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Dredging up old feelings (negative)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, atm I feel quite pissed off, because I found a CD labelled 'backu 1' and thought I'd have a look at the contents. Most pictures from like 4 years ago, quite cute. One ominously named text file 'Pete' - a name I dread - and I couldn't help my curiosity. And it all came back, the paranoia that had driven me to the lengths to virtually spy and gather evidence against my own girlfriend, which looking back now I had her caught so red handed and yet still trusted her.

It's really making me feel angry - but at myself rather than anyone else. Because I let myself get hurt and was so gullible. And even now I don't just hit the delete button, I'm still reading and getting angrier.

In a way it was nice though (the CD) because it had lots of pictures from friends from the internet who I've not spoken to in a while. Still, why when you know that something isn't going to be nice is it stupid human mentality to go poring over it? :mad:

It's also annoying me how most of it is my ex then re-girlfriend fishing for sympathy saying how guilty she feels. where's a big wet salmon when you need it!

How do you guys cope with negative feelings that get dredged up from a long time ago, whether it's memories or things like that.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    By avoiding the memories in the first place. Or, if that's not possible, by distracting my attention from it as soon as possible. Dwelling on negative feelings never does anyone any good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The problem is, it's doesn't feel like a 'sad' memory, because I can cope with them ok. What it does it makes me feel unsettled, angry. Like the story is only half finished, like it's reminding me of something I need to do. But I've missed the moment obviously by 18 months to get some physical therapy lol, but got no closure. Except not thinking about it, that is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, I hope this doesn't come across as harsh or anything but...

    The past is the past. It has happened and whilst it has shaped the future it no longer exists, apart from a few photographs, memories and old letters.

    Throughout our lives we experience periods of darkness which (in my view), are our greatest opportunities to learn something. They also bring us suffering and sometimes it's hard to let go of that... but at the end of the day, the sadness has no function but to divert us from the beautiful things in life and to be wasted energy eating away at us making us bitter.

    Of course, I'm as much of a hypocrite as anybody... We all have pain, if we didn't then we wouldn't know empathy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Save any pictures of mates etc you want to keep. But get rid of anything which bring backs bad feelings. By deleting certain pics or documents you saying you ready to move on and you can finally give yourself a break over this self destruction.

    The past is the past. Bury these feelings along with the pictures and documents and leave them behind. Think about the future and stop dredging over the past.

    Remember you cant change the past. So put your efforts into something you can change i.e. the future.

    No regrets

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    How do you guys cope with negative feelings that get dredged up from a long time ago, whether it's memories or things like that.
    usually not very well...
    thing is its happened once and it will happen again and again - each time you'll get better at dealing with it. the best way is to put it in context as has already been said and think of it as past.over.done with.
    it cannot hurt you anymore... unless you let it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin wrote: »
    Save any pictures of mates etc you want to keep. But get rid of anything which bring backs bad feelings. By deleting certain pics or documents you saying you ready to move on and you can finally give yourself a break over this self destruction.

    The past is the past. Bury these feelings along with the pictures and documents and leave them behind. Think about the future and stop dredging over the past.

    Remember you cant change the past. So put your efforts into something you can change i.e. the future.

    No regrets

    :thumb:

    Yea I agree this is what I nromally do. I had just come back from uni and I found this blank CD on my shelf when clearing up, so I put it in and it came up as 'backup cd 1' with loads of pics frmo AGES ago lol. And then this one single document. I wonder if people ever get to a point they could stare something like that in the face and have it not bother them anymore. That would be ace, I'd feel like I was finally over it. Even though day-to-day week-to-week it doesn't bother me, I know if I saw the guy it would still probably make me angry, and I just want to be over it, so to speak.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    I wonder if people ever get to a point they could stare something like that in the face and have it not bother them anymore.

    Yeah but it can take a while. How quickly depends on you.

    Start doing things which help you life move on. Start a relationship with someone else, move away or make a new group of friends. Keep yourself so busy so you haven't got time to dwell on the past.

    It strange though, even though we know something will upset us- we still do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin wrote: »
    It strange though, even though we know something will upset us- we still do it.
    ... and we do it because doing it is part of the process of getting over it. it desensitizes.
    you'll be over it with time
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Ok, I hope this doesn't come across as harsh or anything but...

    The past is the past. It has happened and whilst it has shaped the future it no longer exists, apart from a few photographs, memories and old letters.

    Throughout our lives we experience periods of darkness which (in my view), are our greatest opportunities to learn something. They also bring us suffering and sometimes it's hard to let go of that... but at the end of the day, the sadness has no function but to divert us from the beautiful things in life and to be wasted energy eating away at us making us bitter.

    Of course, I'm as much of a hypocrite as anybody... We all have pain, if we didn't then we wouldn't know empathy.

    Very well said. Every day one or two ex's pop into my head, one recent one in particular at the moment where things are still a bit raw. Now and again I'll dwell on all that went wrong and what I might have done differently, but thankfully, most of the time I'm able to just let it go after a couple of minutes. It's perfectly natural to remember the people who we were closest to and which hurt us most, but how you deal with it is very important. Do you want to be forever stuck in the past and let it drag you down? Or would you rather take the lessons from something, along with the positives (which are always there if you look hard enough) and use them to make a better future and maybe be more successful at something next time? At the end of the day, I know it's very difficult, but it is a choice you have. Nobody makes you dwell on the past or dig out old photos and stuff. You just need to have a bit of willpower to make the choice to look toward the future and believe in your tomorrows...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Destroy then mate, only keep stuff that envokes good memories, not bad. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I know the feeling when looking at pictures/content from the past, and while totally getting rid of it could be a good measure at the moment, you migth regret when you're totally over what happened. Why not give the cd to someone you trust and make that person promise that he/she won't give it back for the next 5 years?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lol it's not that big a deal, I just make random backups of old stuff and found it quite by surprise. The CD was scratched up, wasn't even sure it would play.

    I think on balance the good of finding old pics outweighs the bad of being reminded about that little shit :)
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