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eeeep ithinkilikemyteacher!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
things have been running really smoothly for ages now, until out of *nowhere* this massive crush on my english teacher has appeared. i'm not going to do the 'he's amazing and i love him' schpiel, because i'm not 13, but this has really messed my heart up quite badly!

it would actually be fun if i didn't have a boyfriend, BUT now i've started becoming distant from my boyfriend, and it's like i don't care if i see him or not! i havn't seen had much contact with him for a week or so, because we're in the middle of exams, and i really don't care that much, the whole issue of trying to have a relationship at uni keeps popping into my mind and ARGH! i yearn for the simple times of a few weeks ago when the worst thing that happened was a dodgy haircut! how can things become so confusing so fast?? i don't even find my boyfriend that attractive, now that mr.english teacher is on the scene, all i want to do is jump on him :banghead:

please tell me that you've had crushes before, and that it goes away and turns out the teacher isn't actually as great as you thought they were?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had crushes before. I did nothing about them apart from write in my VERY VERY private diary a little and yes, the crush went away. Crushes are enjoyable feelings but, I would advise you not to do anything about it. Try not to compare your current boyfriend to your crush, the crush isn't really real beyond your fluttering heart whereas, he is...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nahnah wrote: »
    things have been running really smoothly for ages now, until out of *nowhere* this massive crush on my english teacher has appeared. i'm not going to do the 'he's amazing and i love him' schpiel, because i'm not 13, but this has really messed my heart up quite badly!

    it would actually be fun if i didn't have a boyfriend, BUT now i've started becoming distant from my boyfriend, and it's like i don't care if i see him or not! i havn't seen had much contact with him for a week or so, because we're in the middle of exams, and i really don't care that much, the whole issue of trying to have a relationship at uni keeps popping into my mind and ARGH! i yearn for the simple times of a few weeks ago when the worst thing that happened was a dodgy haircut! how can things become so confusing so fast?? i don't even find my boyfriend that attractive, now that mr.english teacher is on the scene, all i want to do is jump on him :banghead:

    please tell me that you've had crushes before, and that it goes away and turns out the teacher isn't actually as great as you thought they were?

    This is a teacher-crush, and pretty normal for young people. Have the feelings that you have but I'd advice you to not let it cloud your judgement and relationship to the boyfriend, as you might regret that.

    Also you have to realize that you're dealing with your teacher here. Teachers/lecturers/academic staff cannot and should not get into relationships with their students, unless we're talking about a very mature student, not far from his/her own age. Many institutions have an ethos that such relationships are not "appropriate" and some do even forbid it formally.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nahnah wrote: »
    please tell me ... the teacher isn't actually as great as you thought they were?

    Crushes aside, hun, you would put this man in a position where he could lose his job, his reputation and even go to prison if anything was to happen - so he won't let it happen.

    He's just one of those people that will be out of your reach. I come across those sorts every day.

    It's fun to have a smile about it inside but don't even consider following through. At best, it will break your heart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a major crush on my art teacher. It never became anything. It's an awful thing to go through, but exhilerating at the same time, like, 'our little secret'.. because he knew. Unfortunately I acted like a real fool. My emotions ruled my head. I still see him sometimes round town.
    It felt like, I couldn't bare to be away from him but when I was with him I was afraid to do anything. It really screwed me up, because it all happened when I had very bad depression and anxiety.
    Anyway, now I've left i don't think about him that much, i saw a different side to him at exhibition openings, etc and i didn't like it. If i see him now i smile but generally don't talk because i screwed things up so much, i'm embarressed to say anything, and disappointed in knowing who he is. (i know that sounds harsh)
    My advice to you is to not let this person know how you feel. Unless its like a rom.com.movie and the romance is from both sides and all that! letting this person know how you feel may make things worse and cause an awkwardness.
    If you want to talk about it, send me a private message. i don't mind. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the replies, i re-read them this morning and they make a lot more sense now that i'm fully awake and thinking rationally. i just hope that i can keep it under control! i think that once the summer starts i'll be able to forget about it, i'm quite selfish at times and i havn't even begun to think about how my boyfriend would feel if he knew what was the matter with me! i've been withholding all this affection from him and it's not fair on him at all.

    another piece of advice i read was to replace this obsession with another one, i choose shopping :D wish me luck :)
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    nahnah wrote: »

    another piece of advice i read was to replace this obsession with another one, i choose shopping :D wish me luck :)

    :) Good luck!

