains in denial, then he can say hello to solitude and kiss goodbye to attached life for years to come.
As for the split itself, it is very badly-timed, because a new expansion pack will be coming out for the game in just a few weeks time.
It's his sister's 18th this week and she's having a massive party and I was meant to be doing the photos, we were all going to get really dressed up and go to town afterwards, and the thought of him being there and going out with his mates having a good time makes me feel physically sick. I know I'm being pathetic but I just don't know what to do.
/rant
You need to find loasda girls mates who will dress up and go out for a fantastic weekend... trust me it works I would be willing to take you under my wing and show you how its done... i know exactly what your going through babe.
Give it a couple of weeks to a month and you would have forgotten about him. Trust me xxx
Try not to be too hard on yourself babe, at the end of the day you were together a whole year of course you are gonna feel the way you do as you are readjusting your life and your not in a "couple" anymore. What you have to realise is that you did split up for a reason and really concentrate on all the bad things, how dare he not pay any attention to you! Who does he think he is??? He should have been taking you out and treating you like a princess!!! I know what you mean about texting and speaking everyday, i know it sounds weird but Substitute him for a friend, like everytime you wanna text him or speak to him, ring/text a mate!
You will be ok and you will get through it and when you do you will be stronger and know your worth and be ready for the next guy to treat you right
XXXX
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment, but please remember you are soooo not pathetic and DEFINITELY not worthless.
All break-ups are really tough, even if - as it seems like you do - you know it was the right thing for both of you in the long run. Most people go through at least one messy break-up in their lives (I know I certainly have), so you are definitely not alone in this.
As StupidGirl mentioned, nobody can tell you how long it will take for you to feel better and get back on track - there is no magic wand. However, everyone who has posted has given really good advice. Try and surround yourself with your friends and family, and keep yourself busy. Spending time with people who love you will help get your confidence back, and remind you what it's like to be treated well...as you deserve to be.
Try and think of this as a fresh start - an opportunity for you to focus on yourself, and be happy. Maybe you could start a new hobby, or get away for a few days to relax and regroup?
You might find it a comfort to read our real-life story on breaking up, or have a look at our factsheets on accepting it's over and mending a broken heart. There's also a really useful website called Breaking Up you might like to check out.
I really hope you start to feel better soon Star*. Chin up and take care of yourself.
S x