If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Should I Trust Him? Should I Call Him My BF?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right I probably won't cover everything in this post because my heads all a bit fucked up about it and I doubt I will remember to write it all.
Right basically I started seeing this new guy about 3 months ago now, everything was great, I was so happy with him and so I thought vice versa. My mum was NOT happy about it at all, she said that I should not see this guy, that he is bad news and all this shit, which at the time I thought was complete shit because she didn't even know him. She made it quite clear in a roundabout kind of way that she would not be happy if I carried on seeing him and even more so if i have sex with him. But at the time, why would I listen to her?
I carried on seeing him, and things were great. Just one thing I wasnt happy with. In his own words he "didnt like using condoms". I was a stupid immature idiot (I dont need you to tell me that) and went along with it for about a month or so. Then I started hinting that I thought we should be using something, he just said it was up to me to sort that if i was so bothered. I guessed by that he thought I was worried about pregnancy but what was also bothering me was that I knew he had been with quite a few lasses in the past. It makes me think he was probably not using condoms with these girls either. In the end about a month ago I said we either use condoms or I am not having sex with you. He said he won't use them, so we have not had sex since.
Now the thing is we have still been sort of seeing each other, just with no real intamacy. I wouldn't really class him as my bf, and i dont think he classes me as his gf. I get the impression he has been having sex with someone else, though I have not asked him.
I am waiting for test results but I am anticipating what I will do either way:
1) I have got something of him, he is gone, end of story
2) They all come back clear, we try to mend things but he still insists on not using condoms
The thing is, and the most stupid thing is I still love him, fuck knows why after I know what he is like but I just do.
Grr dont know what the point to this thread is, its all just playing around in my head.
Right basically I started seeing this new guy about 3 months ago now, everything was great, I was so happy with him and so I thought vice versa. My mum was NOT happy about it at all, she said that I should not see this guy, that he is bad news and all this shit, which at the time I thought was complete shit because she didn't even know him. She made it quite clear in a roundabout kind of way that she would not be happy if I carried on seeing him and even more so if i have sex with him. But at the time, why would I listen to her?
I carried on seeing him, and things were great. Just one thing I wasnt happy with. In his own words he "didnt like using condoms". I was a stupid immature idiot (I dont need you to tell me that) and went along with it for about a month or so. Then I started hinting that I thought we should be using something, he just said it was up to me to sort that if i was so bothered. I guessed by that he thought I was worried about pregnancy but what was also bothering me was that I knew he had been with quite a few lasses in the past. It makes me think he was probably not using condoms with these girls either. In the end about a month ago I said we either use condoms or I am not having sex with you. He said he won't use them, so we have not had sex since.
Now the thing is we have still been sort of seeing each other, just with no real intamacy. I wouldn't really class him as my bf, and i dont think he classes me as his gf. I get the impression he has been having sex with someone else, though I have not asked him.
I am waiting for test results but I am anticipating what I will do either way:
1) I have got something of him, he is gone, end of story
2) They all come back clear, we try to mend things but he still insists on not using condoms
The thing is, and the most stupid thing is I still love him, fuck knows why after I know what he is like but I just do.
Grr dont know what the point to this thread is, its all just playing around in my head.
0
Comments
Let's hope you don't have anything.
He sounds pretty childish to refuse to have sex with a condom. Maybe he loses his erection when he uses one, it's not unknown.
Do you actually do anything with this guy other than have sex? Do you go out places, has he met your friends, etc? Ask him straight out what's going on with you.
Well whatever the results are its pretty clear he's not that bothered about you or what you want. Sorry to say it! It sounds like he's not even arsed if he has sex with you or not. You should find someone who really likes you and respects you.
If your tests come back clear and he was willing to get tested would you consider starting (resuming) an intimate sexual relationship without condoms? Would you go or are you on the pill?
Mums are generally right about blokes who are bad news but it's your decision, not hers. If I'd listened to what my dear mother said about blokes in the past then I'd have had far less heartache but it's a rite of passage to fuck off parental advice
No I am not on the pill. He never really gave a reason why he didnt want to use condoms, the most I got out of him was "just cos I don't like em".
Yeah, my friendship group and his are sort of joined by a few people if that make sense, so I know all of his mates and he knows the majority of mine. Thats sort of what I was saying by we are still seeing each other as friends, we still go to the cinema and to partys and that as the group in general, and all our friends still treat us as a couple so it seems that socially we are a couple, but thats where it ends. There seems to be nothing going on when we go home, no contact or anything or very little and obviously, as I said no sex because I said I would not continue without using a condom.
