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emotional blackmail
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
To cut a long story short, I want to break up with my boyfriend but he says he will kill himself if I leave him. Now I would take this lightly, if it werent for the fact that before we started going out, he tried to kill himself twice.. with me picking up the pieces. Now, he is convinced that I am his only reason to live and if he doesnt have me he has no reason to live. I have allot of good reasons for wanting to break up this relationship, but he cant accept them, and everytime I try to talk to him it ends like this, with me begging him not to hurt himself, and saying that I wont leave him. I cant keep doing this, but I cant let him hurt himself.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any advice? Im really stuck... Thanks..
Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone have any advice? Im really stuck... Thanks..
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Comments
Sure this affected me, I felt like it was my fault. But I couldn't keep living a lie. I didn't want to be with someone who threatend me, even if it wasn't phsyical harm to myself. He had a whole history on depression and after his attempt, he went on anti-depressants. Maybe it's not such a bad thing.
The point is, if you're unhappy with any aspect of your life, change it. Other wise five years down the line you are going to regret it. It must be really hard for you especially if some part of you still cares for him, but ultimately, he's an adult and is responsible for his own actions. Don't let him make you feel that way, after all you are in control of your own life, or at least should be.
Like TC said, if theres something in your life you dont like, you should change it. Obviously, dont go about it the way i did, I'd advise you do it verry gently, tell him you just dont have the time or will power to give him the commitment he deserves but you are willing to be his mate and while this is said a lot and you are rarely ever friend with your ex's, you should probably actually do it and like go with him to the movies etc, do everything you normally would minus the relationship.
However, that might not be practical for you but it's what i would do.
If you really think he is a serious danger to himself, you could always seek professional medical advice.
Main part: Just make sure you are there for him if you do break it off and if you think you'll ride it out until he's happier, then do that. He might be feeling that if you break it off with him, he'll never hear a peep from you, and that might frighten him.
I feel sorry for all of you, for having been in such a situation, (un)fortunately I don't have any first hand experience with that.
He'd had enough of my clinginess, needy ways, etc and I really don't blame him. I was a nightmare at the time and I'm amazed he stuck around as long as he did (also amazed that he took me back last year, even if he is now nursing a broken heart cos of me). When he finally took the plunge and split up with me he did it without giving me any reasons and so on (looking back I think they're fairly obvious, even though he still to this day won't discuss it), which hurt like hell, but also showed me just how strong I had become and how able to stand on my own two feet I was. Tbh was the best thing he ever could have done for me at the time and since then I've just grown on that and now 3 years on, I am probably the happiest I've been in life since I was about 9.
I'm not trying to say that they're empty threats he's making, or that he'll feel differently like I did when you split up with him. But you've got to realise that any relationship where you're constantly being someones rock isn't healthy for either of you and you really do need to get out and put some distance between you....no keeping in touch or it will just make it harder.
I really agree with the following:
TheSite's article on leaving a controlling partner has first hand tips from a young woman who has been in a similar situation to you - I hope it helps.
Be kind, but be firm. I hope everything goes okay.
Oh, God that just how I was in my old relationship, and I thought I was the only one like that...