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Boyfriend doesn't trust me plus more, help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

I'm new to this site and I hope I don't write too much. I'm 50 years old, have been married twice, no kids. Over 10 years ago I became very sick from a bacterial infection and fought this battle all by myself to get better which I did. I have been living alone for the past 10 years and stopped socializing except for a couple of best friends.

Well, a year ago I decided it was time to see what dating felt like again so I joined a site and went out on a couple of dates, no big deal, the guys I met didn't do anything for me. Since I am used to being alone I said to myself "Hey, if I meet someone that I connect with, great, if I don't, that's fine too". I will not settle for just anyone as I am used to being dependent on myself.

Just when I stopped looking, a guy contacts me and we talk intensely for a couple of weeks. We finally meet and we fell in love or became very infatuated with each other.

He literally swept me off my feet with flowers, jewelry, loving words, and the list goes on. I was getting scared but enjoying it at the same time. I thought I fell in love with him.

He was totally honest with me and told me he was disabled and after being sick myself I was very understanding. He just kept wanting to see me all the time and I let him because it felt so good!

Now it's 6 months later so the honeymoon phase is over. (There is more to this story but I don't want to write a book). We broke up about a month ago because we decided it was a good idea for him to move in with me (I own my house). So he hired moving people and the night before he was supposed to move in, I got scared and needed to talk to him, but he went to a friend's house. Maybe I should have called him to tell him I was feeling scared but I didn't. Instead when he came back I said to him "I think this is a bad idea" and he tried to talk to me but it was so late that I was too tired to talk.

I didn't communicate what I was feeling and naturally he felt hurt and didn't move in. Now I don't know what to do. He is being honest and says he doesn't trust me. I didn't lie to him, I told him I was scared because I have been alone for 10 years. I miss him but he keeps throwing things back in my face. I'm too old for these games. I think he is still angry at me but he says he is not.

He was over 2 weeks ago (last time I saw him) and he said to me that he wanted to buy me something and asked me to pick it out. So I picked something out and then he says to me that I have to give him $20.00. I said "I don't believe you just said that to me". So I became angry at him.

I feel like he is being childish for a man of 50 years old. All throughout the relationship he throws stuff in my face (with words) reminding me of everything he has done for me. He doesn't acknowledge what I have done for him, but I don't go around measuring who does what for who. To me this is immature.

I know that no person is perfect yet I still love this guy. Tonight he chats with me and asks me if I am bipolar??? I am shocked.

Is it understandable that I became scared about him moving in with me after 6 months? I don't know.

Thanks for any input,
Vana

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think it's totally understandable that you were scared, having been totally independent for so long. yes, preferably you should have told him what you were feeling at the time but everyone makes mistakes.

    personally i think it sounds like he is being immature - i can't stand it when guys do the whole "i'm not angry" thing and obviously are. But I also think that if you love him you should let him know that, then give him some time to cool off without badgering him too much.

    They say if you love someone, let them go, if they come back...

    Sounds like a horrible situation though, hope things get better:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think it sounds very good, especially for such a new relationship. Sounds like hes very high maintenance and has a lot of issues. also sounds very controlling.
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