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Shyness
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Is this health or relationships? Wasn't sure, so feel free to move it if needed.
I have a real problem with shyness, not so much in one to one, or informal situations, but mainly voicing opinions to a larger group especially a group of people I'm not familiar with. This courses problems at uni with things like seminars, where I'm required to have a an imput and discuss things, but I end up sitting silent for the whole time. It's not that I don't know the answer, in fact the most frustrating thing is knowing the answer and not being able to say it. If I am called on to speak I usually stumble over my words and go bright red. In more extreme cases, like presentations or when I've know I've got to speak in front of the class so I kinda have that build up of knowing it's coming, it actually gets to the point where I can't speak because my mouth won't move properly, and I mumble and go red and rush what I have to say. Then I see everyone look at me afterwards, and they probably wonder why the hell I'm so stressed about saying a few lines in front of 10 or so people . It's got to the point where there are some seminars I don't think I've said a single word in all term, and I really don't want to be that person, I want to be someone who is assertive an confident . It sounds so stupid reading this through, and even I wonder why the hell I'm making so much fuss, but at the time it feels awful.
I don't know what to do to get over it, it's just such a huge barrier.
I have a real problem with shyness, not so much in one to one, or informal situations, but mainly voicing opinions to a larger group especially a group of people I'm not familiar with. This courses problems at uni with things like seminars, where I'm required to have a an imput and discuss things, but I end up sitting silent for the whole time. It's not that I don't know the answer, in fact the most frustrating thing is knowing the answer and not being able to say it. If I am called on to speak I usually stumble over my words and go bright red. In more extreme cases, like presentations or when I've know I've got to speak in front of the class so I kinda have that build up of knowing it's coming, it actually gets to the point where I can't speak because my mouth won't move properly, and I mumble and go red and rush what I have to say. Then I see everyone look at me afterwards, and they probably wonder why the hell I'm so stressed about saying a few lines in front of 10 or so people . It's got to the point where there are some seminars I don't think I've said a single word in all term, and I really don't want to be that person, I want to be someone who is assertive an confident . It sounds so stupid reading this through, and even I wonder why the hell I'm making so much fuss, but at the time it feels awful.
I don't know what to do to get over it, it's just such a huge barrier.
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Comments
Shyness can be a real obstacle to overcome in situations where you you have to speak in front other people. It's easy to say but I find the best way to improve your confidence is to practice speaking to other people. You could do this by joining a new group at university or going to events. Try and speak to as many people as you can and you'll notice it gets easier and you will be more at ease with yourself when you meet new people.
When it comes to speaking in front of others I find that it's really helpful to practice what you're going to say before you actually say it. Focus in on the lecturer or someone you know well and direct your comments at them. Almost imagine that everyone else is invisible and it's just you and the other person speaking.
Confidence is a skill which comes naturally to some, but it is also something that can be improved. Believe in yourself and believe in what you're saying and eventually it will come.
Have a look at our article on overcoming shyness to look for other pointers.
Good Luck
:thumb:
This actually doesn't sound lame at all because I already try to do it! I try to encourage myself to be more like what i want to be like, not what I am, or think what one of my more confident friends would be like in that situation.
I have taken on a couple of things outside my course, that involve a group training session where I have to speak up. It's especially harder because I don't really know anyone and I really want to meet some new people, so it has the added pressure that I want to come across positivly. I'm just hoping the effects of the practice will eventually kick in. It's become such a big thing now I actually dread seminars and group training sessions
Basically my mate told me about a strategy to help me. I would say something like " i can speak perfectly fine in unfamiliar situations" but i would hold my thumb at the same time. i would say it 5 times a day, so that whenever i held my thumb it would trigger this thought and i would speak perfectly fine in unfamiliar situations. If i touch my thumb now...the first thing that comes into my head is that thought
just try it for a couple of weeks. :thumb:
I was bullied a lot in school and this caused me to become a very shy and awkward individual. When I first came to sixth form college, my best friend used to speak for me... I found conversation very hard.
I then did bar work, but often got pushed around by bosses and customers who told me I was thick. When I turned twenty one of my collegues actually asked why I wasn't in university, I didn't think I was clever enough...
Anyway, for me the confidence building came with campaigning and other activities. I kind of got thrown in the deep end because my dyspraxia can make communication and organisation harder... But I started volunteering, then ran for a part time officer position and basically I had to be less shy.
For me, I just pushed myself really hard, I became more conscious about the speed in which I talk and decided that the individual I'm talking to could be just as nervous as I am. After a while it becomes more natural I guess...
So my advice would be to slow your brain down. Start off by talking to friends more, then aquaintances, then friends of friends...
And (I don't want to sound patronising) just think that most people are too busy worrying about themselves than how shy you are. They quite possibly want to hear your opinion as they value it.
I don't think people are born confident, it's more about programming oneself. I'm trying to work on public speaking and presentations now.
As your talking in front of people, practise what you're going to say before hand or use some cue cards to help you remember and give you something to vocus on.