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fed up of being single
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i've been single now for the best part of a year now and i'm sick to the back teeth of it. I've had a couple of flings, and i've had few guys really mess me around and i just want someone to have fun with, to cuddle up with, to go out with....i'm not sure i'm even wanting love, just a like would do and it seems like finding someone (or even the possibility of there being someone) that likes me and isn't mad, or wants to keep me hanging on a string forever...
it does feel like i'm going to forever be single. what makes it a little worse is the fact that my ex has a lovely girlfriend, and it seems like it's going well for them...
i've started doing really silly things like i obbsesively look in the london paper has it's love struck collumn, which people txt into about people they have seen in london that they like the look of. i never find one that even remotly matches my description, and sometimes i really wish someone would see me for who i am and want to be with me because of that.
i've been messed around in the past and i feel the whole dating game like risk. i always think that i'm becoming stalkerish because thats what someone accused me of in the past. but i never know how to get it right...
help?
it does feel like i'm going to forever be single. what makes it a little worse is the fact that my ex has a lovely girlfriend, and it seems like it's going well for them...
i've started doing really silly things like i obbsesively look in the london paper has it's love struck collumn, which people txt into about people they have seen in london that they like the look of. i never find one that even remotly matches my description, and sometimes i really wish someone would see me for who i am and want to be with me because of that.
i've been messed around in the past and i feel the whole dating game like risk. i always think that i'm becoming stalkerish because thats what someone accused me of in the past. but i never know how to get it right...
help?
0
Comments
Just go out and enjoy being single and you never know who you will bump into.
There is nothing anyone can do but you.
You can always take out a personal ad, but you aint been single all that long.
not much help really, the only not even useful but consoling advice i can offer is to concentrate on what you can control - your happiness. finding contentment in life may well be followed by opportunities for romance and they you win both ways.
I guess that what happens when I attended university with 6:1 male ratio then went to work in a factory 8:1 male for the last 5 years. Doh!
some people are single for much longer and don't cry... It doesn't help anyway, just be patient.
i think that's quite hard when someones just come for some advice / consolation cos they're feeling a bit shitty.
*drives over your leg with my mums car*
..you cry in pain..
shut up, some people have it much worse
:razz:
My only bit of advice is to go out and be as sociable as possible, I look at as a way to meet now people or friends, not a relationship particularly. I'd be happy meeting guys and becoming friends with them. The more people you know and socialise with the more likely you are to catch someones attention with whom you have a common... that being the person you know. Try new things (classes, gym, groups etc) and just get out of the house.
Other than that, all I can say is there are loads of people in the same boat. I hate being single too, but hey I can't force a relationship out of nothing, so I just have to live my life and get on with things. It'll happen eventually.
You're such a fucking cock - if she wants to whinge let her whinge. I feel like her quite a lot as of late and I think that's comepletely uncalled for. Me calling you a cock is somewhat uncalled for but it's a retaliation of your redundant comment for someone feeling low. Have a fucking heart.
Anyways. I feel your pain, but I believe in the age old saying - 'If you can't be happy with yourself then you won't be happy with anyone else.' If you're looking for just being with someone to sort yourself out, then being with someone ideally isn't for you. I am a firm believer everything(ish) should be all smooth in your life (sort of) before you let yourself get intimate with someone, because it's an added bonus and you will both really blossom.
Regardless of insults, what concerns me is that after all this time, I'm still not convinced you get what this website's for.
TT - I think this is possibly one of the biggest issues:
When we believe someone else who we've been close to has cracked it, we can have a tendency to feel no end of inadequacy
I haven't got much useful to say, but when I split up with my most signifigant ex, I was the ONLY single one out of every group of friends I had, it was really hard and I felt like you do. Probably. Now 2/3 years later they're all single (and variably loving/loathing it, I must add) and I'm not. You never know whats around the corner. Not that I'm saying I hope all of your friends and accquaintances break up with their partners! But you never know how the chips will fall in the longer term.
I know it seems like everything is easier for everyone else, but its not really. When I was with my ex everyone told me how lucky I was and how easy it always seemed for me, what they didn't know was how unhappy I was underneath. Not really sure what I'm trying to say with this, other than try not to envy other people, they probably envy you and you never really know what is going on underneath the surface.
