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14 year age gap????? Need help!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey, I'm a mature 18 year old and in a relationship with a guy who is six years older than me, its been great but my feelings have been changing. There is this man i know who is 32. We are so alike, get on really well and have a good laugh. I have never thought about 'me and him' before until the other night, we went out as a group and we ended up getting closer, getting to know each other better, we ended up holding hands and cuddling at the end of the night. I know he likes me, and now I can't stop thinking about him. What do you think about the age gap of 14years?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm Age doesn't matter, but what might matter is the fact HE is 32, 14years older, possibily looking to settle down? Are you wanting this? you'd need to find out if he's settling down and asses your own feelings as to wether your ready to settle or not?

    As for age, who gives a monkeys, your both legal and like each other?

    However I wouldn't suggest doing anything before ending it with your current BF?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rachie004 wrote: »
    it's only a problem is one of you is bothered about it. The relationship would be between you and him, not you him and everyone else

    But then I'm biased - I'm going out with a guy who is way way way older than me

    Do a search on the subject of age gaps - it's been covered approximately a million times before and there's some good advice out there
    what like 50years older :P
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Been there (14 and a half years age gap) and not likely to do it again. It can and does work, but me and my ex where so different and had few common interests. Plus he wasn't a very nice person.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hate to be the voice of doom but from experience of friends who've gone through it its never worked out because people of very different ages often want different things out of life, and once the honeymoon period has gone you may well find yourself fed up. Though as Rachie said, if its not a problem for you then it's fine really.

    Certainly seems a bit of a hasty decision though - you're in a relationship, you held hands with this guy for one night and already considering jumping into another relationship? Perhaps, seeing as you're still young and though 'mature', probably want some freedom too, it's a sign that you just need to do your own thing for a while?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    personally, i don't think age is such a big issue unless you make it into an issue. it depeds on the people involved but really, its as simple as that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Had a little flirtation once when I was 34 with a girl around 18 but in reality we were too different.

    At an older age a 14 year gap may work, eg man of 40 with woman of 26 where both are "mature".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 23 and seeing a guy who's 34. We get along really well - in fact I just got back from a week's holiday with him and we're still getting on, miracle! - but sometimes I do worry there will come a time he wants to settle down and I won't. He's already told me he would love to marry me and have kids and all that malarky, and I eventually want that too, but right now I just wanna have some fun and an easy relationship (the last one was hard work!).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aww thanks, yeah i mean I'm 19 next month, he has told me what he thinks of me and what he wishes would happen between is, hard thing is we are both currently in relationships. He wants me to text him but maybe i should just move on and concentrate on my current relationship. Everyone keeps saying it would be a mistake because of the age gap, but i don't believe that. I'm mature enough to make my own decisions, i'm not your average teenager and I feel that it wouldn't make that much of a difference. Maybe I should just text him asking if he wants to go for a drink sometime? Just to have a chat, nothing serious??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would really really either get out or sort out your current relationship before doing ANYTHING else. Trust me, I have been in your situation - very similar down to the ages lol - so I know what it's like, but you should show your current bf some respect and either give it a go or get rid of him. If you are considering someone else then there's something wrong with your current relationship which needs sorting out before you make anything more complicated.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not preaching, I'm just so glad I went about things in the way I did so that everyone got the respect that they deserved even though the relationship came to an end :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks!!! Yeah hes taking me away for the weekend so i'm gonna be cool, show him respect etc and when we get back i'm going to think over everything and talk to him :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bettyboop234 wrote: »
    Thanks!!! Yeah hes taking me away for the weekend so i'm gonna be cool, show him respect etc and when we get back i'm going to think over everything and talk to him :)

    Sounds like a sensible plan.

    However regarding the age gap... When I was 18 I met a lovely man who was 31... we started seeing each other casually, neither of us looking for anything too serious. 5 years later we are married and couldn't be happier together.

