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what the hell is wrong with me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i must have a huge sign over my head saying "USE ME" in fucking neon lights.

ever since breaking up with my ex, back in april, i have just been completly used by everyone that i've had any "encounters" with. I haven't had sex with very many of them, infact just the 2 (one of which i'm not talking about here because thats another story)...

the last 3 people i seen have all used me to see whether they are actually over their previous partner...then tell me this once they have spent time with me. One of these people, who has now become a good friend, thankfully told me before we shared more than a hug, but 2 other people told me that they were over their ex's (or didn't even talk about them) and wanted to start something else.

This one girl, who was actually a good friend, decided that she was going to seduce me at all costs, take me home and have her way with me, which she did, and then in the morning cried and said that this had made her even with her boyfriend (she hadn't even split up with him, and as far as i'm aware, still hasn't- he was having an affair with someone thiner and younger). she actually said more about her intentions to my mates than she did to me, and thus made me feel like utter shit.

the last guy was really sweet, and i've been speaking to him for a couple of weeks. he tried to pull me last night, but i pushed him away as he was really drunk and i didn't want to snog someone that smelt like jagermeister. We swopped numbers and arranged to meet up today. It went really well, and we had a great time until he needed to leave, and he suddenly turned cold on me and didn't want me near him. He later texted me to tell me that he had just split with someone and to quote: "i thought i was alright but i'm not"...too fucking right!

why the fuck have i become everyones relationship litmus paper...i feel so angry and i can't work out what it is about me that making this happen time and time again....

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's really awful, im sorry people keep treating you like that! The fact that they are telling you is mean aswell, i know its bad to not tell the truth, but this truth just seems to be hurting you more.

    Unless you decide that you're going to only be a relationship only kinda person i don't know what you can do... plus thats not always as fun ;)
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi tt,
    It sounds like you've experienced some tough situations recently, which is leading you to doubt yourself. I'm really sorry to read how you're feeling right now and I hope the anger starts to subside and you can see that actually, there's nothing wrong with you. :)

    You say that these people are 'USING' you, but reading about the situations you describe, with exception to the first girl, I'm not sure it's as simple as them just using you as I'm sure you're well aware, people are often more complex than that. However, you have been really hurt and this may be a good time to take a step back from looking for a relationship for a while.

    In the instance of the first girl, you don't give much detail about how it happened - but was there alcohol/drugs involved? If yes, then it's worth remembering that alcohol can really make us vulnerable to misreading situations, becoming intimately involved with people we would usually be more wary of and just generally jumping into things. You say that she 'seduced you' which sounds like she had the 'upper hand' in the situation, but try and remember that you do have the ability to make choices and if you're engaging in sexual activity with someone you don't know very well then there will often be risks involved. Again, it sucks to be at the brunt of this kind of thing, but try and see it as a learning curve.

    With the second guy, you say yourself that you're now friends, so that sounds like a good experience overall :)

    With the third guy - once again this is an example of when alcohol can lead people to act against their better judgement as you mention her tried to kiss you when drunk. It sounds like he was looking for some good company and I'm sure he genuinely did really, really like you. The problem is that when people finish a relationship they often just don't know how they will be, or feel with another person - which you may or may not experienced yourself. It's a massive shame that he gave you the chance to have expectations, but it really can happen to absolutely anyone. Again, maybe there's a chance you can be friends with this guy and he might even be able to explain his feelings to you a bit more. You may get some insight from this article on rebounds.

    I hope this helps a little.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks...i kinda wish someone could wave a wand and fix things...

    thing is that it doesn't matter if i am sober or have had a drink, i keep on getting this happening and it's soul destroying....

    even when i'm not looking it finds me...and i don't know what the hell i can do to make something work...
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