    You may also want to take a look at TheSite.org's article on coping with crushes if you get a chance.

    Your posts are really insightful, and I may be wrong but it strikes me that this crush has appeared partly as a distraction from some of the issues that are on the horizon with your current boyfriend? As others have said, this attraction is bound to fade, and when that happens you may well find that you're looking for another distraction elsewhere because you still can't face talking to your lad about how things might turn out when you go to uni.

    It may be that if you're able to have some of these conversations with your boyfriend now, then you will feel much better about EVERYTHING and start to get excited about the new term and all it's possibilities. On the one hand, talking about it may help you to become closer, and if not, then at least you will have confronted the situation and hopefully feel able to make some healthy decisions. :)

    Take care - and keep posting. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *update*

    having a crush on someone this unattainable is an absolute killer, i left school yesterday and i'm so so miserable and a) not being a sixth former anymore and b) waking up and not knowing how to fill the day c) not being able to see the teacher that i have the crush on.

    one of my friends is going back into school next week, and everytime i think about it, i have this massive stab of jealousy that she gets the opportunity to see him.

    and of course, while all this is going on, i'm still ignoring my boyfriend! i'm going to try and talk to him today about why i'm being so distant, leaving school really has torn me up and all i want to do is be by myself :(

    gonna get dressed and go for a walk to clear my head, i hate not having something to do every day, i should be glad that i've got all of this free time, but i'd rather go back to school, i don't like it!!!!!!

    in the post this morning i got a letter about my driving test and one from the college i'm going to next year - i suppose it's a sign that i should be thinking about the future eh?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You really do sound like me. What you need to remember is that the hols won't last forever, try making plans with your mates and boyfriend to keep your mind occupied, not only because of the teacher thing but also because of the boredom.
    I would say yes, those things are signs. they are certainly something to concentrate on.
    I think what Helen said is right, you are avoiding a situation by obsessing about this teacher...
    let us know how you get on with your boyfriend. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i will do :) i'd feel better about it, but we've got a holiday organised and paid for, so it feels like i'm holding everything back until that's over with, grrrr.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just got a text from one of my friends, the one who also likes this teacher!

    "guess who i saw today! ... mr.****!!"

    GAH

    the other night my best friend's boyfriend tried to kiss me when he was drunk, and obviously my boyfriend was furious, and he feels sick and angry about it. i talked to him about if he doesnt trust "other people" around me, how are we going to cope at uni? but we didn't come to any kind of decision. i got out of the car, kind of hoping that this would be an easy way out of the relationship and i could spend my time pursuing this crush!! obviously woke up in the morning and felt guilty that i'd been so selfish, and so harsh to my boyfriend who i once obsessed over similarly and who was clearly torn up about it.
    gah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think when you go to uni, you will forget about this teacher and be happier, because you won't be around him. YES it is painful, BUT it does mature you. How about just spending time doing something else, like retail therapy? Or do whatever hobby you enjoy. Make some time for yourself so you don't stress so much over this, and so you can think things through in your own time. Believe me, if you know nothing can happen, it's not worth it...not worth the heartache. *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just a quick update, it was prom yesterday, and i told my boyfriend that i didnt know how i felt about him any more and we went off to prom all confused. saw the teacher, completely ignored my boyfriend and selfishly hurt his feelings to pursue this other man. basically, this guy got absolutely smashed, and turned into this complete twat right before my eyes - has worked a treat as the crush seems to have gone. it's still a bit painful and i feel so so stupid, and also let down by my high estimations of people. but you're right and i will learn from it. it's given me a better understanding of how to treat other people too. blimey!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow that must have been tough, for all that to happen in one evening. I'm glad you see the positive side, so let's hope that you can move on in your life. ;)
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