If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
How Gay/Lesbian relationships are different from Straight relationships
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, what i am referring here is how they differ philosophically and emotionally for an individual.
because sex is part of both relationships but in straight relationship reproduction is the thing which makes it different, so how these relationships are different esp. emotioanlly?
because sex is part of both relationships but in straight relationship reproduction is the thing which makes it different, so how these relationships are different esp. emotioanlly?
0
Comments
All relationships are different
These days, reproduction plays a very small part of a heterosexual's sex life. The fact that contraception is used and most families don't have many more than two children, indicates that their sex lives does not revolve around procreation.
Emotionally, no difference. You love someone. Period.
ETA: This is in no way meant to imply that I think heterosexual relationships are about domination and are unequal, it's just that the article I read (I'll see if I can find it) argued that as a general rule men are set up by society to fulfil one role, which unfortunately is often seen as the higher-status role, and women are set up to fulfil another one. As a result the two genders begin to settle into their status hierarchy and this translates to the way in which they relate to one another. In a gay relationship those status differentials just don't exist.
For example, your ex will have probably slept with another ex of yours and will probably know your best friend, that girl you pulled two nights ago and will have a crush on the girl you fancy.
I have never had this when dating guys*.
But emotionally, I have found no difference. The only real problem is the fact you can get the crap kicked out of you for dating a member of the same sex, when with dating a member of the opposite sex, people don't care (well, usually... there will always be the exception).
But as Suzy said, all relationships are different.
* Disclaimer: This is a pisstake of sterotypes and interbreeding within the scene, not a homophobic remark.
I also don't think it is anything to do with being gay... I think that a homophobic society contributes towards making relationships harder for some people.
I know some gay women who have been in relationships for years, some who have a lot of flings. The same with straight people as well.
It's a shame people are so worried about causing offence simply by retelling their own experiences that have to put disclaimers. But anyway.
I have a view that is quite simplistic and based on logic and I often get shouted at because people misinterpret it. But fundamentally heterosexual relationships occur because of a biological instinct to procreate. If this wasn't there, we would be all friends I'm sure but I doubt people would couple up and live in two-person units. Homosexual people have the same feelings but for the 'incompatible' gender, biologically speaking.
Now I must reiterate that there's nothing wrong with this, as whenever I say this people read into it as me being homophobic. It's just an explanation from my perspective of the urges we get to be with someone, not just sexually but in a partnership.
Having said that, because of ignorance in wider society it has created a subculture for homosexual and bisexual people (often related to the 'scene' apparently) because they have felt marginalised they have gone 'underground'. In this scene there have developed their own norms etc. which may be different from the rest of society. So in that sense people in that scene may be in different sorts of relationships typically than those in the rest of society, typically. 'tops' and 'bottoms' seem to be a fairly commonplace thing with at least in my experience older guys seeking to pick up younger guys.
I don't know exactly how the relationships pan out but I expect they're not exactly the same and from friends who've been in them don't tend to be as stable. But homosexual friends who don't subscribe to the 'scene' don't seem to have any differences at all from heterosexual relationships except the fact that it's harder to pick people up.
Actually I disagree on this to a point. If I were a heterosexual woman I would hang out at gay clubs, just to avoid hassle from men, aggressive behaviour and fights, which all seem less frequent in gay clubs.
'Top' and 'bottom' doesn't have to do with older men shagging younger boys though.
Many older men try to pick up young girls too and there are plenty of kinksters out there of any sexual orientation.
Some older gay guys may well try and pick up younger gay guys but that works in the straight world too ... there are plenty of older straight guys sniffing around young women. And there is nothing wrong with that. The younger person just needs to say 'no'. I don't take offence by being chatted up by an older gay guy. I just say 'no' (if I am not interested) and/or if they get especially lecherous, get them moved on by club staff.
And being a 'top' should not infer an older guy. Guys are active/passive whatever their age. I know quite a few older gay guys that are 100% passive.
:yes:
well exactly. its the same for relationships of any type. The biological desire to procreate and keep a union for child rearing manifests itself into breeding heterosexuals pairing, non breeding heterosexuals, and homosexuals of all types too. We naturally pair up, the biological origins are still the same