Home Sex & Relationships

hmm problems relaxing and pleasing

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
me and my girlfriend have started to have sex as of a few weeks back, she was a virgin previously she started off with moderate discomfort but still pleasured the 1st time as we talked and took it slow - it's going well as a whole, with atmosphere being nice and relaxed, however it's getting pretty frustrating because neither of us finish it seems

for me it's just because i don't come that easily, which also annoyed my partner in my last relationship too and for my current girlfriend i think it's her tenseness, since even clitoral stimulation (by tongue) was just making her a bit jumpy even though she enjoyed it but we stopped after a few attempts

hmm i'm not sure how to approach it because i did try earlier, but just landed up in a sulk instead of trying to explain it since i find it pretty hard to explain that i get pleasure from knowing i'm giving it so it makes me down not to see her orgasmic. :chin: and as much as i like taking the lead and doing the hard work, i do like a bit of friendly banter and direction etc

lack of good english ftl

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how long have you been together now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    since xmas, though we were kind of going out for a bit beofre that and met last year
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    since xmas, though we were kind of going out for a bit beofre that and met last year

    hm, i don't know then :/ Thought maybe she's not entirely comfortable around you, tenses up a bit, because the rlship might be quite young etc. (I've had that too, that girl didn't like oral, because an ex only did it, because she wanted, etc. and she developed a complex about dudes seeing it as a chore to go down on her, so she couldn't relax and therefore 'benefit' of it). All that helps now - if not time - is having a talk with her, kind of convincing her that you are not doing it out of "sheesh, ookaaay, for your sake im going down on you."...

    good luck
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi ya,
    Although you have been together for a while, it may be that you've yet to overcome some of the common anxieties that arise when having sex with a new partner.

    It sounds like you're on the right track with trying things that initially make her feel jumpy but she then enjoys, and maybe if you continue with those things and as strubbs says insist that you want to please her, then she'll start to relax more and feel more confident.

    As for your own pleasure - try and remember that the brain is the largest sexual organ, so being relaxed and open with your partner is probably the main thing that will make a difference for you - so it's well worth trying that talk again.

    All the best :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It might be because she is inexperienced and so it will take a bit of time for her to learn how she likes things and then express that to you. Has she orgasmed by herself before?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    It might be because she is inexperienced and so it will take a bit of time for her to learn how she likes things and then express that to you. Has she orgasmed by herself before?

    strangely enoguh no, though i do try to encourage her :naughty:
Sign In or Register to comment.