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boo to lifes timing!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
well life really knows how to time things well sometimes!

as you probably know i am pregnant and things arent great (relationship wise) with the father.
well...there is an ex of mine from 7 years ago (yes when we were at school) and since then i have always wanted him back. we have stayed in touch and fallen out and made friends again more times than i can remember.
i went for a drink with him on friday night after not seeing him in 4 years.
we got on so so well and i just :heart: him so so much. things is....he now feels the same. but as there is a baby involved just wants to be good friends as he isnt ready for a baby (fair enough, especially as it isn't his!)

its like i've wanted this for so so long and he has said himself, if there was no baby he wouldnt think twice about getting back together.

stupid stupid stupid timing!


anyone have any stories of a similar sort? we can wallow together!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I say leave the babies father, if it's not great now then it will only get worse once you have the baby. You and the baby are the priority so you have to look after yourselves first and foremost. And as for this guy, well he can't want you that much if he's reluctant because you're pregnant. Fair enough to him like but if he was really madly in love with you it wouldn't be a problem. Obviously you don't want to give up the baby for the sake of a guy. You never know, he may change his mind once the baby arrives. But always put yourself and the baby first no matter what you do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the dad are i arent really together anymore but getting on well as friends so thats ok.

    as for this guy....i think maybe something will happen in time but its just such bad timing really. if only we had gone for that drink 6 months ago....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reckon things like that are up to fate, and what will be will be. Maybe there's a reason unknown to anyone why you didn't go for the drink 6 months ago, yet if you're meant to get together with the ex in the future then it will happen somehow?
    (Rather philosophical for a Sunday night, I know..)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's asier to want someone and tell them you want them when you can't have them. I don't think the thing with your ex is real, and think you need to let it go as whimsical fond memories. Look to the positive things that will be in your future instead of regretting those that won't.

    good luck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that you should take it slowly with this new guy and there has to be something there if he says that he wouldnt think twice about getting with you, if there was no baby..i think its a little sad really as the baby shouldnt get in the way of how he feels about you as the baby is now a part of who you are..
    but take it slowly and im sure he will want you faster than you think :)

    hope it goes well for you.. goodluck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    It's asier to want someone and tell them you want them when you can't have them. I don't think the thing with your ex is real, and think you need to let it go as whimsical fond memories. Look to the positive things that will be in your future instead of regretting those that won't.

    good luck
    This is very true and very good advice :yes:.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sweet_gal wrote: »
    he says that he wouldnt think twice about getting with you, if there was no baby

    i have seen him again since i originally posted and he has now said he wants to be with me as well as the baby, but we are going to take things slowly. i'm seeing him tonight i think :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a result then. I'd still advise you be cautious, especially until you're both sure.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see why he can't be your boyfriend, he doesn't have to be the dad, who knows things might not work out. If it starts getting serious then you'll have to take it from there... best of luck chelle :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh dear. look, im not saying you HAVE to be by yourself. but all you do is bounce from man to man to man. and i thought when you got pregnant, and it was pretty clear that the father wasnt going to be very reliable, you'd concentrate on what was important - your baby and yourself.

    instead its yet again "oh i met this guy who i knew x years ago and hes sooo lovely". its the same every few months. none of my business i know, but how many boyfriends have you had anyway? when your baby comes you will need to be strong for it and yourself and not rely on a guy.

    ill no doubt get flamed for this but having known you on here and LJ for a few years, its just my opinions. sorry if i offended you.
    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bad timing, but the baby is very very real, and that will be your priority incredibly soon, so he obviously isnt "the one"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is always the option to have your own boyfriend, regardless of whether they make you into a nice little family, just keeping the two things seperate- it's what I do. Nothing to say you can't just date this guy without your baby when you have babysitters, you just have to acknowledge and accept the relationship's limitations.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    There is always the option to have your own boyfriend, regardless of whether they make you into a nice little family, just keeping the two things seperate- it's what I do. Nothing to say you can't just date this guy without your baby when you have babysitters, you just have to acknowledge and accept the relationship's limitations.

