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Oldest Friend And Someone I Dated!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Feeling in a really awkward position at the moment! My oldest friend seems to be hitting it off with someone I recently dated, led me on for a while then decided they didnt want a relationship after all. I have decided to leave it as 'no bad feelings' with this person, however I really am not particularly liking this. They have something in common which I can understand but I am finding it slightly annoying having to hear about them through my friend from time to time. The worst part is I am sure that they are discussing me and what happened between us. I have told them both that I am not happy about this and that it should be layed to rest or only discussed between the person I dated and I. I really feel like my friend is sort of butting in and that no one is taking in to consideration the fact that this could be awkward for me! Spoken to a few people and they are saying just ignore them and leave them to their friendship. I just know for a fact that if it was the other way round my mate would not be happy about it! I guess Ive learnt from this experience not to pass the phone onto my friend in future when Im talking to someone Im seeing! In fact Ill probably cancel on my friend this weekend as Im rather annoyed to say the least.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if there's no hard feelings then whats the problem? i don't get it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh I think you've got things pretty clear. You're annoyed, and I think it's perfectly understandable. If I read correctly, you're more annoyed at your mate than at the person you dated with, you'd like more understanding from them. And if they are not complying with what you asked from them it's perfectly normal to be angry. After all we do expect some loyalty from our friends. If you have made your feelings pretty clear to both parties already, then I don't think there's much more you can do about it, and for the moment I think it's a good idea to stay clear from you friend if that's the case.

    However, are you positive they are discussing you? How do you know exactly that they are not doing what you asked them to? Are you sure you are not accusing them unjustly? It's a delicate situation to find oneself in and maybe you need a reason to be angry?

    I was in a similar situation not too long ago - one of my very closest friends started dating someone I fancied. And whilst it was my ego that hurt more than anything else I asked my friend to not talk to me about her dates with the guy until I was comfortable with the idea of them together. At least she was understanding though and avoided the subject. But with some time I got over the whole thing - and good thing I did because their dates turned into a serious relationship and they are now actually married. Sometimes it's simply better to lick your own wounds and let people be. And it's also necessary to take the space and time one needs in order to do that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    Tbh I think you've got things pretty clear. You're annoyed, and I think it's perfectly understandable. If I read correctly, you're more annoyed at your mate than at the person you dated with, you'd like more understanding from them. And if they are not complying with what you asked from them it's perfectly normal to be angry. After all we do expect some loyalty from our friends. If you have made your feelings pretty clear to both parties already, then I don't think there's much more you can do about it, and for the moment I think it's a good idea to stay clear from you friend if that's the case.

    However, are you positive they are discussing you? How do you know exactly that they are not doing what you asked them to? Are you sure you are not accusing them unjustly? It's a delicate situation to find oneself in and maybe you need a reason to be angry?

    I was in a similar situation not too long ago - one of my very closest friends started dating someone I fancied. And whilst it was my ego that hurt more than anything else I asked my friend to not talk to me about her dates with the guy until I was comfortable with the idea of them together. At least she was understanding though and avoided the subject. But with some time I got over the whole thing - and good thing I did because their dates turned into a serious relationship and they are now actually married. Sometimes it's simply better to lick your own wounds and let people be. And it's also necessary to take the space and time one needs in order to do that.

    They are not actually getting it on together as such as they are both women and my friend is straight. But yeah I feel annoyed with my friend as I barely know the other person and same for her! Ah well Ill just leave them be for the moment!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, sorry, I thought there was some romantic involvement there, I misunderstood. Well, all the more reason to leave them be tbh..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    Ah, sorry, I thought there was some romantic involvement there, I misunderstood. Well, all the more reason to leave them be tbh..

    Yeah thanks for your words :) Its really hard to block this out of my mind at the moment but I guess its all I can try to do.
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