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I'm bleedin' furious with my girlfriend.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't seem like you've come to the point in a relationship where you find an understanding on how to compromise each others emotions.

    Another way of explaining it is in some circumstances she doesn't value your views/affection/feelings enough to realise that she is being unreasonable.

    That's not bad, you know, people grow on each other in time and realisations need to be made to about what is acceptable to make a relationship strong. This is key, you need to demonstrate to her that she is acting unacceptable. you NEED to do this in a very loving, respectable and SECURE way.

    Don't be scared to tell her how you maybe feel hurt/neglected/annoyed at the way she acted and she has been very inconsiderate/selfish. When you do this do it in a really calm manner, the most important point is indifference. Be indifferent to her reactions - "listen, i'm just explaining how i feel you've been, i thought you had more respect for me. if that's what you want to do it's fine, there's nothing directly wrong with that, i was just looking forward to spending time together and even cancelled plans with my friends". Try not to throw a guilt trip, just accept her decision instead of arguing.

    The reason you do this is because you're handling the situation maturely, most people go against the grain and will continue with the arguement being selfish if you push them. I can recall so many times i've argued over something like this and after an hour or so on the phone i end up just saying "you know what, fine" then getting a call back from her saying she's sorry and realises what i meant.

    So, accept what she says but make her understand why you're annoyed, she will do what she wants i'm sure but so will you and while she's in this freeze out period you should be independant and continue whatever plans you had. Hopefully she will realise how silly she has been and say sorry.

    All you need to say is "it's ok, i felt a bit bad over it but i just want you to try not to be like that ok?"

    I disagree, it seems to me, by her actions, it is final. If Steve then attempts a call back to "make her understand why you're annoyed" then this will most likely be misinterpreted. If she has taken the stance where she is in control and ended the relationship then there really isn't anything that can be done.

    Steve will need to get back to basics, do some stuff to make him feel better about himself as no doubt he feels a little rough now and thus claw back some self-respect.

    The best outcome this could have would be for Steve to be over her and feeling much better about things. Then, if they meet when out somewhere perhaps then they can have the "you made me feel pretty bad" chat - but until both parties are calm and in a position where they can have an adult chat then the best way forward is to accept that this is now the way things are.

    I appreciate it's rubbish but that is just the way people are - human relationships are infinitely complex and in truth we really don't know all of the details and only have Steve's side of the story. Even if we knew all the details it may simply be the girlfriend. Who knows.

    Just my opinion.

    A.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wrote that before i read she's finished with him unfortunately - lol.

    The way she's finished with him though you're right, just f-her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wrote that before i read she's finished with him unfortunately - lol.

    The way she's finished with him though you're right, just f-her.
    Well that is life.

    The girl I was going to start dating took her own life a few days ago so I feel pretty gutted.

    Like I said, that's just life, people are unpredictable - but in as much as life is horrendously tragic like that, it can and is often very much uplifting and venerable.

    A.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like you're better off without her!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    The girl I was going to start dating took her own life a few days ago so I feel pretty gutted.

    Ouch :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    May be worth reading the whole thread before replying - she already broke it off with him.



    :)

    Well SORRY i didnt see that part
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well SORRY i didnt see that part

    :lol:

    *breathe*

    I wasn't having a go, girly...


    :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey, this sounds very familiar to me, ahah

    You've been going out for a year and my guess is that she is trying to score points. And when you do soemthing she doesnt like, she tries to pay you back. It's her way of telling you she isnt happy.

    But you could change your course, coz atm you'r arguing back and your both making it worse, ask her if something is wrong, if you stop being defensive, she might open up to somthing you didnt know about. Let her know your not the enemy.

    If you've done this or if it doesnt work, give her something to worry about yourself, or give her an ultimatum

    something along the lines of- this is two ways, i dont want us to cary on like this, ill try if u try. And if you dont want to, maybe we shouldnt be togetehr.

    goodluck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oops, sorry guys ahah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Funilly enough, she's just got back in touch lately, saying she's missed me and then apologising for what she said. But she's got quite a bit to apologise for in my book.

    Either way, there is no way in hell I'm just going to jump back into her arms like a complete dick. I may well get the chance to see her again on Tuesday, after well over a fortnight apart, but I'll see what happens there.

    One of my friends (a bird, oddly enough) tells me that she reckons it was a breakdown in communication, which I was pointing the finger at anyway, and it looks like she's made quite a point of advising me on what I should be doing.

    But as far as I'm concerned, better wait and see if she's learnt her lesson anyway. I'm just keeping an open mind for now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    TO be honest mate, I would wash my hands of her, full stop.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    TO be honest mate, I would wash my hands of her, full stop.

    Agreed!

    Call it what you like but the bitch was acting like a spoilt brat, not the sort of shit you need in your life. But if you still care/love her reason will go out the window and you'll likely get back with her. Take it from someone who's been back with exs far too many times to even remember, things rarely change and old problems will surface again and again.

    Good thing is it's your call so you can decide what happens next but ask yourself why she is contacting you, could it be that she missing having someone in her life to lavish her with attention? Do you want to be in her life just because she doesn't want to be single?

    Think what you want and if it is her, then make sure she earn your respect and don't put up with her shit!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^^Hence why I'm keeping my mund open. I'm not getting my hopes up, because of course part of me suspects that she just wants someone to lavish her with atttention and she sees me as an easy route to that end.