    Exactly. :yes:

    I think it's a big ask to have somebody get straight away involved with somebody elses unborn child (no matter how cool they say they are with it).

    I'm just unclear as to why Michelle seems so focused on finding another guy when, as has been pointed out, all focus is going to be on something completely different in just a few months.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    There is always the option to have your own boyfriend, regardless of whether they make you into a nice little family, just keeping the two things seperate- it's what I do. Nothing to say you can't just date this guy without your baby when you have babysitters, you just have to acknowledge and accept the relationship's limitations.

    easy to say when your child is older.............
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes, much easier, I had a boyfriend of my own from toddlerhood onwards.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    I'm just unclear as to why Michelle seems so focused on finding another guy when, as has been pointed out, all focus is going to be on something completely different in just a few months.

    You still want and need love, sex and affection, even after you're pregnant and *shock horror* given birth. It's pretty natural to want someone, no matter what stage of your life you're in. If we all waited til we were perfect and the timing was completely right, well, I'm sure we'd all be screwed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    You still want and need love, sex and affection, even after you're pregnant and *shock horror* given birth. It's pretty natural to want someone, no matter what stage of your life you're in. If we all waited til we were perfect and the timing was completely right, well, I'm sure we'd all be screwed.


    Aye - I suppose some people (such as myself) just aren't fussed by the need to have somebody there. Even when they do have somebody there.

    Although, the focus of my post was about her spending a lot of time/effort on guys right now... and that expecting any guys to 'accept' the baby straight off is a bit of an ask. Not on the fact that you won't want such things after the child has arrived. I am just concerned that a few months down the line Michelle is going to find herself without this latest guy to rely on. I suppose the thing here is she needs to learn to rely on herself, friends and family, as opposed to the next fella she likes (that isn't the father) etc etc.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats true, i just cant help thinking that how much time and emotions a new relationship takes up, it is as BB says, bad timing because not only could the baby get in the way of the new relationship, the new relationship could get in the way of mother and baby bonding.
    Sometimes its even hard for well established relationships to survive that intense new baby stage
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, true, I suspect that once that bond kicks in though, the focus will just automatically shift. I
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    and that expecting any guys to 'accept' the baby straight off is a bit of an ask.

    Actually, I don't think she's expecting that at all. I didn't read her post properly because I've been reading about it on LJ but from what I know she seems pretty aware of the fact that it would be hard for a guy to accept the fact that she's carrying another guy's baby.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    Actually, I don't think she's expecting that at all. I didn't read her post properly because I've been reading about it on LJ but from what I know she seems pretty aware of the fact that it would be hard for a guy to accept the fact that she's carrying another guy's baby.

    If that's the case, then fair enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a similar situation, and me and this guy seemed to have had a falling out, and he's no longer talking to me. I've spent 5 years pining after him, and I'm no longer prepared to do it.

    "good things come to those who wait"- was a phrase coined solely for guiness drinkers. there are things that should be revisited, such as when you fall out with friends, or you don't do something or go somewhere because you had a one off bad experiance there. But in my experiance, no matter how good it seems to go back to someone of your past, how much they may have changed, forget it.

    and to totaly contradict myself, i believe in fate, so if its meant to happen, it may do in the future...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I met a bloke i fell madly for he had a mrs, took his ages to decide to leave her a day after he said he was leaving her she tells him shes pregnant!Typical,sods law i guess init.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    Actually, I don't think she's expecting that at all. I didn't read her post properly because I've been reading about it on LJ but from what I know she seems pretty aware of the fact that it would be hard for a guy to accept the fact that she's carrying another guy's baby.

    thank you :heart:

    i dont for one second expect him to accept the baby as his own or anything like that, and my main focus is my baby, of course it is. but i dont see why i should shut every other aspect of my life out just because of the baby? and of course when it comes it will be my priority but thats not for 5 months yet and i dont see why i should shut myself away for that time? its not as though i am jumping into bed with this guy, or even rushing into anything.

    and to who ever said it...i'm not jumping from one bloke to the next. you dont know the history with this guy, you dont understand.
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