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step-dad

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
For some reason, ever since my mum met and married this guy, I have got nothing but bad vibes off him. Like, he's a decent guy, but I just can't help but think he isn't all what my mum thinks he is... She continues to promote how wonderful he is - which really irritates me, I can't stand it at times... I've tried just ignoring her, but that just isn't nice and I get the feeling that she thinks that it's her that I'm ignoring and not the subject matter... Like I said, the guy isn't bad, but I get vibes and don't think he's as wonderful as makes out.

It annoys me, what should I do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    same sorta predicament really, all im doing is going with the flow and if he does upset her or leave her then i'll be there for her.. but it's scary
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As long as hes acting allright then its not really fair to be off with him/ your mum just cos you don't like his vibes. When he actually does fuck your mum about or do something mean then its a bit different.
    if your mum keeps banging on about him just smile and nodd and be happy shes happy. its better her to keep being all lovey dovey than walking around crying cos shes lonely.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also put yourself in his shoes. He probably feels a little akwards around you and maybe even thinks that your giving him bad vibes as well. He has come into a new self contained family and probably doesn't know how to act or what to do to make you like him.

    I would suggest that you trust your mum's judgement on this one and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe see if you can organise an activity that the two of you can do togeather to bond a bit without your mum?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can see why people's children can be uncomfortable with stepdads and stepmums. It completely jumbles what we associate our families to be. In many ways, parenthood has a kind of intimacy that no other relationship you'll find has. Whilst this man is not your parent, he is taking on a role associated with being a parent and this is crossing boundaries.

    What about your father, is he still around?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How old are you? It may help if you don't view him as your 'step dad'? I don't call either of my parents partners step parents - because they're not parent figures, just my parents partners. As for the bad vibes you can't really do much about that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if shes expecting you to think hes as wonderful as she thinks he is, and has tried to push the relationship rather than let it grow naturally, then youre bound to have weird feelings about it.
    It might not necessarily be because theres anything wrong with the guy, just that youre not destined to be super-close and noone should force that issue. Its her relationship, and as much as it would be lovely for her if you thought of him immediately as your new daddy, for most people that is unrealistic and youd probably get along better if your mum laid off with the hard sell.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if shes expecting you to think hes as wonderful as she thinks he is, and has tried to push the relationship rather than let it grow naturally, then youre bound to have weird feelings about it.
    It might not necessarily be because theres anything wrong with the guy, just that youre not destined to be super-close and noone should force that issue. Its her relationship, and as much as it would be lovely for her if you thought of him immediately as your new daddy, for most people that is unrealistic and youd probably get along better if your mum laid off with the hard sell.

    Exactly, you don't have to be close to your step parents. I'm not close to my parents partners - i just have no reason to be. My dads girlfriend is a bit weird and doesn't speak directly to us sometimes, she'll whisper to dad then he'll tell us and she often just ignores us. My mums boyfriend is lovely, i get on with him but that's it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Exactly, you don't have to be close to your step parents. I'm not close to my parents partners - i just have no reason to be. My dads girlfriend is a bit weird and doesn't speak directly to us sometimes, she'll whisper to dad then he'll tell us and she often just ignores us. My mums boyfriend is lovely, i get on with him but that's it.

    I agree. I'm not really close to my "step dad" either tbh. Hes nice enough and I have a laugh with him. And if something was up with him I'd be...well a tiny bit upset, but its not the same as my own dad. I think parents expect you to be very close to step parents and some can be if one of the parents isn't around. But when you have both parents then there is not so much need for another parent really.
    But I know about the vibes. I get them with people and I just get a feeling. Usually its right but its hard to explain to people. I'd be nice as you can be to him but just, don't ignore your gut feelings. Its trying to find the nice balance.
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