I do understand that he might no like using condoms but without giving me a valid reason why then I don't see why I should go on the pill or something which is going to give me side affects which I don't particulary want to bother with if it can be helped. If he went and got tested too (which I did suggest to him when I told him I was going) and he came back clear then I would be more than willing to make a try at it. I really do love him, and I looked at other peoples problems and think my god hes using you leave him alone, find someone better but now I understand that it can be put aside because I really like him so much that becomes irrelevant, although I know it probably shouldn't.
I am just so :crazyeyes by it all. In one way I can't be bothered with the stress and worry this relationship brings but in another way I really love him. It's so fucked up.
The fact that he isn't willing to change for you suggests that this "relationship" is going nowhere. This is a matter of highest importance and he's putting his wishes ahead of your needs and that is not a good starting point IMHO.
My advice therefore is to forget option 2
Well then he's definitely not your boyfriend is he because you only see him when you all meet up as a group as friends. Maybe in his head it already ended and it just hasn't been spoken about.
I suppose but it's just so shit and so hard.
Has the relationship ended just because I refused to have sex with him if he doesn't wear a condom? If so that makes me think well he was obviously just using me . . . . . . . . but then again I dunno.
In my eyes he could do anything and although the inside of me tells me what he is doing shows no respect for me another bit of me knows that I love him soooo much and it doesn't matter what he does or says it doesn't even matter because I love him and it will all be OK if I go along with it.
It sounds like you need to talk to him about all of this as only he can answer that question.
You might find this article on ditching the condoms offers some useful info. I think it's a good point you've made that he should get tested too. Have you talked to GP, someone at a clinic about your concerns related to the pill?
I suppose I should just face up to it and face defeat that it's over and hes just a scumbag, but its so hard because I love him so much.
:yes:
:yes:
:yes:
That's true but, of course, it's your choice. Would you still have sex with a man you loved even if he insisted that he wanted to use a condon? More than likely. But that's 'cos you're nice ...
He should put your thoughts and opinions into consideration, i don't see why he would want to take the risk of getting you pregnant either.
What was his reaction when you told him no more sex? Was he bothered by it?
I wouldn't trust only using condoms, when i 1st started having sex with my boyfriend i was on the pill and we used condoms too and it stayed like that for about a month or so until i felt more confident with not using condoms and relying solely on the pill. I wouldn't feel protected enough with just a condom.
Have you tried having a serious talk with him as to why he is so against using them because just not like them isn't a valid excuse, it's a very immature one. Atm it sounds like you can do a lot better for yourself.
No point being too hard on yourself, just make sure you learn from it. Though to be honest, whatever the outcome of your tests, I think you should get rid of him. He doesn't sound like he's doing you any favours
You aren't at all, you don't want to go on the pill due to side effects which is your choice, a condom isn't going to make him fat or whatever. You are mature to be wanting to take the right precautions and telling him where to go when he has tried telling you no.
You should be proud for being strong, don't blame yourself for things being in the confused state that they are now and for this guy being too immature and selfish to not want to use a condom.
A condom is not all about contraception - it's about protecting from STDs which the pill cannot do e.g. syphillis, chlamydia, HIV etc.
So you were not being immature. You are way too mature for him.
Sweetheart, you're 16, yeah (and pretty too!)? You have plenty of fish left in the sea and ample time to find them. This guy is a jerk. Try not to waste any more emotions on him.
Fucking walking timebomb.
I know that the condom protects agaisnt STDs as well as pregnancy thats why I really wanted to use one.
Yeah I'm 16, but at this moment in time I do not feel like there are plenty more fish in the sea; the big nasty shark ate them all up :grump:
BUT you are all right really, he is a waste of space. I am going to try to not have any more contact with him now until I get my results back and then see what happens from there. If anything is positive I will personally go round and kill him, gag him with condoms or something! Least I am making a joke out of it now, this afternoon I felt really down about it, and reading back my posts they were a bit silly, I just need to get a grip with myself and move on, however hard it is going to be.
now why the hell did I delete my ex's number of my phone :razz:
It's not just up to you to sort that out though.
Personally, I would get rid of him now.
He sounds like an utter tosser in many ways. Correct me if I'm wrong but you've been having unprotected sex with him and if you've not got pregnant or any STIs so far then that is basically down to luck?
You're 16, you've got a reasonable amount of sense, don't less this plonker ruin things for you, either by you getting pregnant or picking up something nasty.
There are plenty more people out there, and life goes on when you are single for a bit. Unless he rapidly bucks up his ideas I'd give up on any hope of a meaningful relationship with someone who really sounds like they are not that bothered about you.
xx
Yeah we were having unprotected sex which I know is stupid and I know I'm lucky not to be pregnant, I am waiting for my results back from the clinic about STI's. But I don't think I have got anything, but we will see.
I am coming round to the idea that he is as you said a looser and I havent spoke to him since yesterday now. It's just hard, he might not be that bothered about me, but I still love him.