    We'll see, eh?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve87 wrote: »
    ^^^Hence why I'm keeping my mund open. I'm not getting my hopes up, because of course part of me suspects that she just wants someone to lavish her with atttention and she sees me as an easy route to that end.

    We'll see, eh?

    Sounds good IMO. Sounds like she's insecure of what she really wants or that she seems to want to keep you until better come along, there are always some people like that out there. If you think the latter is the most probable explanation, I wouldn't bother to get into a new relationship. You're worth more than that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    :lol:

    *breathe*

    I wasn't having a go, girly...


    :D

    Well thats okay then :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, as I say, we're (sorta) back together..... she promised to change, eh?

    First few days have been alirght, but today for some odd reason, she's just turned again. I make a few comments about shopping, and all she does is put on a sour face and make me feel guility for everything that's gone wrong. "Oh, it's your moods etc etc....". Well, does that excuse you treating me like an idiot?

    I don't know what i was doing, and I'm still not sure, but this thread sure ain't half handy for venting my spleen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve87 wrote: »
    Well, as I say, we're (sorta) back together..... she promised to change, eh?

    First few days have been alirght, but today for some odd reason, she's just turned again. I make a few comments about shopping, and all she does is put on a sour face and make me feel guility for everything that's gone wrong. "Oh, it's your moods etc etc....". Well, does that excuse you treating me like an idiot?

    I don't know what i was doing, and I'm still not sure, but this thread sure ain't half handy for venting my spleen.



    Gonna be blunt. You're a fool to take her back.

    She's already started doing it again. Open your eyes mate and grow a pair. Get shut of her.


    People CAN'T change, just like that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve87 wrote: »
    Well, as I say, we're (sorta) back together..... she promised to change, eh?

    First few days have been alirght, but today for some odd reason, she's just turned again. I make a few comments about shopping, and all she does is put on a sour face and make me feel guility for everything that's gone wrong. "Oh, it's your moods etc etc....". Well, does that excuse you treating me like an idiot?

    I don't know what i was doing, and I'm still not sure, but this thread sure ain't half handy for venting my spleen.

    What were the conditions upon you getting back together?

    The main problem is always that if neither has changed then nothing has or will change. The problem will almost certainly rear its ugly head once again, and, as you've said as much here, it would seem nothing has changed.

    There is little you can do but discuss the issues sooner rather than later and either both agree to make a few changes or agree to go your separate ways ultimately.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The conditions? She texted me.... then phoned me, saying she was sorry for what she'd done and she promised to change her ways. I wasn't totally sure of what was best but I decided to keep an open mind and see what happened. I did tell her that she would ahve to change and quit being rude and nasty towards me. At worst, I'd learn the hard way i thought!

    For the last couple of weeks, it's not been all bad really! Soon we were back to our old ways, she was actually really nice. She was even rather nice today, but she later on me for some reason. :confused:

    It must be irritating after all that's been said to see me writing all this now, but it's frustrating for me wonder what to do, when the answer to everyone else must be bloody obvious. To quote that Who song "You can't switch off my loving, like you can't switch off the sun"

    The girl still gives me butterflies in my stomach and all that, despite the fact that she has hurt me of late. Love really is a complicated and difficult thing, eh?

    Sticking around seems easy, easier than going back to singledom, which on the other hand could be the best way to move forward. Especially when part of me does feel that splitting up in the first place perhaps caused irrepairable damage to the relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve87 wrote: »
    The conditions? She texted me.... then phoned me, saying she was sorry for what she'd done and she promised to change her ways. I wasn't totally sure of what was best but I decided to keep an open mind and see what happened. I did tell her that she would ahve to change and quit being rude and nasty towards me. At worst, I'd learn the hard way i thought!

    For the last couple of weeks, it's not been all bad really! Soon we were back to our old ways, she was actually really nice. She was even rather nice today, but she later on me for some reason. :confused:

    It must be irritating after all that's been said to see me writing all this now, but it's frustrating for me wonder what to do, when the answer to everyone else must be bloody obvious. To quote that Who song "You can't switch off my loving, like you can't switch off the sun"

    The girl still gives me butterflies in my stomach and all that, despite the fact that she has hurt me of late. Love really is a complicated and difficult thing, eh?

    Sticking around seems easy, easier than going back to singledom, which on the other hand could be the best way to move forward. Especially when part of me does feel that splitting up in the first place perhaps caused irrepairable damage to the relationship.


    I totally appreciate your pain and love and situation, however, let me allow for a different perspective.

    How long are you prepared to put up with her for the sake of your love before becoming the veritable kicked puppy or doormat, a push over. It's just a thought, something to consider...

    Another little point, although it doesn't exactly apply to the situation indulge me for a moment.

    I friend of mine has just turned 40, he is so whipped that his "girlfriend" can do whatever she likes, even sleep with other guys, simply because he is more afraid of being alone for the rest of his life than growing a spine and standing up for himself - his very life is the epitome of cringe worthy.

    He is a joke to everyone that knows him because of this situation. The sad thing is that a lot of girls I know say he's good to talk to and is attractive but, despite ALL of this, he really isn't interested.

    Another sad thing is that if/when he ever does meet anyone new, he is going to be extremely cruel and late all of this guilt and hurt feelings at her doorstep making sure she feels truly worthless, which, in my opinion is an awful thing to do. And all because he doesn't have the balls, courage and or self respect to stand up for himself. He is a loser and no one respects him.

    The confident guy isn't. :)

    Just a few thoughts.
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