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Coming out

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Why is it such a head fuck ! :banghead:

Is it possible to be two different people; someone who is out and gay/bi in one place but straight around their family who live miles away.

My head is in bits, i wanna be me and live my life when im away from home but want to be straight when im around my family.

Im now im my mid 20's and i just wish things could be different, because its really fucking with my head.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At some stage you have to admit who you really are to your family for your own mental well-being and social development.

    Living a lie puts an awful amount of stress on you and by the time you are in your mid 30's or something, and still unmarried, claiming to your family that you just 'haven't met the right girl yet', will wear kinda thin.

    Most of the time, the family has always guessed you may be gay. In a few cases, there may be ill feeling, but from experiences I have come across, most families come to accept the real you. And the 'real you' doesn't mean immediately shoving your boyfriends in their faces. Take it one step at a time.

    I'm happy to PM if you feel you need more advice. Good luck! :thumb:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey matty,
    Welcome to TheSite.org. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so upset and confused right now.

    You're far from alone in this situation and as Teagan says, despite some ill feeling, in many circumstances families do learn acceptance - and where they don't, often people feel more liberated and at peace when they're able to come out.

    If you're starting to come out to people you might find TheSite.org's coming out checklist helpful. It's also good to turn to your close friends during this time for support and maybe even a little advice.

    Have you ever been in touch with the lesbian and gay switchboard? You may find talking to someone about this situation a real comfort - especially as all volunteers identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual, so you know that the person answering the telephone will have an understanding of your situation. The volunteers won't judge you or tell you what to do; they will though provide suitable support, offer appropriate information, and discuss relevant options.

    I hope this helps - take care and keep posting :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for that info.

    just feels like my head is about to explode. I usually just ignore things and they go away, but this is harder to ignore. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I usually just ignore things and they go away, but this is harder to ignore. :)

    This is IMPOSSIBLE to ignore. It's what you are. It's with you every minute of every day. Trust me, it will be a massive relief when you do tell them. Start with a sister perhaps. Or your Mum. Best of luck. :thumb:
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