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Do most men prefer women to make the first move?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I was just wondering this, because I never know where I am with a guy (when I'm not going out with him) !

Seriously, I don't know if its the same for you guys but one minute guys seem interested and then the next minute they're chatting up this other girl. Do most girls mistake friendly male behaviour for a flirting attitude, or is it the other way round, with men mistaking friendly females for flirty females?

Please don't tell me "the top ten signs he fancies you" or whatever, I've looked up them and some of them are true and some are not, then again it depends on the person I suppose.

So... back to the actual point, are men shy when it comes to relationships? And what do they look for in a girl - looks or personality? Intelligence or ditziness? I know it might vary but can you generalize please? And my final point, what do men want out of a relationship (apart from sex) and what do they expect girls to do/ how do they expect to be treated?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my experience...Men can be very shy/quick to give up on relationships to avoid looking silly. They look for looks but most importantly personality, intelligence but ability to let go and preferably the girl won't be quite as intelligent as the man. From a relationship I believe men want a girl who's up for doing the sort of things the man wants to do, ranging from absolutely nothing all day to going out clubbing. Men don't want to be nagged or put down by their girl. They want the girl to be happy and positive so that it is a pleasure to spend time with them but men do like girl company. Men don't want to feel tied down but in a fun, happy relationship they don't feel tied down. Men don't want to feel like they are making too many sacrafices (so don't tell them). IMO
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So... back to the actual point, are men shy when it comes to relationships?
    I think most people are to be honest.
    And what do they look for in a girl - looks or personality?
    Both. You get with someone based on looks, you stay with them based on personality. Generally speaking, anyway. But personality is too subjective. There's no such thing as a good personality, just like there's no such thing as a "good sense of humour." There's only compatible personalities or SOHs. Everyone thinks their sense of humour is great, it's just a case of finding someone who shares it. Personally, I like girly girls, whereas a lot of blokes are far more interested in a girl who is a bit more down to earth. But as a general rule, I'd say just like women aren't attracted to feminine men, men aren't attracted to masculine women. So downing pints and belching the alphabet isn't likely to attract a lot of potential boyfriends.
    Intelligence or ditziness?
    Both. They're not mutually exclusive. The first is more important, but I love ditzy girls personally.
    And my final point, what do men want out of a relationship (apart from sex) and what do they expect girls to do/ how do they expect to be treated?
    Same things girls want, essentially. I think both sexes want to feel important and loved every now and again, it's just that we show it in different ways. I'd say for men, the ability to make a girl laugh is important, as is feeling intelligent, athletic, etc (delete as applicable, based on what your bloke happens to be good at).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am not leaning back enjoying every time a girl comes up to me to talk, but it's a nice thing for a change. What I hate is, if a girl is interested in me, but is too chicken shit about it and expects me to go up to her. Nothing ventured nothing gained I say. It's nice if someone approaches you, but I think ideally both people make steps towards each other. Would never expect someone to approach me. An old saying says, "If you want to make it work, do it yourself." [bad translation too].

    /edit: About the chatting you up and talking to another girl some time later.
    Well, if you we have certain expectations and they are not met (e.g. you are dumb, silly, arrogant, looked better across the club, boring, you seem bit disinterested, or it's just not leading anywhere), then we just look for our fortune elsewhere. Don't think this applies just to men, however.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    I am not leaning back enjoying every time a girl comes up to me to talk, but it's a nice thing for a change. What I hate is, if a girl is interested in me, but is too chicken shit about it and expects me to go up to her. Nothing ventured nothing gained I say. It's nice if someone approaches you, but I think ideally both people make steps towards each other. Would never expect someone to approach me. An old saying says, "If you want to make it work, do it yourself." [bad translation too].

    /edit: About the chatting you up and talking to another girl some time later.
    Well, if you we have certain expectations and they are not met (e.g. you are dumb, silly, arrogant, looked better across the club, boring, you seem bit disinterested, or it's just not leading anywhere), then we just look for our fortune elsewhere. Don't think this applies just to men, however.


    Well, I think part of it is that we are raised to expect the guy to always have to make the move. I have had one real relationship in my life only to find if I had acted earlier on a few girls, it would have been clear sailing. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id prefer the girl to make the first move, otherwise, nothing happens (or wouldnt if someone liked me). i look mostly for personality, but i have to find them a bit attractive. im not fussed about how clever they are, because thats a bit selfish, unless thats what turns you on i supose... id like to treat her with respect, as she with me and id like to be there for her, and id like to be cared for. not as in, she runs around after me, but... cares.

    i know it might not be a common viewpoint, but hope it helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pacman326 wrote: »
    Well, I think part of it is that we are raised to expect the guy to always have to make the move. I have had one real relationship in my life only to find if I had acted earlier on a few girls, it would have been clear sailing. :)