As for the types of blokes you're meeting, well I have dated a long string of arseholes in the past, and in turn have been an arsehole to a lot of blokes myself. Trying to analyse why past relationships and interested parties went sour or how a bloke can just leave you like a mismatched sock in the washing machine is a recipe for driving yerself nuts. Trust me. But I second 1983's emotion, if you don't adore yourself then it's very hard for anybody else to adore you. If you're not there yet then that's probably the most important thing to deal with. A relationship alone doesn't hold the key to happiness, and a relationship entered when you're melancholy and vulnerable is more than likely the key to unhappiness.
If you can't be where you want to be, learn to be happy where you are.
It's actually the pretty same situation for me (although 6 and a half years now) and I can't stand those sobbing people who complain of not feeling any love two weeks after their last sexy time (partially that's not even exaggerated).
rank analogy, but it feels like some fat tourist cruising through an Ethiopian village is complaining about hunger.
so, whatever..
'All that glistens is not gold'.
Just because it seems like you think that they are doing really well that may not be the case. For all you know, they may have ear-splitting rows when they are at home together.
Sorry you feel bad about this TT. I know its no fun being single but I've read a few of your posts and at times you seem to be under stress alot. Im not sure if having a parter would make it all go away but it may not be as good as you think as relationships can get stressful at times.
I agree with Briggi, work on building yourself up first, sort everything out and see what happens.
Feel better.
i have decided to stop going to this pub more than once a month, so i'm going out to do other things, but i'm not sure what, considering i have very little money and london seems like the hardest place to meet people...
It does kind of suck.
I've been single now for 6 years and she makes me so angry, sometimes I feel like reminding her how lucky she is to have someone who loves her so damn much.
But if the roles were reversed you might be annoyed at yourself for presuming being in a relationship makes you automatically happy...?
What frustrates me most is the fact that when I asked her why is she with him one of the first reasons she came up with was 'because my parents like him'.
I can stand the bit of complaint my male friends give me. Most of the time I sincerely understand their distress.
absolute worst are the female friends who complain to you about being single for sooo (:rolleyes: ) long, when they actually rejected you in the past for being everything they look for in a man, except, hm I dunno... "The Mysterious Something"...
but I don't have such friends, well, not anymore.
that's a serious pet peeve I have.
I can see how that makes sense, but it's fundamental instinct that humans co-exist for companionship. Beyond that, when you dive into emotions like "happiness", well, that's in between those two people.
I've pretty much gotten to the point where I'm close to socking even my close mates (usually because some form of alcohol is involved) if they so much as get a hug from a mutual female friend, especially one that I'm interested in, and I'm ignored. I can understand why I'm ignored: I'm not of classical Argonaut ilk or structure.
That's what bothers me. Inherently we have "feeling" and emotional attachment to everyday things, but especially people, and I haven't found a way to devoid myself of that emotion and become indifferent to things I would otherwise find offensive or unbalanced. So I can't rid myself of that feeling of "Hey that person is really interesting, I'd like to get to know them" because that person is interesting. Perhaps they're studying something complicated and intriguing, or perhaps they're passionate and attached to something that I am also passionate about; whatever the case may be. But, alas, knowing full well that I do not measure up to par physically to be of any sort of interest, the situation is pretty much fucked. So in essence: wanting something but not having the means to achieve or get it. Although with people it's considerably more complicated, but that's a basic way of putting it. It seems to fall against instinct.
But, eh, I suppose that's just the way things are.
I think in some cases it's about being pro-active. I mean, I'm awful for it - I tend to find trustworthyness really 'interesting' as you would put it, and get good chemistry with people who seem genuine. But because I need that trust, I often struggle to make friendships with people. In social situations, I don't go all out talking to everyone because I get shy.
Ilora: yea sorry I don't think what I mean always comes across concisely. I was thinking along these lines: you're in a relationship, but little things come up just like if you weren't in a relationship that you wanna get off your chest and have a whinge about. I didn't think this was much different to someone who was single and felt bad about not being in a relationship. But I can see how whinging to someone who is single about your relationship whilst they're not 100% happy being single, would make them feel worse.
It sucks, but I haven't seen evidence to convince me otherwise.
That's like saying "if you don't try, success will come to you." True for some lucky bastards, but to me that's nonsense. If you want to eat you have to hunt.
The whole "the best way to find something is to stop looking" thing is much easier said than done when finding someone is on your mind constantly and you kind of do it subconsciously regardless.
That said, it is true that you never know whats round the corner and you really must try your damndest not to give up hope.