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Overflowing
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
It might seem like a strange title for a thread here, but that's how I can best describe it... Sometimes, most likely after spending a lot of time thinking about some things, I feel like something gathers up inside me and is in danger of spilling out. That something seems to be a mix of thoughts, feelings and perhaps something else I can't put a name to.
More than any other time, when that happens I really wish I had someone to share that overflowing thing with. Someone who'd just happen to be there when it happens, and who'd listen, understand and respond. This someone wouldn't have to be a "lover", I think a friend would fit the position, or anyone else who could do these things: Listen, understand, and respond.
However no such person exists, and all I can do is put a lid on it so to speak; try my best to keep it in, whatever it is, press it down into a space that's too small for it. Like when you've put too many things in a suitcase that you can't close it, and you press on it with all your might to compress them and get the suitcase to close. That's what it feels like.
These times come to me more and more often as years pass, and I don't know how much longer I can keep compressing things without the suitcase (which I guess symbolises myself) breaking. I try things, I try posting on here (although I rarely find the words and end up not doing it), I try going out in the balcony to stare at the night (which used to work, but doesn't so well any more) and other stuff... But it's getting more and more difficult and I don't know what to do about it.
If you've read this far, thanks. I know the above must have been confusing, but describing it in metaphors like this is the only way I can ever describe it. If I try to make it into something literal the words keep slipping away and I can't find them.
In any case, I'm not sure what I'm asking... I guess it must be how such a person could be found, and what if I'm wrong and their presence wouldn't help either? What am I supposed to do?
More than any other time, when that happens I really wish I had someone to share that overflowing thing with. Someone who'd just happen to be there when it happens, and who'd listen, understand and respond. This someone wouldn't have to be a "lover", I think a friend would fit the position, or anyone else who could do these things: Listen, understand, and respond.
However no such person exists, and all I can do is put a lid on it so to speak; try my best to keep it in, whatever it is, press it down into a space that's too small for it. Like when you've put too many things in a suitcase that you can't close it, and you press on it with all your might to compress them and get the suitcase to close. That's what it feels like.
These times come to me more and more often as years pass, and I don't know how much longer I can keep compressing things without the suitcase (which I guess symbolises myself) breaking. I try things, I try posting on here (although I rarely find the words and end up not doing it), I try going out in the balcony to stare at the night (which used to work, but doesn't so well any more) and other stuff... But it's getting more and more difficult and I don't know what to do about it.
If you've read this far, thanks. I know the above must have been confusing, but describing it in metaphors like this is the only way I can ever describe it. If I try to make it into something literal the words keep slipping away and I can't find them.
In any case, I'm not sure what I'm asking... I guess it must be how such a person could be found, and what if I'm wrong and their presence wouldn't help either? What am I supposed to do?
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Comments
Could it be a feeling of loneliness?
Maybe try and visualize what it is you'd be doing or saying with this other person you'd like to share these feelings with... would their presence be enough, or would you actually be telling them about something?
I've learnt from my own experience that bottling feelings up never works. You need to try and let them out somehow.
Maybe next time it happens, get a paper and pen and write down all the thoughts coming and going in your head while you're experiencing the feeling.
Another thing I've learnt is that until you start believing positive things about yourself it's really difficult to move on and start sorting yourself out... Maybe you should begin by surrounding yourself with positive messages, even if you don't believe them at first, and ditch the 'emtional mess' image.
I'm not being harsh... It's just I think I was once in a similar place to where you sound now, and I've got out of it so I know that you can sort yourself out too.
By the way, the "thing" that gets close to overflowing isn't simply a feeling, it's feelings and thoughts and maybe something else, like I said, so it's not so simple to identify, but I think I do identify most of them when that happens.
And it's not always out of nowhere, for example last night it was because I had just finished reading a book and some things at the end overwhelmed me.
As for the "emotional mess" thing, I don't really feel like that any more, haven't felt like it for long now. But I've not thought of something as defining as that used to be to replace it with.
I am - as it seems like you - a hopeless overthinker and analyzer. Usually about girls. I stopped caring a while ago, and I wonder if that's a good thing or not...
not much I can help you however, as I somehow am not too dissimilar about that.
ah, nevermind then^^ it's an anime with just 6 episodes (a terrific good one, i hafta add). flcl.
It just seemed like out episode 2 or something, where one of those people complained of "overflowing" too (something emotional, but you can't be sure, because this anime is full of metaphors etc.) and therefore needed to cuddle up with another person she does not even love, or like THAT much.
Good to know.