Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Moving in together & smoking

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not sure if this should go here or in Home, Law & Money?

Anyway, here's the thing. I'm moving into a new flat with my boyfriend in a couple of weeks. We've never lived together before but are both looking forward to it. However, there's a small problem...in that he smokes, and I don't. It's not usually an issue, but I know he wants to be able to smoke in the house (at least in the living room if nowhere else) whereas I've always lived in a non-smoking house and don't like the idea of smoking in our flat. I feel like I'm being unreasonable now though - why should it be down to what I want over what he wants? I don't know how to resolve it. Whenever we talk about it he ends up saying in a defeated kind of way "fine, I'll smoke outside then" but I know he really wants to be able to smoke in the house and it makes me feel bad. I just don't like the idea of our house smelling of cigarettes and don't particularly like sitting in a living room when someone's smoking...but I feel bad for laying down the law and forcing him outside when it's his home just as much as mine...what can we do? I did think of asking the landlord about it as I know most rented houses have a non-smoking rule written into the contract, but the landlord owns another flat which our friends rent out and they both smoke in it freely so I doubt he'd care :( I don't know what to do.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well my bf smokes and I dont, so he smokes in the conservatory or opens a window and stands next to it if its late at night and the kids are in bed.

    My ex used to smoke in the house even in front of the baby, which i hated but couldnt do anything about.

    I think its perfectly reasonable to ask someone to smoke outside, or at least at the window, otherwise youre gonna smell like a smoker when you dont even smoke.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well my bf smokes and I dont, so he smokes in the conservatory or opens a window and stands next to it if its late at night and the kids are in bed.

    :yes: Smoking in a house can make it smell really bad (I don't understand why people smoke in their bedrooms). Outside or at a window or door is perfectly accepetable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'm a smoker (quitting on Wednesday though!) and have always smoked in my house. Whereas when someone moves in I warn them about this I think it's important that you set some ground rules.

    Smoking outside though is really, really crap. It's cold and when it rains it's not nice. I can understand that your boyfriend considers home somewhere where you can relax and smoke.

    So, like the others, maybe suggest an area that is by a window where he can smoke. Make it all comfortable, with a couch or something and invest in lots and lots of those after tobacco air freshners perhaps. See how this goes and maybe readdress it at a later date?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know how it's over there but here in Iceland it's rare that people allow smoking in their homes. I personally don't think it's an unreasonable request as the smell sticks to everything and it's really rank coming into houses where people smoke.

    It's usually not that big of a deal going outdoors or as has been mentioned do it at window.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are 4 smokers and 2 non-smokers in my house. Whenever the 2 non-smokers aren't around we all smoke in the kitchen which is the designated smoking area. If they are about we just stand at the back door. Compromises can be made.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kitchen is usually a good one as the smell doesn't have soo many soft furnishings to burrow into. Comfy chair, tv, cup of tea, sounds like a good compromise to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah...we will just have to compromise somehow I suppose. There's not enough space for a designated smoking area as the flat's small - just a bedroom, living room (which isn't big enough for the smoke not to fill the whole room), kitchen and bathroom - otherwise that could have been a good solution. Maybe I'll suggest the kitchen...I don't know. Man, I just wish he didn't smoke - or that I did! It's just a hassle.

    Thanks for the help though guys :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My brothers a non smoker and the friend he lives with is an ex-smoker. When the moved in together his friend used to smoke outside as he wanted a smoke free place.

    You need to find a compromise. My ex used to chain smoke in his house and I used to come home stinking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I live in a house, where the 2 other people who live there smoke and 7 out of 10 other people who visit it smoke.

    They all smoke outside. They do this because otherwise the house smells terrible and i really mean terrible - it even somehow manages to smell of really manky fatty smell, even though it's all healthy eating (smoking is the only vice). I couldn't do with the smell and it gives me really bad headaches in confined space.

    I personally think it's a disgusting habit and i don't infect other people's air with pollutants, so why should i breath their pollutants in? Hence why they go outside :yes:

    As a compromise, i give them an umbrella for when it rains! Don't want to get wet? Don't smoke :thumb:

    On a serious note, my friend's mum and dad bought a house - which had inhabited two chain smokers - i think they smoked 40 a day or something stupid like that. When his rents were renovating, the smoke had discoloured 4 layers of wallpaper (all a manky yellow) :crazyeyes and had even settled into the wall. In the end, they couldn't stand the smell and knocked as many walls as possible down to rebuild, to get rid of the smell!

    When i get my own house (i already have a car), smoking will not be allowed (i don't allow it in my car). I personally would not want to buy a car if it has been driven by a smoker - been there, done that and have had the 'smelly' hands for over a year from touching the steering wheel!

    Smoking ewwwww:shocking:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're being unreasonable. Try to find a compromise, maybe you have a small room inside with a window where he can smoke?

    Anyway, smoking is an activity that affects others in a negative manner, so if there's no other options I strictly mean that the smoker has to stand down or go outside.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. You can try and find a compromise but it will be hard without much space in the flat. If you let him smoke inside your breathing will suffer and your clothes will stink.

