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Self-Acceptance
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been looking into ways to work on things like your self-esteem and self-confidence lately, and with quite a bit of research on the internet, it's become fairly clear to me that the best way to achieve these things and obtain steady mental health is self-acceptance and then the rest follows naturally. I take self-acceptance as meaning loving yourself for all your good points and realising that you can't be perfect and so accepting what you perceive as your flaws aswell and so eventually silencing that constant critical voice in your head. Trouble is, it doesn't seem to me that this state of mind is easy to obtain. Obviously for people that are already in this place, it comes naturally to them, but for others like myself, who have struggled with this, it seems like trying to find the holy grail. I've read various internet sites with recommendations about listing all your good points, talents etc and focusing solely on these, but at the end of the day, that is easier said than done and surely years of ingrained habits don't change that easily.
Has anybody ever been in the place I'm in right now and managed to turn their life around and find some contentment? If so, how? Any advice anyone?
Has anybody ever been in the place I'm in right now and managed to turn their life around and find some contentment? If so, how? Any advice anyone?
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It took a long journey of therapy, thinking positively, exercise and just generally assessing my initial thoughts to see if I was slipping back. Initially it was exhausting, but as the weeks went on, it became easier to stay in a better mindset, and when I accepted that I didn't have to be perfect, and I let go of all the crap, a lot of the anxiety lifted itself from my shoulders.
Hasn't been all plain sailing. I cut quite a few negative people from my life as they were not helping. Negative people need negativity, and when they can't find it, they create it. Meeting my boyfriend helped as he is a very positive, laid back person, and so are his friends.
Exercise also did wonders for me. The discipline and knowing that by pushing for that final lift, or running for an extra 30 seconds gave me the drive and confidence to know that I can push through my limits, and rise up and beyond people who tried to hold me down - as they would give up just after 1 session.
Hope that helps
I've read alot about CBT so yeah I kinda know how it works. Did you get it on the NHS?
I know. There's no way I could afford private...
Yes, but fuck knows how I did it.
I just hit rock bottom one day, its taken a while but I'm now finally after about 7 years quite content with my life.
Im not expert but by the tone of your post in realtionships the other day, I would say your on the way.
Yeah, I was really lucky and saw the in-house therapist at my GP within a couple of weeks of seeing him. Have you seen the MoodGym programme?
Sorry to hear your feeling this way.
Low self-esteem affects a lot of people and is often traced back to early childhood experiences. Many people do overcome their low self-esteem issues and go on to become extremely confident individuals.
When you're feeling very low and unconfident it can be really hard to see things in life as anything but negative, but it sounds like you are going about things the right way by finding ways to accept and love yourself as you are.
Counselling and short-term cognitive therapy are two very effective methods of raising your self-esteem. Raising self-esteem allows people to feel better about themselves and recognise their good qualities. Their relationships improve, and they get positive feedback.
TheSite.org has some really good fact sheets on low self-esteem and Cognitive behaviour therapy that you might want to take a look at. Go to the British association for counselling and psychotherapy website for more details about different kinds of therapy and where you can get it from
Hope this helps :thumb:
Do you really think self-help versions can help? I actually think what I have is not nearly as deeply ingrained as alot of people have it, but I want to spend the time doing something that can really help me.
Thanks for your advice anyway everybody. I'm looking into things...
True enough I guess...!
self-esteem and confidence and all issues relating to it are my biggest problem. I completely agree that if you have a secure sense of self then everything else falls into place.
CBT works wonders but it's very hard to get on the NHS. There's a book called 'Mind over Mood' which is a self-help book of CBT, which guides you through working with the techniques. It's very well written and can be extremely helpful. but you have to do it properly and give yourself time to really take it seriously.
Basically it works by looking at the way that you think and all your patterns that might lead you to feel a certain way or change your behaviour (ie not going out if you don't feel confident). It teaches you to recognise all those thoughts and rationalise them, therefore changing how you reaction to things and therfore how you feel. It's difficult but very helpful.
I try and work on my stuff by looking at what goings wrong an then changing it. Kindof a 'face your fears' sort of thing. I don't think that there is such a thing as being perfectly happy or anything but if you get rid of the bad stuff then things get better
I'd love to know how to do something about my general dislike of my appearance! In my head I am fine, I like myself, but I really dislike the way I look and I imagine other people are looking at me and thinking I am a right minger
Anyway - I suggest counselling, do you work? Some employers have a scheme where you can get 5 free sessions. Also - excercise helps with general positive feeling good about yourself feelings