    Yeah, that's the thing about expectations. They usually disappoint. If I was a girl, I wouldn't wait for someone to follow any of those rules and sit on needles until they do. If I want a girl, I act on it. If a girl wants me and doesn't do anything: her loss.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think your question is, how do you know when a guy is being genuine?:angel:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I personally will appreciate if girl make the first move because i feel really frightened in making the first move and if girl make the first move things can become easy for me to proceed, actually i am very bad in understanding what girl is thinking.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No idea about most men, but I certainly welcome it when a woman makes the first move. Saves me from having to do it, for starters. :p
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I personally will appreciate if girl make the first move because i feel really frightened in making the first move and if girl make the first move things can become easy for me to proceed, actually i am very bad in understanding what girl is thinking.
    Same... As in, if it ever happened.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think shy girls are popular, but equally, a lot of blokes want the girl to make the first move. But I reckon that's more to do with them not wanting to make the first move themselves, rather than genuinely finding girls who are forward attractive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    okay, thanks a lot (:

    And yeah, genuinity in guys? How -can- you tell?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    These questions are hard to answer! Everyones different aren't they. Some guys do, some don't. Just have to go with your gut.

    But to answer your questions. Of course looks are important as thats the first thing you notice isn't it. But personality is the key. I like someone who can make me laugh, can actually talk to and just yanno .. feel comfortable around, like when there's a silence it isn't awkward kinda thing. Thats what i like and tend to look for. Looks wise .. whatever, blonde, brunette, GINGER, alien whatever.
  • BunnieBunnie TheSite's sweetie pie Posts: 6,099
    okay, thanks a lot (:

    And yeah, genuinity in guys? How -can- you tell?

    you can't unfortunately, not until you really know them.

    You just have to have trust there and if you get hurt, you get hurt.

    I know thats easy for me to say, but I have been hurt hundreds of times and you may say I should have learnt my lesson, but you wouldnt get anywhere if you didnt give people a chance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I love ditzy girls personally.
    Ok this is a genuine question - can you please explain to me why would a smart bloke like yourself like ditzy girls? I'm not criticising anything, I just really want to know as I've never understood this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    Ok this is a genuine question - can you please explain to me why would a smart bloke like yourself like ditzy girls? I'm not criticising anything, I just really want to know as I've never understood this.
    Why not? Ditziness is just a personality trait. It says nothing about your intelligence. I think we're all naturally drawn to someone who is of a similar level of intelligence to us. But all sorts of personalities exist at all intelligence levels, which is what I was saying when I said that they're not mutually exclusive. I get the feeling that when you say ditzy, you mean girls who are stupid, whereas when I say ditzy, I'm talking about mannerisms, like talking at a million miles an hour and constantly going off on tangents, or getting really excited about trivial things.

    But it's not as if it's a rational decision anyway. I just happen to connect with girls with particular personality traits and find them the easiest to flirt with and the most fun to be around. Probably the fact that they're easy to tease means that it's easy to get a bit of a rapport going with them. Just some observations of girls I've liked in the past.

    Oh, and I'm probably not as smart as you think I am. ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why not? Ditziness is just a personality trait. It says nothing about your intelligence. I think we're all naturally drawn to someone who is of a similar level of intelligence to us. But all sorts of personalities exist at all intelligence levels, which is what I was saying when I said that they're not mutually exclusive. I get the feeling that when you say ditzy, you mean girls who are stupid, whereas when I say ditzy, I'm talking about mannerisms, like talking at a million miles an hour and constantly going off on tangents, or getting really excited about trivial things.

    But it's not as if it's a rational decision anyway. I just happen to connect with girls with particular personality traits and find them the easiest to flirt with and the most fun to be around. Probably the fact that they're easy to tease means that it's easy to get a bit of a rapport going with them. Just some observations of girls I've liked in the past.

    Oh, and I'm probably not as smart as you think I am. ;)
    Oh yes you are ;). Anyway, thanks for clearing that up a bit for me. There's probably a lot of truth there in what you said about them being easier to flirt with.

    And I know ditziness can go with intelligence, I've met tons of intelligent women that as soon as a bloke comes into the scene they switch into ditzy, air-headed mode. If I were I bloke I would find their attitude extremely boring, but obviously guys don't since it works to get their attention (which is the puzzling bit for me). Anyway, it goes to prove they're actually very smart ladies, since they know exactly what to do to get what they want ;).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    Ok this is a genuine question - can you please explain to me why would a smart bloke like yourself like ditzy girls? I'm not criticising anything, I just really want to know as I've never understood this.


    I do too, i find it really cute and genuine quality. It seems to set off protective instincts in me, like i want to cuddle the ditzy thing.

    It has nothing to do with intelligence, it's just just a nice quality that they are relaxed and a bit silly sometimes.
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