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Jealousy is ruining my relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone - i'm new to the site but desperately need some advice! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and lived together for the last year. The thing is I am SO jealous of any female friend that he has and spends time with and am convinced that any friendship will develop into something more. There is one particular girl that he has recently become friends with and they're texting each other the time and I get the feeling that she is interested. He says that i'm being stupid and that is it was a guy there'd be no worries, which i suppose is true. They've met up a couple times just the two of them after work for a drink and I just can't handle it. I've told him that i'm worried but I don't want to tell him NOT to see her. I just wish he wouldn't!!!!
Am I being selfish or is it ok for a girlfriend to be feel a bit awkward with this situation. They're meeting up on friday afternoon for a drink and I'm dreading how its gonna make me feel and I know I'm gonna spend the whole day worrying WHAT IF!! Its doing my head in - i just want to be ok with it but not sure I can be. Any advice would be fantastic, even its just to tell me how stupid i'm being!
Am I being selfish or is it ok for a girlfriend to be feel a bit awkward with this situation. They're meeting up on friday afternoon for a drink and I'm dreading how its gonna make me feel and I know I'm gonna spend the whole day worrying WHAT IF!! Its doing my head in - i just want to be ok with it but not sure I can be. Any advice would be fantastic, even its just to tell me how stupid i'm being!
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I disagree, I was with my ex for 5 years when she decided she liked one of her guy friends more than me and dumped me.
I think it's natural to feel a little jelousy, it's just how you deal with it. The whole "if he was a guy" argument doesn't hold as he's not gay and therefore not likely to run off with another guy, that's why that wouldn't bother you.
I would guess you feel threatend by this other girl, whether it because she's very attractive, or he just pays her a lot of attention or whatever. Although it's no bad thing for him to have girl mates, he still needs to understand that you have feelings too and the fact you feel threatend doesn't make you a monster, as long as you're not stopping him doing anything.
The only advice I can give is maybe try and get to know this girl too, go out in a group with her there (and your boyfriend), chat to her and hopefully you'll see that she's no threat. The more you know her, and understand their relationship the more at ease you will feel and the less it will bother you. Other than that just make sure you don't let your feelings stop him having friends.
I dnt know y this one girl bothers me so much because he has other girl mates who he speaks 2 far more idk maybe its just cus i dnt really know her that well
very long time no see. last time I was on here things were very different. Fortunately I'm still with my beautiful girlfriend and I've made complete amends for everything I did wrong; precisely the topic of this thread. I became a complete control freak but fortunately i've turned my life around and we've worked through it. Things are back to how they used to be.
My advice, DON'T go down the jealousy route. it's not worth it. many on here would belittle me for what i did and claim i shouldn't have had a second chance. i got one and (it took a very long time to chase the demons away) but i've turned my back on that me forever.
I never stopped loving my gf and thank god she knew it. don't be jealous because your partner is with you for a reason. being jealous can push them away. trust your heart and trust their's too
peace and love x
well, if she's an ass, she's an ass. You think you could have prevent that by forbidding her the acquaintance with other boys? If she's not happy with you anymore then she is even if you prevented her to meet up with him.
Yeah, I think you are a bit irrational OP. If you restrict him in his freedom there is more likely shit to go down.
If he's a cunt and going to cheat on you, he's going to make that either way. But jealous ridden relationships with trying to forbid your partner something are rarely going to last forever.
It's how you act on that jealousy though that matters. Banning him from seeing this woman or any other will just make things worse...we live in a free country and you can't take that freedom away. As has been said, try and tag along sometime, get to know her and see how they act together. Talk to him about his drinks with her and show an interest (not overly though or he'll get suspicious) but just in a casual did you have a good chat/nice time sort of way. The more you find out the more you should be put at ease about the situation.
Your main issue is trust though...if you can't trust him to be around other women and nothing happen then is that really a basis for a relationship?
Really great that you're asking for advice on this issue. It's one of the most draining things to crop up in a relationship and you must be feeling pretty rubbish about it right now. The good thing is you clearly want to change the situation.
Kazbo and others have raised some good points and TheSite's article on jealousy has some useful info on the subject.
Let us know if you need any further support
Exactly, I was totally cool with her seeing him and she betrayed my trust, but if i'd told her not to have contact with him she would only have done it behind my back and the result would have been the same.
I do remember her saying in her "i've been seeing someone else" speech that she said "who the hell let's their girlfriend go out with another guy"... hmmm someone who's not a controlling, untrusting nut bag maybe?!... bitch! :rolleyes:
Wouldn't bother me.
People have friends of the opposite sex, and when it comes down to it, if something is going to happen, it will. There's nothing you can do about it if it does, but you just have to trust your other half.