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Rivalry between friends.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey, short question, after a little introduction.

You are on a big, loud party (like a club) and your friend with whom you are there wants this girl, for a long time already (she is a friend of someone he studies with). You get to know her there and she flirts (a bit) with you and seems to not really step in to your friends courting. It's been ages you've been laid and from what you can gather he's rather sexually active (he's not the 'share every detail of your life'-kind of friend).

Do you act? or step back?

Apart from the fact that I was in lab all day yesterday and couldn't handle my beer anymore and my feet were going terribly tired, I said my goodbyes and prepared for a long way home. I was angry and disappointed at the same time, with me, with that friend, with the situation...

Have I done the wrong thing? Should I have looked out for my interests?

Said friend is a mutual friend of a friend's circle. Even tho I hardly speak to him usually (except when I am in that flat share with my friends where he lives too), never phone him, just occasionally go out, when the other guys from that flat share stay in. I know for a fact however that he takes it very personally if you rival him for a girl.

I have some pro and some contra arguments for both (going for it, or giving W.O.), but I'd like to have more opinions about it.

thanks.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It does depend how good a friend he is, it sounds like he's possibly more of an accquaintance than a friend? Sounds like she was making all the moves aswell, so if he's got the right to be pissed off at anybody (debatable) then it should be her.

    Are you likely to be in the same situation again with her? The worst thing you could have done though would have been to have told you friend that you weren't interested then something happens later on, because it makes you look like you were playing games.

    Personally I wouldn't go there, mainly because I don't like it when it happens to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    More than an acquaintance, but not totally a friend. But a good friend of good friend's of mine...

    "flirt with me" was maybe a bit exaggerated. She just smiled at me and initiated conversation (which is at least a basis to go on from there.) She is from the rural side of lower Austria, so she needed a place to sleep. she did not seem very interested when that friend offered her a place, but I did not bother to tell her "well, when the chips are down, you could always crash at my place." (which at least would give her the chance to agree or ask for later that night if she wanted that to happen). I just felt it would oppose that friend and I did not really wanted that to happen (maybe because I was living off his wallet that evening too), but why? Do I look out too much for that pal? Other friends would most probably step back for me. Is it a deep repressed shit that I feel inferior and therefore retreat?

    Yea, there are actually no rules in war, but still... If f.e. there is some ass making himself broad as the sidewalk, do you just keep walking straight and bump into him, or are you gonna step aside and evade him?

    It's tolerance in my opinion, but it only works on a mutual basis, otherwise one party is going to have a disadvantage.

    I somehow wanted it to happen with that girl, but I think he saw me as someone who would cock-block him. A danger for his intentions.

    Usually I'd always step back for my friends, but I wonder how far this "Bro's over Hoe's"-attitude will bring me, when others look out for their own interest.

    clueless...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    Usually I'd always step back for my friends, but I wonder how far this "Bro's over Hoe's"-attitude will bring me, when others look out for their own interest.

    A lot of people do look after their own interest first and not give a fuck whether their mate likes her or even if they know fine well she's got a boyfriend

    It's like my mate at work, he couldn't give a fuck about my feelings when he's trying it on with the girl I'm into.

    But the "every man for himself" thing really is bullshit, there's still plenty of room for guys who have respect for other people and won't just fuck over their mate to get leg-over. I wouldn't do it to a mate, even to somebody who'd done it to me before.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I know you said he's not exactly a friend, so the following might not apply. But I think it's not worth losing a friend over somebody who probably isn't the love of your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you said he's not exactly a friend, so the following might not apply. But I think it's not worth losing a friend over somebody who probably isn't the love of your life.

    I hear you. And I wouldn't have lost him as a friend anyway, just wanted to avoid him being pissed. ah well..
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