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cheating and being used

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi im nic thanks for taking your time to read my post.

Been married for 5 years now got married when i was only 20 and i have 2 kids. hubbys 11 yrs older
stuck in a really unhappy relationship constant argueing previous dv & no sex.

I have tryed to save it bought the sexy undies and tryed to talk about it but im invisable. i dont see how a man can just ignore his wife trying to look nice 4 him.

well i went out 1 night met a bloke who was really charming and told me everything i wanted to hear, so i went back to his room and we had the greatest sex i have ever had and it made me feel womanly and attractive which i havent felt in years. i really did smile like i havent in ages .
he even wanted to please me sexually .


Thing is the bloke did seem really interested as he was saying things like he hoped i wasnt using him and that he wanted to see me in the morning and how much he liked me.

thing is that i did give him my number but he has never phoned and i am gutted. i dont stop crying and i feel like a silly little girl feeling this way and i dont know if im crying cause of the guilt or the bloke.

after all this i dont feel like i love my husband anymore but i have not the courage to leave.

I really am not the cheating type at all i am the sort of person that is really against it.

any advice will be great xxx nicky

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi nic,

    I think it's important for you to separate the feelings of being down following this guy from not contacting you, and how you feel about your husband. Before you slept with this man, did you feel out of love with your husband, or was it reactionary to someone having paid some attention and affection to you?

    If you feel that despite this, and there is absolutely no hope with your husband, you either have to bite the bullet and talk to him about separating, or stay and continue feeling the way you are.

    I know a couple of people in marriages who have relationships outside, and while it has addressed some issues that they felt were lacking or unsolvable in their marriage, it bought about a new set of obstacles which they hadn't considered.

    I think it's also important to think of your children - they can often pick up on things, and I'm a great believer in children having happy parents, whether they're together or apart.

    Hope this helps :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it was never great before but i did love him . its killed something i dont know y.
    and i see so much fault in him now more than b4. i dont make me laugh or want to spend time with me i just end up on a sat night on my own getting pissed by myself while hes doing his own thing.
    we have nothing in common at all. hes too lazy to spend time with his kids he has never even read a bedtime story to our son whos 4.
    he does go to work tho and gives us stability leaves me in bed sometimes when im tired and tidys up for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey

    How bad are the problems between you and your husband? Because if you don't think councelling or a holiday would solve things maybe you should leave.

    It must be hard being stuck with someone that makes you feel low. That man unfortunately probably was just after a shag so next time you meet someone that you like, unless you just want casual sex maybe you should exchange numbers then meet a few times before anything happens to see if anything will come of it.

    Life's too short to stay with someone you have nothing in common with and don't even love. And saying you'll stay with him for the kids is a bad excuse because they would probably suffer less if you were seperated and both happy.

    Have you spoke to your husband about how you are feeling?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi
    Have you spoken about your feelings with your husband? They say communication is the key to a successful relationship so maybe he doesn't know how you feel?

    I think councelling would be a great idea. Relate (www.relate.org.uk) have a lot of advice on councellors near you.

    Try not to feel too guilty about cheating with the guy, it would not have happened if you had been happy. As for him not calling, maybe he is a jerk or it could be that he thinks your life is complicated already so wants to keep out of it. Don't let him put you off dating in the future should you decide to end things with your hubbie.

    Good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    done the relate already and talked to him about my probs done this for years , i have fought for this relationship.
    thanks for your advice it has really helped xx its nice to hear an outsiders point of view
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