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My boyfriend needs to be single what do i do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm hearbroken , I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, he's said its over because he needs to be single and sort his head out for a while.
I was crying and he said that he'll talk to me again tomorrow and he promised we would get back together - but he never said when or how long this would take.
Is there a chance he won't get back with me???
I feel sick.....I love him so much and he says he loves me but if he loved me why would he want to be single for a while???
i cant stop sobbing :banghead:
he said he just needs to not have the responsibility of having a girlfirend for a while
is he just being selfish??? maybe i should never get back with him
PLEASE HELP!!!!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate to say it, but it means he just wants to sleep around for a bit.

    Youd be a fool to take him back

    Hugs to you. being dumped is so so so horrible
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with suzy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not so sure though

    you see though the thing is ive threatened to break up with him as he's been drinking so much he comes up to me drunk , i end up nursing his hangovers and he just lets me down a lot
    he never used to be like this...
    i got so frustrated i told him it was over but i didnt mean it
    but now he says he needs to be single for a while so he doesn't have to be worrying about what i think etc
    does that still mean he just wants to sleep around?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he wants to be free for a bit to have some fun. Like someone already said, you'd be silly to take him back after he's had ''some fun'' because chances are he'll do it again. A lot of lads do this (I know several people this has happened to as well as several boys who have done this to girls) and they usually end up moving on so it's probably best you do the same, I feel for you though it's not nice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Annabelle, give him some space because he might be wanting to get his drinking sorted, you never know as he might be seeing a doctor over it. Many guys need time alone to sort out their heads. Even my Tim who lives a long way away said he needed time and I completely trust him, and love him.

    Not all guys who split up a long term relationship go on the razz. Not all of them tell lies to cover up for sleeping around while having given their gf's the push. If he really loves you then he will return. And I know you will be there waiting for him even though this split may become one of the biggest tests you've encountered.

    And don't be too hard on yourself for telling him it's over. many a hard word is spoken in haste, we all do it and I know I have in the past.

    Not all men are sods, so give your man a chance to sort himself out. Oh - and welcome here! :)

    Best,
    Poppi
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks

    yeah i think so too but im not sure if i should take him back

    he seems to think this will 'fix us'
    im not so sure

    i think maybe i should just accept its over and ignore him if he calls/texts for the next couple of weeks(he's said he will)
    and then if he still wants it to be over well then maybe leave him to it and move on without him and never get back with him??????

    confused and hurt :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe not sleeping around then but if he wants to concentrate on being a burgeoning alcoholic for a while then in all honesty he may be doing you a favour. Maybe he thinks he needs to get it out of his system, but relationships dont work like that. Maybe he just assumes you will be there waiting for him afterwards because of the way you feel now, but in actual fact you may well find out that you dont need him after all
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hes basically saying, let me drink and do what the fuck i want or i will leave you, but i am expecting you to wait there in the sidelines in case i change my mind
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm, you can never really say for sure whether he wants to sleep around or if he just needs time alone.

    I used a similar excuse to an ex girlfriend of mine.... I promised her we'd get back together some day, even though I knew I didn't really want to. It was just because we'd been together for 3 years, things had become very stale and boring, we'd argue all the time, never go out and do things, and stopped having sex. I'd tried to break up with her a few times before, but didn't have the guts...she was my first real girlfriend and I'd never had to dump someone before.
    Telling her that we'd get back together made it slightly easier for both of us. We never did however, and I found someone else to be with.
    This could be the reason? Think about your relationship, has it been past it's sell by date for a while now? Maybe this is for the best, or maybe he has issues of his own and needs to be by himself for a while. You should talk to him about it a bit more, or just accept and move on.
    Whatever the reason, I feel for you, it sucks I know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you know you could also have have yours during this hiatus youre having. although i think he just wants to sleep with other people and in case he doesnt get any, at least youre there as a consolation. in my personal expereince, ive ended previous relationships because i wanted to sleep with other people and i have used the same excuse. even though this particular gril are still good friends, i didnt get back with them only because i wouldnt be able to face myself if i got back with her after what i had put her through. theres plenty of fish out ther hun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You wanna be thankful you got rid of the bastard now then really!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all, sorry you're going through a hard time. I feel for you.

    If you're in a relationship you don't split up and be single for a while when you have problems, you work through them together. When people marry, they don't get divorced when they have have issues in their life to deal with, they work together and help each other.

    Sorry to say this but if he loved you, then he wouldn't want to be single at all, he would want to be with you. I mean...you love him, would you ever want to risk splitting up with him and being single just because you wanted to "sort your head out"? When I'm in a relationship, my boyfriend is the first person I turn to.

    Relationships need work, not break ups when the going gets tough.

    I hope you do the right thing, you deserve better than this :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont think its fair to people to jump to conclusions so quickly! maybe he DOES just need a bit of time to sort his head out!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    z- wrote: »
    dont think its fair to people to jump to conclusions so quickly! maybe he DOES just need a bit of time to sort his head out!

    I was just thinking the very same thing.

    My advice - give him time and see what happens. Obviously it will hurt, and obviously it may well just be a ploy, so dont expect anything and let him do the grovelling if he wants you back.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there anything you could be concentrating on for now? Maybe you could go travelling, start a course in something you've always wanted to learn or spend more time with your friends. It sounds like the only way you'll know if he really intends to deal with his problems or is just being selfish is in a few weeks when you'll have seen how he's been acting and if his problem with alcohol has got worse. I think you should use the next few months to just concentrate on you, because if you just wait for him to decide he wants to get back together and he doesn't want to you'll have wasted a few months and made it more painful than it needed to be. Even if he does want to get back together, if you've just been waiting you might ended up resenting him for wasting your time. I agree that maybe you shouldn't expect anything. Just focus on you and what you want now and see what happens.
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