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My stepfather has been having an affair

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I found this out last night. My younger brother told me. He was with my mum when she found out, which was yesterday. He then had to tell me and our other younger brother who is away at uni, he also had to go and find my stepfather and tell him that Mum knew and not to come back to the house. I don't know how long it's been going on or how my mother found out. My mum has gone to stay with a friend who lives quite far away but I'm going to be speaking to her on the phone later. I don't know how long she'll be gone for or when I'll be able to see her. I don't live very close to them, about an hour away. I just don't know what to do. I want to kill him, I want to make him hurt for ruining her life all over again after she worked so hard to build it back up after she divorced my father (they split up because he was an alcoholic). Why the f*ck does stuff like this keep happening to her? She is the most selfless and kindest person I know and she has done f*ck all to deserve this. What can I do? I don't even know where to start.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im sorry to hear that :(
    Your poor mother. Some people just do have shit luck in relationships. Its bound to make you feel very angry. Just be there for her and try not to put her under any pressure in case she decides to try and make it work
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Almost this exact thing happened to me, its really hard and i feel for your family and your mother.

    The only advice i can give you is that its really important that you dont let them bring you into their arguements, even though you have taken a side and have every right to!! Just make sure that they keep treating you like a child rather than a friend just because you are older. Because otherwise you will probably find out alot of things you dont want to know.

    and dont listen to anyone if they tell you that it shouldnt hurt as much because he's 'not your real dad'!

    If you ever want to talk PM me because this happened to me and i know how hard it is!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats good advice

    Its not always good to be brought into it.
    My mum and stepdad (his affair) split up when i was 19 or 20. Id already left home but i found it really hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, I don't care about him. He hasn't had a huge amount of impact on my life because I was away at uni by the time they married and I've never lived with him. But it took my brothers a long time to adjust to living with him and to get used to him and knowing their trust and my mother's trust in him has been betrayed is the most upsetting thing. My mother has made so many sacrifices for him, not to mention the rest of his family who she has bent over backwards to help out time and time again. What if she doesn't get through this, what if this is the one thing to finally break her? Why couldn't he just tell her if something was lacking from the relationship, why did he have to humiliate her in this way? Didn't he ever have any respect for her at all?

    Sorry to rant. I'm not expecting any answers or a magical solution. I just have so much I want to say and no-one to say it to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youre always welcome to get it off your chest here. It does seem so unfair. Some people are just so selfish :( They want to have their cake and eat it. Someone always ends up getting hurt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks...as always you guys are a big help. I just feel so helpless to do anything to make things better for my mum. She's always who I turn to when I'm going through horrible things and always makes me feel better - and I can't do the same for her. It's just so out of the blue and so underserved :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Be there for your Mum, but don't get involved in their fall out - it's not your battle.

    BTW Men are dogs.
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