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Inadequate

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Lately I have been feeling quite inadequate and useless. My lovely bloke has booked a holiday for us in the summer at a posh hotel with a spa and I although I know I should be looking forward to it I cant seem to muster up any happy feelings, I am worried about being all lumpy and white on the beach and then going out at night with all the pretty girls around.

If I think rationally about it I know I am being silly, as he has seen me naked lots and lots and has tried to reassure me that he loves me, thinks I am gorgeous and that I am the only one for him, but its more about how I feel about myself, I am totally lacking in confidence in all aspects of my life right now.

Everyone other than my closest friends think I am this super confident, bright, young (ish) woman who everyone likes and has a great sense of humour but its just a front.

I worry so much about how I look and how people perceive me, I just dont know what I can do to make my feelings change so I can start to be more positive about my life and my future. I don't want to ruin the holiday by feeling down while we are meant to be off being spoiled and having a good time.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I worry so much about how I look and how people perceive me...
    And that is the problem. You really shouldn't give a shit about this. The only people in life whose opinions genuinely matter are those of friends, family and whoever you happen to be in a relationship with. The opinions of others about your body or whatever should count for absolutely nothing.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey twinklestar,
    It sounds like you have a lovely boyfriend and a wonderful holiday planned :) However, worries about body image can put a dampner on things so it's great that you're looking to improve your confidence relating to these issues.

    The BBC Website has a really good article about body image that I would recommend reading here. I think this paragraph is particularly insightful:
    You're more than your image
    Many people ignore the fact that the idealised body images that surround them are just that - idealised - and actually unattainable for most of us. This means they find themselves on a relentless pursuit of the elusive perfect figure - which just leaves them chronically dissatisfied with their appearance. This can lead to poor self-esteem and a lack of confidence.

    It helps to put the whole issue into perspective, remembering you're not alone. The vast majority of people don't have (and won't ever have) these perfect bodies either, but what does that really mean? The truth is that it doesn't actually mean you can't have the positive things we associate with these images. This is a fallacy that started in Hollywood - and it should remain there.

    The biggest myth is you can't be considered physically attractive without fitting into this mould. There are many ways to be attractive beyond the stereotype. It's certainly not always the best looking person that gets the girl or guy.

    Most of us are much more likely to talk and get to know somebody who is friendly and approachable rather than a more physically attractive self-centred person. Our personality and behaviour count for a lot. We need to accept ourselves for who we are and what we're meant to look like. Our aim should be to be the best and healthiest we can - we need to realise that this is the 'perfect' us.

    You may also find some of these practical exercises helpful.

    I hope this helps a little - but do come back and tell us more about how you're feeling as we'd love to help more if we can. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    agree with the other posts that you shouldn't worry about what other people think,

    but if you're that fussed about how you look - then join a gym or go swimming or something. do some push-ups and sit-ups in the privacy of your own home if you prefer. there is a lot of time between now and the summer, so if YOU wanted to (not because of what you think other people would think) then you can make a difference
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