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Making it work
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've just finished my degree in Bristol, and my boyfriend of a year and a half has just landed a new job after spending years in a job he hated. I'm starting to think about applying for jobs - as in real jobs rather than the part-time caseworking I've been doing throughout uni. Thing is, most of the jobs I'm interested in are based in London. I have plans with a really good friend of mine to buy a flat together when we both end up in London (she's moving there to rent in a couple of months and I'm deciding when to join her) as we've both just inherited a fair amount of money, and I'm really excited about the prospect of living somewhere new and finding a job I love.
Trouble is, my boyfriend doesn't want to leave Bristol. I totally respect that and understand his decision, and likewise he's said that my career is something I've worked towards long before I ever met him, and he'll support me whatever I decide to do. He's totally committed to making our relationship work, long-distance or otherwise, but I've never done it before and I can see myself having trouble with it.
Not because I think either of us would be unfaithful, but because I'm kinda greedy in a relationship. If I want a hug, I want one now, and I love being able to turn up on his doorstep whenever I fancy it and suggest going on a road trip spontaneously. I can imagine us agreeing to see each other on weekends and then me being tired from a week at work and just wanting to relax on my own, or feeling the pressure of making our time together special rather than just flooping on the couch one evening. I just feel like I'm not 100% certain and desperate to be with him enough to have the balls to carry on when we're far apart, but equally I hate the thought of not having him in my life.
This is also the time when, if I wasn't thinking about moving away, we'd probably be considering moving in together, so it feels a bit like a make or break point in our relationship.
What are your experiences of relationships that have BECOME long-distance, and do you think I'm overracting? Does my attitude suck?!
Trouble is, my boyfriend doesn't want to leave Bristol. I totally respect that and understand his decision, and likewise he's said that my career is something I've worked towards long before I ever met him, and he'll support me whatever I decide to do. He's totally committed to making our relationship work, long-distance or otherwise, but I've never done it before and I can see myself having trouble with it.
Not because I think either of us would be unfaithful, but because I'm kinda greedy in a relationship. If I want a hug, I want one now, and I love being able to turn up on his doorstep whenever I fancy it and suggest going on a road trip spontaneously. I can imagine us agreeing to see each other on weekends and then me being tired from a week at work and just wanting to relax on my own, or feeling the pressure of making our time together special rather than just flooping on the couch one evening. I just feel like I'm not 100% certain and desperate to be with him enough to have the balls to carry on when we're far apart, but equally I hate the thought of not having him in my life.
This is also the time when, if I wasn't thinking about moving away, we'd probably be considering moving in together, so it feels a bit like a make or break point in our relationship.
What are your experiences of relationships that have BECOME long-distance, and do you think I'm overracting? Does my attitude suck?!
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Comments
Hi,
It does sound like you have a big decision to make. Should you stay together and try a long distance relationship, or should you call it a day now?
Long distance relationships can be difficult, but then again they can also work really well for some couples. askTheSite has some good tips on this here.
I guess you have to ask yourself, do you want to stay with him enough to try it out? You say that you are not sure if you "have the balls" to do long-distance but that you "hate the thought of not having him in your life." Could it be that perhaps you do want to stay with him but are worried that this might be too difficult or not work out?
Perhaps one course of action you could take would be to sit down with him and really talk through all these issues. Talk about how it would work for you, and what you would both find hard. This will help you to work out if you can do it.
And if you do decide to give it a go, then perhaps you can make a decision about the relationship further down the line if it doesn't work out or proves too hard.
Either way, talking this through as a couple will help you both to make the decision which feels right for you.
Good luck!
H