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i got a letter today
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i know some people know the full story cuz i've moaned about it enough on here but a quick run through is my dad died of a brain tumour in dec 05..his funeral was in january..because my parents had broken up and my dad couldnt comprehend why they were splitting however many times it was explained to him my two aunts and gran (on his side) turned against my mum.
me and my brother were the only ones allowed to attend the funeral with a family friend. it was awful, my american aunt and her husband chose to ignore me and when i entered a room would walk out. she sat with two of our neighbours, a couple who when my dad was getting iller stuck by him. well that is all they know, what they don't know is that the husband is/was a wifebeater and when my dad was well and could actually remember little details like these he blanked the husband who did this.
it hurt that a wife beater carried my dad's coffin inside the building along with my uncle etc instead of anyone at all inviting my brother to which apparently is traditional (son carrying father's coffin)
now anyway my aunt (not the american one) the one who actually talked to me (a little bit) at the funeral wrote me a letter with a photo attached of the memorial where my dad's ashes are and she said that there is a beautiful flower pot of lavender by it. she signed the letter, 'best wishes auntie ..... '.
my mum said i better write a thankyou letter but i have a temptation to ask quite bluntly whether i am disowned or not? i'm fed up of not knowing and i would actually like to have a good relationship with her because she's a link to my dad and although she probably doesn't see it, i am a link to him too. i have so many things i want to tell her.
i'm of a fragile mind i guess you can call it that..at the moment but i have a really strong urge to do this and know that i probably will. just how much do you say to a person in a letter who might just absolutely hate you? i cant exactly say i was in a mental unit because that will look like i'm trying to win sympathy or whatever.
what i do want to get through to them is that i was a good daughter who was loved by her dad no matter what he would tell them over the phone and that i have no idea why me and my brother are being shut out.
me and my brother were the only ones allowed to attend the funeral with a family friend. it was awful, my american aunt and her husband chose to ignore me and when i entered a room would walk out. she sat with two of our neighbours, a couple who when my dad was getting iller stuck by him. well that is all they know, what they don't know is that the husband is/was a wifebeater and when my dad was well and could actually remember little details like these he blanked the husband who did this.
it hurt that a wife beater carried my dad's coffin inside the building along with my uncle etc instead of anyone at all inviting my brother to which apparently is traditional (son carrying father's coffin)
now anyway my aunt (not the american one) the one who actually talked to me (a little bit) at the funeral wrote me a letter with a photo attached of the memorial where my dad's ashes are and she said that there is a beautiful flower pot of lavender by it. she signed the letter, 'best wishes auntie ..... '.
my mum said i better write a thankyou letter but i have a temptation to ask quite bluntly whether i am disowned or not? i'm fed up of not knowing and i would actually like to have a good relationship with her because she's a link to my dad and although she probably doesn't see it, i am a link to him too. i have so many things i want to tell her.
i'm of a fragile mind i guess you can call it that..at the moment but i have a really strong urge to do this and know that i probably will. just how much do you say to a person in a letter who might just absolutely hate you? i cant exactly say i was in a mental unit because that will look like i'm trying to win sympathy or whatever.
what i do want to get through to them is that i was a good daughter who was loved by her dad no matter what he would tell them over the phone and that i have no idea why me and my brother are being shut out.
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Comments
I know that wont be easy, but bite the bullet and my fingers are so tightly crossed. I truly hope you can forge a new relationship with her.
x
i have weird thoughts around the memorial. apparently my dad said that he wanted his ashes to be by his father's whereas if he was well and in the right frame of mind i have no uncertainty that he would want it to be as close to me and my brother instead of all the way in burton on trent but there is no point thinking too much about that cuz it will never change.
also, i'm not religious and wasn't involved in the memorial ceremony or even invited to it. me standing there is not going to make me feel closer to my dad one little bit. i guess what i'm hoping to achieve if i'm totally honest is an apology or just a little understanding and for them to admit that my dad did love me.
realistically that probably won't happen but just a chance for them to hear my side of the story and maybe even a relationship rather than outcasted from that side with no reason given.