Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Erection problems

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey guys, me and my bf have recently decided to have sex. However, every time we're about to do it, he either immediately goes limp, or fails to get an erection at all. Seriously, it's like WHATEVER i do and however long we spend on foreplay, the thing doesnt even move!! It's like its completely dead! It's also having an effect on my self-esteem and really upsetting me because it makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough for him, though he#s adamant that that isn't the case. I'm having difficulty understanding this, because with past bfs, they got an erection very quickly. We've been trying for quite a while now, to no avail, and its not to do with alcohol because he doesnt drink that much. I've tried pretty much everything, except for oral sex because i have some problems with that. Are there any ways that we can solve this, any ideas?? x

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First thing's first. How old are the two of you?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We're both 19.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alright. As a guy, does he have much sexual experience? If he doesn't, this might be why he's unable to get an erection. It could be nerves.
    Also, is he is on any medication?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, he isn't on medication. He's not incredibly experienced, but isn't a virgin either. And we're pretty comfortable with each other, so i don't see why that would affect him. I've been reassuring and understanding, and asked if there's anything he'd like done, but nothing works. Is there anything i can perhaps try that might work?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Difficult to make a precise analysis via a computer screen, but it sounds as if something else may be amiss. Has he ever had erection problems in the past?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, he hasn't had problems before, which suggests that i'm the problem.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, you aren't the problem, that's for certain. I remember one time when I failed to get an erection, and my girlfriend at the time started blaming herself. That totally wasn't the reason, and it isn't in this case either. He's not under any big stresses at the moment, is he?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope no stresses... there's actually nothing that could be the cause, which is frustrating! Oh well, i may just have to persevere!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm... in that case, it could well be something medical. I'm no doctor, so that's who he'd have to see next.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First things try get him to go to his doctor who will probably perscribe some viagra or un earth some sort of medical problem that could be causing it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe it's nerves to be honest.

    This might be a long shot coming from me (ha) - Try blind folding him, that way he will not know what has 'hit' him?

    Its just an idea.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like it will be nerves to be honest. If he's had problems once or twice he will become conscious of it, worrying about it, and if he starts worrying about it it will never come.

    Keep calm and it will happen. It's not because you're ugly.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    It sounds like it will be nerves to be honest. If he's had problems once or twice he will become conscious of it, worrying about it, and if he starts worrying about it it will never come.

    Keep calm and it will happen. It's not because you're ugly.

    Yea I was about to say this.

    As soon as it happens once, you fret that next time it might happen - and it just gets worse as you put pressure on yourself. I don't know how to go about it, but maybe just have fun - rather than focussing on the sex, just explore each other a little and have a nice time. If you don't have sex, no loss, because you both had fun anyway.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    ... but maybe just have fun - rather than focussing on the sex, just explore each other a little and have a nice time.

    :yes:

    Take the focus away from sex and just concentrate on prolonged foreplay with him. Use the opportunity to make a mental note as to what sort of stimulation gets a response from him, so that you can use it in the future.

    This has nothing to do with you being undesirable but by making this feeling known to him, you will only increase his anxiety.

    He is unlikely to have a medical problem at his age so I would suggest that it is led by his anxiety, whatever that may be.

    By allowing you to explore and stimulate him for a long period before penetration, it will help him to feel comfortable with you and more inclined to get that erection. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry about it. It's happened to me lots of times with extremely attractive girls. Luckily they were all nice girls though haha.. it's still shit not being able to take a boner when you would otherwise be almost cumming in your pants lol

    My advice to you though is to maybe try something a bit different. Get some porno and watch it together, maybe have a few glasses of nice wine, light some candles, put on some music that you can both relax to (I always love having sex with Rui da Dilva's 'Touch Me') lol, but each to their own..

    Just spice things up a bit. The atmosphere needs to be good.

    One other piece of advice.. you should say to him at the start of the week not to masturbate until the weekend when the two of you will be able to get together. I guarantee that he'll be up for it then.. especially with a little wine and porn.

    Good luck! :)
Sign In or Register to comment.