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could he be cheating?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, just a quick question; my boyfriend has seemed to go off sex recently, he works 1pm til midnight but always started kissing me + stuff when he came to bed. but the last few weeks hes been staying up later + when he gets to bed he never tries anything,doesnt even seem turned on or he falls asleep downstairs. ive asked if hes cheating but he gets really tetchy + says im always 'accusing' him. am i being paranoid or is his vehement denial of having done anything wrong + overreaction to my questions proof that he COULD be cheating? oh by the way he does say he loves me,still fancies me etc, and im 36weeks pregnant with his baby.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    alasia wrote: »
    Hi, just a quick question; my boyfriend has seemed to go off sex recently, he works 1pm til midnight but always started kissing me + stuff when he came to bed. but the last few weeks hes been staying up later + when he gets to bed he never tries anything,doesnt even seem turned on or he falls asleep downstairs. ive asked if hes cheating but he gets really tetchy + says im always 'accusing' him. am i being paranoid or is his vehement denial of having done anything wrong + overreaction to my questions proof that he COULD be cheating? oh by the way he does say he loves me,still fancies me etc, and im 36weeks pregnant with his baby.

    Is this the guy from your other baby? The not-very-nice one?

    Perhaps it is just a temporary issue with you being 36 weeks pregnant and doesn't want to say out right for fear of hurting your feelings. Why did you jump straight to asking him if he was cheating? It's never a nice question to be asked and so I can appreciate him being pissed off if you keep asking him! Vehement denial doesn't necessarily mean guilty... It could just mean he is pissed off at you for asking a shitty question, and yes, accusing him. :yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Especially because you're so advanced in pregnancy it is natural to feel insecure while your boyfriend has switched his sleeping habits. I think you have a right to know why he's sleeping downstairs and coming home later than usual. Your boyfriend's nocturnal activities seem out of character compared to before it all began, so it definitely strikes me there is something radically changed in his relationship with you.

    We all suffer foot-in-mouth syndrome in being tactless. Many times and I know I am lacking here, get to say the wrong words at the wrong time and often get shouted at because I am a pushy sort of person. But you were very direct and I admire your courage to speak out, even if your wording was tactless. Your boyfriend seems blatantly on the defensive yet, can not give you a tangible and honest answer, so he deserved being asked outright, and he seemed squirmy about replying.

    Have you got a neighbour with a listening ear? Or what about someone in your family? Often, family members are the best to ask especially grand parents who have been around for more than 2 generations and are a wonderful source of wisdom. Go and ask and good luck. :)


    Best,
    Poppi
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The short answer is yes, he could have cheating on you. But that doesnt really get you anywhere.

    Pick a time when you're both not half asleep and discuss the issue with him, express your concerns about the relationship (without accusations) and then listen to what he has to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you two share a computer, download a free 'keylogger' which keeps a record of everything anyone types as a notepad file. Using this you can see what his Facebook, Gmail etc passwords are. Then when you log in if he's having private chats with any mates, or his mistress, he's caught red-handed...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    If you two share a computer, download a free 'keylogger' which keeps a record of everything anyone types as a notepad file. Using this you can see what his Facebook, Gmail etc passwords are. Then when you log in if he's having private chats with any mates, or his mistress, he's caught red-handed...


    Personally I think that's a terrible idea!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is disgusting. If I found out somebody was doing that to me, whether I've got something to hide or not, I'd be out the door. That is complete invasion of their privacy, shows you have absoutly no respect for them and puts you as a flat out psycho stalker.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That is disgusting. If I found out somebody was doing that to me, whether I've got something to hide or not, I'd be out the door. That is complete invasion of their privacy, shows you have absoutly no respect for them and puts you as a flat out psycho stalker.
    Oh whatever.. people always trust others when they just feel they appear to be trustworthy. That's not good enough, plenty of people can pretend to be trustworthy when in fact behind the mask they're not. A keylogger can prove to you if they're being honest or not. And the best part in my experience when in relationships is if there's ever a problem they'll moan to a friend on a Facebook message or Gmail what the problem is with me and what they wish they would change. Very subtly I do whatever they'd prefer. They've never once cottoned on to the fact I'm reading their private mail and always appreciate how I've changed more to their liking. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No matter how you dress it up, that is a devious form of stalking. If it was ever discovered by Alasia's boyfriend you can be sure he'd leave - and then she would never know the answer. Using a keylogging device is a blatant misuse of trust, a sure relationship killer.

