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I am bit lonely, need some good friends
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
This is my first post also I am not English so sorry for any mistakes.
I feel bad and alone. I think that I am nice person but I have problems finding friends (good friend - to have a good time) When I was at school I was popular and happy but I also liked my own space . But then we have moved (I was 13ish) and since then I have never fitted in, I was bullied at college and I became very conscious and suffered with luck of confidence. I have learned that I have to look tough to get through to get somewhere in live but
I cant find any friends. I am married. But I feel that I am missing so much in my life not to have friends. I am caring but maybe to intense or boring I don't know. I don't think that I am stupid but maybe I am not clever either to be interesting enough.
This is my first post also I am not English so sorry for any mistakes.
I feel bad and alone. I think that I am nice person but I have problems finding friends (good friend - to have a good time) When I was at school I was popular and happy but I also liked my own space . But then we have moved (I was 13ish) and since then I have never fitted in, I was bullied at college and I became very conscious and suffered with luck of confidence. I have learned that I have to look tough to get through to get somewhere in live but
I cant find any friends. I am married. But I feel that I am missing so much in my life not to have friends. I am caring but maybe to intense or boring I don't know. I don't think that I am stupid but maybe I am not clever either to be interesting enough.
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Comments
You could meet people there and you'll all be in the same situation, new and not knowing anyone yet. It's a great place to meet new people.
I am 30 now and I am trying very hard to meet more people, (taken dancing lessons, ice skating and art course too) I had job now I have my own bussines (but its just doing OK). I tried to not be desperete about it and take my time thinking that it will slowly comes but its been 5 years and I have about 2 people around that I see sometimes but not often enough.I don't know why it is this way but I was introduced to some people on Friday and I realy got on with one of the guys (artist) and he liked me and I just realised at that point how hungry I am for a fun friendships and how scared I am of rejection. This guy is so intersting and he liked me a lot initialy but I don't think he wants to hung up to much with me now he got to know me more so I feel like I have lost the oportunity to have a friend. I feel a little like a freek. On outside everyone thinks that I am very strong and succesfull (even that I don't lie about my those things but I have this confident apereance) but inside I am just a scared little desperate girl.
So I met somebody online. I had had enough of being lonley. I actually went on craigs list and there were so many other women out there just looking for friends. New to the area, all their friends are married with children, lost contact with everybody... lots of people with lots of different reasons. Just seeing and realizing that made me feel so much better. I thought maybe it wouldn't be that hard to make friends because its much more common than I ever thought it was.
I even keep trying to go out and meet with a group of knitters in the area I have found online... but I can't quite get myself to do that yet
Not too helpful, I'm just saying there are alot of different places. You could even make a friend at the bar! I'm sure groups are a good idea if you have the courage and confidence to do that. That way you already know you have something in common. You can meet other people in need of friends online too. When I made contact with one girl, we ended up going out to eat with several other people who contacted her. Three of us get along really well and go out quite often now. So even meeting one person could lead you to meet so many others in the process
You say you're married, so why not hang about with your husband and his friends? It's just a suggestion.
Poppi
Maybe? There is something true about it.But i think it is important to feel connected and good around people no? I personally would like to be more fun and have more fun. And be liked.
I think this need was triggered by the guy that I have met two weeks ago. The connection was quite immediate and I had a great fun with a superb person that I liked very much. But I think that I have clearly mistaken feeling of friendship with love.I feel more for him and I would like more to continue but its not possible. And cos I was so confused in my head and pushed it a little I don't think he likes me any more at least not the same way.(proves my point that people only like me first time and then when they get to know me they loose the interest in me)
But anyway it showed me that he is popular and liked by huge amount of people and also fun guy to be around. Now I have experienced it and comparing it to my secluded self I feel that really this is it. That's how I would like to be and this is type of life that I would like to live. Not to be alone, unpopular, detached, unsuccessful and unwanted by anyone. I am not making it up guys and I know that some people are much worse of than me and I am trying to feel better about my self but all I can see is lonely person that not many people like. :crying:
but would it change anything? I felt great next to him and he does not really want to get involved with somebody like me. Even if he has some problems, the package is still attractive for me I would be pretty much happy to be around if he wanted me to be. If he has issues he is still honest, nice, very much respected, confident guy doing very well in his field and very much liked by others. So my guess is that he is doing pretty much fine and that in my eyes he is great. Also I do obviously feel like shit as he is not keen on me so much any more.
Hi Edis,
Welcome to the boards - online is a great way to meet new people!
Its great to hear that you have many practical plans to get out there and meet new people, that's often something that people can't do and you're already doing it so that shows you that you can do it, scary though it is!
I think perhaps you might be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to become friends with people too quickly. Friendships are like seeds, they need time and space to grow and sometimes people can be put off if they feel you want to get to know them too quickly. People can grow suspicious of people's motives, sad but true. So don't feel that just because new people back off sometimes or that they aren't coming over for dinner straight away that they don't want to be your friend - most of the time they do but want time to get to know you properly.
I think you might find the following advice links helpful. They link to articles that have been written to try to help people in your situation and could probably give you some reassurance that everyone finds meeting new people difficult and scary. This link talks about meeting new people http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendships/makingnewfriends and this one http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendships/makefriendsonline talks about meeting people online and how to build online friendship.
If you're considering meeting up with some people you've met online, then its a really good idea to read this link http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendships/meetingoffline as it gives you some sensible precautions to take to stay safe.
Above all, keep trying and be patient as instant friendships are very rare, most of us meet someone new and get to know them and become their friend gradually after meeting up lots and sharing experiences. Even if your latest effort doesn't get you the results you want, please keep trying and gradually it will get better for you. Its also good that you're speaking to your GP about how you feel as they can often recommend places and community groups that you might not know about.
You mention that you're not from the UK, have you tried getting in touch with a social group from the country you're from? If there is one in your area this can really help as they know exactly how hard it is to be in a different world making friends.
Good luck and keep posting here to let us know how you're getting on!
Lisa
What makes you think he doesn't want anything to do with you? As the moderator above has said friendships take time. You shouldn't expect too much from someone you barely know, also never give up trying but always be yourself and don't feel you have to change to fit in.
the fact that when we have met (3times) first two times it was great and we were quite close (little bit intimate) and the last time it did not felt right.I have txt him few times (between our 3rd meeting which was organised on our first meeting in advance) if he wants to go for drink or carnival but he was to busy so I assume that the magic has gone.
He was not same towards me on the last meeting although he was still polite and friendly I felt a huge distance and he did not suggested to go out again (on our first meeting he suggested the second and the third meeting).
I agree that one should not have to pretend to fit in but if you are friendless for good 15 years than one would guess that something must be wrong with either you or your attitude or approach so a change might be necessary I think . Although Its easier to actually talk about the change rather then to do it. And also to figure out what to change is a tricky part.