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How To Stop Being So Clingy?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
About 13 months ago, a friend of mine found out that I was self harming and a few days later, I explained some stuff to him mainly because he thought (for some odd reason) that it was all his fault.

Anyway, he explained some things to me and one of the things he said was that if I struggling, he'd try to talk to me. However, at the same time, I had to understand that this wasn't always possible.

After about a month of that, I became very clingy and he told me that he felt as though he couldn' deal with me acting this way and for that reason, he doesn't think he can talk to me.

After a month or so, we were alright again and after a few weeks, it started again. He told me that if I'm clingy, then the less likely he is to want to talk to me. I told him that I didn't mean to act the way I do around him and that I was sorry.

The problem is, I've started to become like this again.

Is there anything can do so that I stop acting this and hopefully not lose him as a friend?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Self-harming is a manifestation of underlying unhappiness. You need to deal with what that might be before you can work on changing your actions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how exactly are you acting clingy around him? you must realise what you're doing? are you texting/emailing/ringing him a lot etc?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    maybe he has issues of his own too, and sometimes cannot cope with the intensity of yours on the top?
    are you getting any other support for your self injuring?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    spend time apart - thats how you'd stop being clingy. makes sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how exactly are you acting clingy around him? you must realise what you're doing? are you texting/emailing/ringing him a lot etc?

    Pretty much, yes - which is why he tells me he can't talk to me.
    spend time apart - thats how you'd stop being clingy. makes sense.

    We did this for about 6 weeks at the end of February, but it never changed anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    We did this for about 6 weeks at the end of February, but it never changed anything.

    well... if you can happily spend 6wks apart then i don't see how you'd be being too clingy...?
    you'd be being clingy if you were monopolizing someones time all the time etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even though we weren't talking, I would email him alot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Even though we weren't talking, I would email him alot.

    that probably explains it then.
    time apart = time apart. - can you cope with that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes I can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well. try it.
    try for half a day t have no contact. then 1 day. and build it up like that.
    or spend your time with different friends, rather than just the one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We do spend alot of time apart. Normally, we may only talk once or twice a week.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    We do spend alot of time apart. Normally, we may only talk once or twice a week.

    yeah but if your emailing, chatting on messenger or whatever, it doesn't count as time apart, and thats probably the angle he was coming from when he said it to you?! either way, he's made the comment so best bet is just to watch your step.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surely the advice on how to stop being so clingy is to actually *stop* being so clingy? You are aware of how you are being clingy so stop doing those things! Block and delete from MSN, remove his phone number etc. It could be your New Year's resolution ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surely the advice on how to stop being so clingy is to actually *stop* being so clingy? You are aware of how you are being clingy so stop doing those things! Block and delete from MSN, remove his phone number etc. It could be your New Year's resolution ;)

    yeah, thats sort of what i was trying to get across! if someone said i was being too clingy and i knew it was because id been texting and phoning them a lot i'd errr, stop texting them? it sounds like you're relying on them a bit too much though really, is it just an internet friendship? maybe try spending time with some of your other friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try talking to someone else about your problems. I don't really talk to my friends about my depression but I have a counsellor to talk to. Maybe you could speak to a professional ? Or people on here..?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surely the advice on how to stop being so clingy is to actually *stop* being so clingy? You are aware of how you are being clingy so stop doing those things! Block and delete from MSN, remove his phone number etc. It could be your New Year's resolution ;)

    Like I said in my first post, that's something I'd rather not do. Apart from me being clingy, we're fine.
    Maybe you could speak to a professional ?

    I did try to get help in August. However, it took alot of chasing up to do. I finally saw the CPN in November, but that was a waste of time as she was more interested in what I was going to do next year instead of actually helping me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes but by being clingy he doesn't want anything to do with you so obviously it is causing a problem!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    that's something I'd rather not do.
    so whats the point in asking how to stop then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes but by being clingy he doesn't want anything to do with you so obviously it is causing a problem!

    :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    :confused:

    yeah. i wouldn't understand either how it couldn't cause a relationship problem tbh.
    but then... its your relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After about a month of that, I became very clingy and he told me that he felt as though he couldn' deal with me acting this way and for that reason, he doesn't think he can talk to me.

    This is what you said in the first post.

    You are being clingy, and therefore he doesn't want to talk to you.

    So. You need to stop being clingy.

    You KNOW what you are doing that is making you clingy, and so you need to STOP DOING THOSE THINGS.

    You think that apart from you being clingy you are fine, yet the being clingy is causing him to not want to talk to you or have anything to do with you!

    But yeah you are fine and listening to everyone's replies so that's all cool :thumb:
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