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So confused!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Warning...long post!
I've been with and lived with my boyfriend for four years, and during that time the relationship has been very up-and-down.
He has cheated a few times, the first within the first month or so of us being together, but as far as I know he hasn't in the past year or so, so I think I'm hoping he's changed his ways.
The problem is, I feel like he's constantly putting me down. Everytime I try to talk to him he has a go at me for being 'miserable', which usually escalates into an argument.
He has a habit of when we argue, telling me to f-off and leave. I have never done this, and I always always back down during arguments. I feel quite ashamed of this, cos I shouldn't let him walk all over me like this. I feel like I'm constantly putting effort into the relationship and I just don't get anything back. He spends money on me, but when he throws it back in my face I've told him I don't want that, I want time with him, not money.
So recently we had a bad patch, and I decided I'm not taking this anymore. I've done this for four years and I don't know whether I would be stupid to stay and carry on like this, or leave and find someone else. I don't know if I would find someone else.
Making a decision whether to leave was much easier when he wasn't being so nice. But suddenly he's being overly nice, and I don't know whether he's trying to stop me leaving, or actually means it. This whole post seems like a complete random mess, and yeah, I do think I'm trying to talk myself into doing something, but what I'm not quite sure. I love him to bits, but I don't know if that's enough.
Sorry this is so long/rambling.
I've been with and lived with my boyfriend for four years, and during that time the relationship has been very up-and-down.
He has cheated a few times, the first within the first month or so of us being together, but as far as I know he hasn't in the past year or so, so I think I'm hoping he's changed his ways.
The problem is, I feel like he's constantly putting me down. Everytime I try to talk to him he has a go at me for being 'miserable', which usually escalates into an argument.
He has a habit of when we argue, telling me to f-off and leave. I have never done this, and I always always back down during arguments. I feel quite ashamed of this, cos I shouldn't let him walk all over me like this. I feel like I'm constantly putting effort into the relationship and I just don't get anything back. He spends money on me, but when he throws it back in my face I've told him I don't want that, I want time with him, not money.
So recently we had a bad patch, and I decided I'm not taking this anymore. I've done this for four years and I don't know whether I would be stupid to stay and carry on like this, or leave and find someone else. I don't know if I would find someone else.
Making a decision whether to leave was much easier when he wasn't being so nice. But suddenly he's being overly nice, and I don't know whether he's trying to stop me leaving, or actually means it. This whole post seems like a complete random mess, and yeah, I do think I'm trying to talk myself into doing something, but what I'm not quite sure. I love him to bits, but I don't know if that's enough.
Sorry this is so long/rambling.
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Comments
Its a tough decision, and if u think he is just being nice to you because you might leave, that isnt a reason to stay. If he is changing his ways then thats different.
good luck with whatever you decide.
xx
he's cheated on you a few times?
Yeah, and I forgave him after each one. I think at the time I was quite dependant on him, and I didn't know what else I could do. I really regret that now though, and I know if I ever found out he did it again I would be straight out of the door.
He says I should stop dwelling on the past, and he's changed, but it's not really that easy to do. I think always in the back of my mind I'll be wondering if he'll do it again.
To be honest, I think I know I want to leave, but it's scary. And I don't want to hurt him. I've not had to be the 'dumper' before, and it's hard.
You need to decide what you're worth.
Good luck choosing what's right for you.
It's very easy to think 'stuff him, I'll move out' when he's not being so nice. But him being lovely just messes with my mind.
I've asked him if we can talk to try to work some things out, but he won't, as he doesn't have anything he needs to talk about.
I think the mere fact that you posted this shows that it's a big problem for you. There is no way that you deserve to be put down like that and told to f-off and leave.
In terms of finding someone else, well it's very likely that you won't find someone else straight away. But you will definitely find someone else eventually, who treats you a lot better, and who is probably better for you in the long run. You really don't sound happy in this relationship. Also, you have been with him for a long time so have probably got into a routine somewhat of him walking all over you and knowing he can get away with it; and also if he's cheated on you a few times before, he will feel like he can do it again and get away with it- is that really what you want?
I know it's incredibly difficult to be the dumper, and also really scary leaving a relationship you've been in for so long, but if you're not happy, then your relationship won't be happy, and if you do break up with him you'd be doing it for both your sakes.
really hope it works out for you seriouslyunique xxx
I have slowly been moving my stuff into my friend's place. But tonight she's said that I should just bite the bullet, move all my stuff out tonight, break up with him and tell his parents. Speaking to her, she's gonna be really annoyed if I don't, cos I'm just dragging it out and making things worse.
I just don't know if I can do it, it's just too hard.
He won't speak to me, but I guess maybe that makes it easier.
As we live with his parents and (much) younger sibling I feel like I'm breaking up with them too, but hopefully they should respect my decision.
It just all seems so....final.
I'd consider offering realtionship counselling one more time - but if he doesn't think there are issues I'd say its dead.
You're doing the right thing, you need a consistant boyfriend emotionally and he can't give you that.
As for his parents etc, they aren't in the relationship although I know you'll feel close to them but it has to happen.
Individually, everyone always deserves better. This is something you should be thinking in this situation right now as this motto includes you. You deserve much more than what he has to offer. He's not worthy of your affections, nor respects you.
Be strong. x