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Am I making the right decision?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello everyone. Hope this makes sense, sorta thinking out loud a bit!

To cut a long story short, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. During all of this time we have been living with his parents.

The relationship has been extremely up and down, and I've got to the point where I just can't carry on like this anymore. I don't want to end up still being unhappy after another 4 years, so I think/know I have to end things. We're just going round in circles and not getting anywhere. And he won't even talk to me about how I feel, so I don't see how we could work on things.

I've not had to break up with someone before, and he's already told me he doesn't want me to go, but I don't want to stay and then regret it. Similarly, I don't want to regret leaving either. It's tricky!

My other problem, is how do I tell his parents? They've been really good to me over the time I've been here and I would hate to spoil my relationship with them, cos of him. I know they aren't expecting me to leave. Has anyone had to do the 'telling parents' thing?

I think I'm worried about being made into the 'bad guy'. That sounds really silly, but I don't think I've done anything wrong, so I don't want people to resent me for my decision.

Sorry, loooong ramble! Advice/opinions are welcome, although not essential, just needed to get it off my chest.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All I can say it have a chat with him first, tell him you're thinking of leaving and it may force him into talking to you properly. Then take it from there.

    If it comes to you leaving, just have a chat to his parents, like sit them down. And explain its nothing they have done, its just purely because you two have drifted apart etc.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think your priority should be telling your boyfriend, then depending on how things work out then have a converstaion with his parents. I'm sure you'll have a chance to thank them for eveything. If they're that nice to you then they won't want you to be upset and hopefully will understand.

    Take a deep breath and do it, sounds like your gut instinct is leave but are maybe trying to convince yourself to see how things go?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you break up with him, you should move outta his house, in my opinion.

    and if I misunderstood there something..

    Why do you bother so much about his parents? It's not their relationship and you are not doing any personal harm to them by leaving their son. If they are the ultra-protective kind, yea, they will stick to him anyway, but it's not like you are going to meet up with his parents for cinema or picknick lol, so why bother what they think?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've gotta be honest here and say that, if you do break up with him, I think you would need to "break up" with his parents as well and move out of their house.

    Staying in your ex-boyfriend's parents' house would be a bit odd, and wouldn't work.

    Either way though, yeah, you really need to talk to him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Itll be hard on them too if theyve grown to think of you as like a daughter. You might find they try and get you to reconsider so youll need to be strong but also let them know that you appreciate everything theyve done for you, and hope that you can still have some sort of friendship with them maybe if thats what you both want, at least in the short term (to soften the blow)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Absolutely agree with the moving-out part. I have somewhere I can go, it's just making that break.

    In reality I shouldn't bother about his parents, but my family live a looong way away, so they're the ones who've always been there for me. But I guess if they take it all the wrong way, it's their decision, and I still have to do what's right for me.

    I think deep down I know I want to leave, it's just hard. My boyfriend isn't a particularly nice person a lot of the time, and I think I would be deluded if I continued to think he would change. Hopefully he'll agree to talk to me, it's like getting blood out of a stone! I'd prefer to talk it through with him, seems the right thing to do.

    I think I'm a bit scared that I'm making a huge mistake.

    Thankyou people, different opinions are really helpful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talk to them and explain them the situation (without badmouthing your boyfriend), and leave on (at least) semi-good terms. Still break of contact. It would be weird if you are in contact with their parents, but not with him.
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