Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Am I being a bit of bitch?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Right, here's the situation...

At uni next year I'm living in a house with 5 other people. There's 6 bedrooms, all double, except for one which is single. Nobody wants the single room, with quite a passion. One of the doubles in one the ground floor. One of the girl's mums is ill, she has cancer and has had a series of operations, and therefore finds it very difficult to climb the stairs. She has asked me, individually if I would mind if she doesn't get put in the hat for the single room (which is on the second floor) and is automatically allowed the double room on the ground floor, incase her mum wants to stay. I said that I was really sorry, but didn't think this was loads fair if there's ways we can get around it, and because everyone hates the single room so much. I didn't think it would be fair on the others. She said she had already asked all but one of the others and they were cool with it. So I straight away said, OK well majority rules, I don't feel majorly strongly about it anyway, forget I said anything. But she's said no, if I have even the slightest problem she'll just forget the whole thing. Not in a nasty way, just straight up.

I'm now wishing I had said NOTHING! I've got a horrible feeling I've been really unkind, unsympathetic and selfish over a room! I just blurted out what I thought, without even thinking. How can I backtrack? She's pretty insistant that we should forget she said anything. Argh :banghead:

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    While I can see you're point, if there are 6 rooms and someone has very specific and by the sounds of it distressing circumstances it seems fair to try and work round things.

    We allocated the rooms in our house by working out what each person wanted and coming to a compromise. It sounds like her mum visiting her (whether to stay, or just to visit) would be a whole lot simpler if she had a ground floor room and it's not like it's the only double.

    If you do change your mind and decide that it doesn't matter that much who gets that downstairs room, but it would make a big difference to her, then one way to back track would be to say something along the lines of 'sorry about being tetchy the other day, was a little stressed but from my point of view it would be daft for you not to have that room'.

    Worth bearing in mind that lots of people don't like ground floor rooms for security reasons....
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm i think you are fine with this one, you werent cool with it so why say you would be cool with it? might as well say what you feel.

    its not unsympathetic and selfish in my eyes, at the end of the day her mum isnt renting a room there, if she was it would be different.

    harsh, but true.

    also im the sort of person who'd just let em sort it out and tell me what room i was in, couldnt be arsed with all that fannying around over who's got which room, but thats just me.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scary Monster wrote: »
    While I can see you're point, if there are 6 rooms and someone has very specific and by the sounds of it distressing circumstances it seems fair to try and work round things.

    We allocated the rooms in our house by working out what each person wanted and coming to a compromise. It sounds like her mum visiting her (whether to stay, or just to visit) would be a whole lot simpler if she had a ground floor room and it's not like it's the only double.

    If you do change your mind and decide that it doesn't matter that much who gets that downstairs room, but it would make a big difference to her, then one way to back track would be to say something along the lines of 'sorry about being tetchy the other day, was a little stressed but from my point of view it would be daft for you not to have that room'.

    Worth bearing in mind that lots of people don't like ground floor rooms for security reasons....

    :yes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers for the responses. I spoke to her again, tried to keep it light but ended up getting upset (so much for not making a big thing about it). She said it's OK, we'l just wipe it clean and forget I said anything. But she also said she had expected me to support her, and understand what she had been through, and that if it was the other way around she would have been on my side unquestionnably. I think that's a little unfair, because I can't take it all away, and having a different room wouldn't take it all away anyway. But it's made me feel like I've let her down. Especially when by the sounds of it, everyone else in the house said yes straightaway.

    It's been a bit akward this morning. I really feel like I've let her down, and it's not like I can pass it off as not a big thing, because I went and got bloody upset!! ahhh :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take some time to cool off, you may feel differently and a little better in a couple of days.
    I think that's a little unfair, because I can't take it all away, and having a different room wouldn't take it all away anyway

    It wouldn't, but you'd be surprised at how little gestures can make a massive amount of difference to people.
  • Options
    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I don't think you're in the wrong. You first said what you thought, and there's nothing wrong with being sincere. You've changed your mind since and have repeatedly told her that you have, but now it's her refusing to go along with the original plan.
    She can't blame you for not having your final opinion from the beginning, it's absurd.
Sign In or Register to comment.