    Personally I think that there's nothing wrong in asking him to smoke outside, or by a window that opens really wide. It's not a huge sacrifice and it might help him quit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Personally I think that there's nothing wrong in asking him to smoke outside, or by a window that opens really wide. It's not a huge sacrifice and it might help him quit.

    yep. if he wants to be with you enough then he'll do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend smokes but he understands that i don't like the house smelling so he smokes outside, unless he's having friends over occasionally and I don't mind if they smoke inside for one night because thats not really the end of the world. He stands at the kitchen door or in the garden. If him and his friends are having a night in and smoking I make sure there's no washing hanging up and we shut all the doors upstairs so the rooms don't smell and keep a window open and it doesn't really bother me. The smell is usually gone by the next day, especially if you open a door

    Its definitely all about compromise. He can't expect to smoke inside all the time, a lot of smokers don't even like their house smelling of smoke
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FCUK it wrote: »
    I live in a house, where the 2 other people who live there smoke and 7 out of 10 other people who visit it smoke.

    They all smoke outside. They do this because otherwise the house smells terrible and i really mean terrible - it even somehow manages to smell of really manky fatty smell, even though it's all healthy eating (smoking is the only vice). I couldn't do with the smell and it gives me really bad headaches in confined space.

    I personally think it's a disgusting habit and i don't infect other people's air with pollutants, so why should i breath their pollutants in? Hence why they go outside :yes:

    As a compromise, i give them an umbrella for when it rains! Don't want to get wet? Don't smoke :thumb:

    On a serious note, my friend's mum and dad bought a house - which had inhabited two chain smokers - i think they smoked 40 a day or something stupid like that. When his rents were renovating, the smoke had discoloured 4 layers of wallpaper (all a manky yellow) :crazyeyes and had even settled into the wall. In the end, they couldn't stand the smell and knocked as many walls as possible down to rebuild, to get rid of the smell!

    When i get my own house (i already have a car), smoking will not be allowed (i don't allow it in my car). I personally would not want to buy a car if it has been driven by a smoker - been there, done that and have had the 'smelly' hands for over a year from touching the steering wheel!

    Smoking ewwwww:shocking:

    That reminds me of my ex MIL who gave my mum her old computer for her work. They were grateful but in the end had to get rid of it because everytime they turned it on, you could smell smoke so strongly even after a year!! I dont even think she chainsmoked.
    People who smoke dont realise how much it gets into things because their sense of smell is fucked so much.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I used to go round to my ex's friends house (he now lives there though) there was at one point 4 people living there and one guys girlfriend was round there all the time and all of them smoked, but they had a conservatory where they used to go and smoke because it was rented and I don't think they even liked the place to stink. I really don't think you're being unreasonable - why should you have to breathe it in and the smell really does cling to everything, because it's a small flat the whole place will probably stink because it just gets everywhere. When me and my ex stayed at a hotel once we got to our room and straight away we could tell it was an ex smoking room because the place still stunk even though it had been non smoking for several months!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its strange, when I visit a friend who smoke cigs it smells a bit stale and nasty, but I know when I visit stonner friends their places dont seem to smell at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate the smell of manufactured cigarettes, they actually make me feel a bit sick, but rollies i dont think are as offensive smelling at all, nor joints. I dont think the smell lingers as long.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Guess that might be cos of less chemicals in it?

    Definately agree with budda though that a cigarette smoker's house smells a lot less pleasant than a weed smoker's house.

    I smoke but I almost always go outside to smoke or smoke by a window at least.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not unreasonable at all, and I think that most smokers generally do understand that their habit creates a smell. Most people I know where one person smokes and the other doesn't the smoker smokes outside, so it's not unusual either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks a lot for all your replies guys, you've really helped me. My bloke does tend to smoke rollies anyway (and the point someone made about them smelling less is true I reckon - our friends that I mentioned who smoke in their house usually smoke rollies and I've never really noticed their house smelling). I think he'll be cool about smoking out of the kitchen door - I might do as Kangoo said and allow smoking on the odd night as long as the house is well ventilated and doors shut etc...if it starts smelling rank after that then we'll just revise the plan. I'm sure it'll be OK. Thanks again, you've all been really helpful! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    FCUK it wrote: »
    i don't infect other people's air with pollutants, so why should i breath their pollutants in?

    Really? :chin:
    FCUK it wrote: »
    When i get my own house (i already have a car)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My car runs on chip fat :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to love smoking outside. Never really got why smoking inside was appealing. It's warmer? Please: stop being a cunt, grow some hair, and enjoy nature.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    junker wrote: »
    I used to love smoking outside. Never really got why smoking inside was appealing. It's warmer? Please: stop being a cunt, grow some hair, and enjoy nature.

    So you're saying you'd prefer to smoke outside than in when it's freezing cold and pissing it down with rain? As for nature, unless you live in the countryside you're not really going to get much of that are you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would not allow smoking in the house, not a chance, he should go outside
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you're saying you'd prefer to smoke outside than in when it's freezing cold and pissing it down with rain? As for nature, unless you live in the countryside you're not really going to get much of that are you?

    Yes I would. I prefer it to be cold anyway as I'm naturally too warm. I personally think I have some sort of thyroid disorder, but hey. If it's any warmer than about 18-20° statically, I'm a bit out of sorts.

    Nature is your outdoor ambiance. It's refreshing to get away from the controlled environment of humanity once and a while and enjoy the chaos of the stars.
Sign In or Register to comment.