    Age gaps aren't a problem unless you make them a problem :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    really??? wow!!! yeah i mean neither of us are looking for anything serious, we just are both in relationships and both really really like each other. Its crazy, the attraction between us is so strong, we have so much in comman, have such great conversations and a great laugh. I think i'll talk to my boyfriend when we come back from our break away at the weekend, as this guy has told me to text him when i'm back, hopefully i will try and work out something thats best for all of us. I'd like to ask this guy out, just for a drink, so we can talk and get to each other as mates...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    edit: nvm
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, did you get a lot of stick from your friends for going out with someone that much older? I mean i'm not bothered, people had a problem with me and my current 'boyfriend' as he is 6years older than me, it didn't bother me as my true mates and my parents were happy for me. People i have spoken to about this guy say i'm playing a dangerous game, but my mates that know the guy are all happy for me...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, I think it's down to how much you have in common etc, and certainly where you both are in your lives.

    Personally, I can't see me having much in common at all with an 18 year old, and I'm only just turning 28. I do tend to go for older women, and have only had one daliance with anybody much younger in the last few years, and that was a ONS.

    Give it a go, just be careful with your heart. He will have experienced a lot more than you, given he's not far off double your age, and I just think that you should have a little more living under your belt before you embark upon anything like this.
    Age gaps aren't a problem unless you make them a problem

    I dunno. For some people it works, for many it doesn't, especially when one of the parties is so young. To me, the gap (meaning the difference in mental ages) itself is the problem, not the people making it one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, thanks I can understand where your coming from. I think if we were just to take things real slow, get to know each other properly and become mates, see how it goes from there maybe?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bettyboop234 wrote: »
    Yeah, thanks I can understand where your coming from. I think if we were just to take things real slow, get to know each other properly and become mates, see how it goes from there maybe?



    I personally wouldn't, but that's me. You sound like you have at least a base to work from.

    Just to reiterate... Be careful.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [
    bettyboop234 wrote: »
    Also, did you get a lot of stick from your friends for going out with someone that much older?

    Not at all... like you I had always seen guys who were older but 13 years was a record for me :) I suppose it helps that I was always older than my age and he was younger so we meet somewhere in the middle! I also get on fantastically with his friends and again the age has never been an issue there. I think ultimately as long as you are happy and your friends can see that and think you have made the right decision, there shouldn't be any worries.
    bettyboop234 wrote: »
    Yeah, thanks I can understand where your coming from. I think if we were just to take things real slow, get to know each other properly and become mates, see how it goes from there maybe?

    I think you can only do this if you have decide to leave things with your current boyfriend - it wouldn't be fair to string him along until you have made your decision...


    g_angel007 - mental age does not necessarily mean the same as physical age.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Splodgey wrote: »


    g_angel007 - mental age does not necessarily mean the same as physical age.


    I never said it did - but there is usually a chasm of a difference between a person of 18 and a person of 31, and so it is still a massive factor.

    It is a rare thing when two of such ages can be compatible long term, or even much past the short term - and you are such a thing. So many of my friends have tried the large age gap thing when very young (Yes, 18 is still VERY young in my eyes), and as I sit here typing, I can't think of a single one that lasted more than a few months once the physical and emotional honeymoon period wore off, as then the true differences started showing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    I never said it did - but there is usually a chasm of a difference between a person of 18 and a person of 31, and so it is still a massive factor.

    It is a rare thing when two of such ages can be compatible long term, or even much past the short term - and you are such a thing. So many of my friends have tried the large age gap thing when very young (Yes, 18 is still VERY young in my eyes), and as I sit here typing, I can't think of a single one that lasted more than a few months once the physical and emotional honeymoon period wore off, as then the true differences started showing.

    I will consider myself lucky then :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Splodgey wrote: »
    I will consider myself lucky then :)

    I honestly think you should!! :hyper:

    I still stand by what I said that the OP should just be very careful. Being a bloke, and having done something like this myself in the past (not for a long time though), it's sometimes easy to have a young girl fall in love with you, when what you may be after is not a relationship - if you get my meaning. Often, the right thing said or the right action made at the right time can mean a hell of a lot more to them than it may to you...

    Obviously, this wouldn't happen to everybody, but to many it does and they're left heart broken and feel used.
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