    Poppi
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is this the same dude as last time?

    and you're pregnant again? very soon after the last one, but congrats!

    in short, yes he might be cheating, then again he might not be, not something us lot can answer i'm afraid
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i assumed it was the same baby, but then my concept of time is a bit warped
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i assumed it was the same baby, but then my concept of time is a bit warped

    cant be, she posted a pic of the last one, so thats been had haha x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol, well i did say.

    blimey, thats got to be an even smaller age gap than mine
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you sure, i cant find any pics or announcements
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you sure, i cant find any pics or announcements

    http://vbulletin.thesite.org/showthread.php?p=2058234#post2058234

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Oh whatever.. people always trust others when they just feel they appear to be trustworthy. That's not good enough, plenty of people can pretend to be trustworthy when in fact behind the mask they're not. A keylogger can prove to you if they're being honest or not. And the best part in my experience when in relationships is if there's ever a problem they'll moan to a friend on a Facebook message or Gmail what the problem is with me and what they wish they would change. Very subtly I do whatever they'd prefer. They've never once cottoned on to the fact I'm reading their private mail and always appreciate how I've changed more to their liking. :)

    Hilarious.

    Are you a big fan of Huey Lewis & The News?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who in their right mind would only have a years gap between babies. Insane :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    If you two share a computer, download a free 'keylogger' which keeps a record of everything anyone types as a notepad file. Using this you can see what his Facebook, Gmail etc passwords are. Then when you log in if he's having private chats with any mates, or his mistress, he's caught red-handed...

    And if I found out someone was doing that to me I'd kick to them to the kerb and never speak to them again. You have to have trust in a realationship and that invloves letting each other have some privacy.


    Alasia: Although your instincts might be right, being that far pregnant (plus with another little one to look after) is going to affect you emotionally and mentally. Dont pressure him but dont let him freeze you out either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    alasia wrote: »
    Hi, just a quick question; my boyfriend has seemed to go off sex recently, he works 1pm til midnight but always started kissing me + stuff when he came to bed. but the last few weeks hes been staying up later + when he gets to bed he never tries anything,doesnt even seem turned on or he falls asleep downstairs. ive asked if hes cheating but he gets really tetchy + says im always 'accusing' him. am i being paranoid or is his vehement denial of having done anything wrong + overreaction to my questions proof that he COULD be cheating? oh by the way he does say he loves me,still fancies me etc, and im 36weeks pregnant with his baby.

    Unforunately, there isn't much one can do to determine whether someone is cheating.

    i'd suggest a different approach rather than accusing him of cheating. not that i'm criticising you, but maybe he sees it as out of place and unfair on him. sit down with him and ask him if there is anything wrong or anything bothering him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Oh whatever.. people always trust others when they just feel they appear to be trustworthy. That's not good enough, plenty of people can pretend to be trustworthy when in fact behind the mask they're not. A keylogger can prove to you if they're being honest or not. And the best part in my experience when in relationships is if there's ever a problem they'll moan to a friend on a Facebook message or Gmail what the problem is with me and what they wish they would change. Very subtly I do whatever they'd prefer. They've never once cottoned on to the fact I'm reading their private mail and always appreciate how I've changed more to their liking. :)



    Mate, that is scary, and it doesn't matter if you choose to justify it with "it allows me to improve myself which improves the relationship" - not affording somebody their privacy is just way out of order. :yeees: It would also suggest that you have real trust issues with everybody, and so you have to check up on what they are doing. I've defended you on numerous occasions, but this just rings alarm bells.

    I can't imagine reading my partners texts/emails/whatever. If they had a problem with me, I would expect them to be able to tell me. Thankfully, I am in that kind of relationship where we both know exactly where we stand.
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