Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

Not Sure

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok i have a question my ex and i have been talking over the last couple of months and we keep meeting up with each other.

We have talked about getting back together previously and there might be a chance.

There is nobody else involved on either side.

He picked me up last night and i went back to his and ended up staying the night..... I have refused him sex for the last 3 months until last night, (and he has mentioned it)

He has told me that he loves me, and we were all kisses and cuddles, even this morning, before we went to work.

When he dropped me off this morning we kissed again and i asked if he was going to text today and he said "yeah" (but this was negative, think it was tiredness)

I am worried that he's just wanted sex..

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you text him? Something short and sweet, like "It was fun hanging out with you. Hows work going?" Or something. Don't wait for him to text you or you'll be worrying about this all day.

    Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll wait till tonight to text him. He's got a lot of work on at the mo.
    He hurt has finger yesturday at work.

    Have you noticed that either your with someone new or getting back with an ex cause if you text them then you might seem too keen, bunny boiler and scarey!!!

    If you dont text them then you could be waiting 3 - 4 days. Its always the same lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose may be u are confuse about Sex and Relationshiop dilema.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Possibly!
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    carrie3107 wrote: »

    Have you noticed that either your with someone new or getting back with an ex cause if you text them then you might seem too keen, bunny boiler and scarey!!!

    If you dont text them then you could be waiting 3 - 4 days. Its always the same lol

    This is true. However, the difference with an ex is that if you genuinely believe it's a good idea to get back together then he will know that you're neither a bunny boiler nor scary and if he reacts badly to a text from you, or doesn't bother replying, then you're probably not destined to get back together.

    There are a few things that are worth thinking through in your situation which to me are more important than whether or not your guy was just holding out for sex. It's possible he really enjoyed the sex and has missed that aspect of your relationship, but at the same time, it may be more complex than that. It's a good idea to think about these question?

    How long ago did you split up? Is it long enough to have thought things through and not just go back to what's safe and comfortable?

    How much space (periods of time with no contact) have you given each other?

    What's changed since you split up to make you think things would be different a second time around?

    I know it's a cliche, but generally when people split up it's not a snap decision and there are good reasons. Although that's not to say things can't work out a second time.

    You may find the following useful to help you in your decision.
    1. Don't Let Your Emotions Take Control

    A few minutes of mental discipline can mean years of emotional play. Like we discussed earlier, it's difficult to step back and think rationally when you open the positive lines of communication with your ex. A flood of emotion can overcome you, clouding your judgment. Resist the good feelings and focus on if starting a new relationship with your ex will be a positive contribution to your present life. If not, you may want to reconsider.

    2. Heal Old Wounds

    Don't forget- something about him upset you in the first place! You or he may have regrets, but that's not enough to resolve any previous pet peeves or conflicts. Sure, your previous relationship wasn't a trip to the grocery store, but it helps to take some time alone to write a list of your ex's positive and negative qualities. Be as detailed as possible and list situations if necessary. Try and draw out what contributions you feel each of you made to the failed relationship. Be sure to discuss these things with him and ask yourself: Have these issues really been resolved? Has he or I truly changed or can either of you live with the things you couldn't live with before?

    3. Drop Previous Expectations

    A new relationship with your ex is just that- a new relationship. So, drop the previous dreams and expectations and start anew. You don't have to start from the beginning of man, but try and build a new life together and treat common goals and expectations as if they are new. There is still trust and a renewed friendship to be built.

    Ultimately, the decision to get back with your ex has to lie with you; but it's important to make sure you don't fall into the same patterns, fights or routines that led you to the first breakup. Ask yourself honest questions followed by truthful answers, then openly discuss the feasibility of a new relationship with your ex.

    Take care. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great Advice Helen, much appreciated love

    Weve been split 3 months the first month he didnt contact me after that we have kept in contact maybe once a week with a text message and this is the 4 time we have met up during this period.

    The main change is that he has had to look after himself. (Which was one of my pet hates, cause he never did anything around the house) Since we've been split hes had to do everything else the same.

    Ive changed as well cause i never used to go out spending most of the time with him on a night time, which (if we did get back together i would continue to do which would give both of us time to chill out him using his xbox and me chilling with my mates.

    He did say if he wanted sex he could have got it anywere.

    When we were together last night we didnt talk about what went wrong with the relationship. I just said sorry for being a bitch and he said thats ok and sorry for being a twat.

    There has been a more complex reason hes been promoted at work and has had a lot of pressure and responsability put on him, (one of the managers has been trying to get him sacked for the last 6 months cause he doesnt like him) (I didnt know about that).

    To be honest i dont think i will sleep with him again until i get some reassurance that we are going to get back together and trust has started to develop.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Interesting weekend!!!

    Spoke to the ex over the weekend and to be honest thought we were going to get back together.

    He sent me a text saying speak to you soon, and i thought to myself i cant do this hanging on so i texted him back saying its all or nothing, you cant keep on coming in and out of my life when it suits you. I deserve better.

    I know that was hard but my mood swings are terrible at the moment, and if we carried on this way then i wouldnt be able to find a another relationship.

    The way i am looking at him now is not how i wanted him to be but how he really is. A sad lonely person!!!
Sign In or Register to comment.