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Just need a bit of reassurance i think...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Right, well here goes, As you can see I am pretty new to this but i have been reading on this forums for a little while.
Well, i am 16, i am like a "regular sixteen year old" and my mates have all starting getting girlfriends and having sex, and i know how you shouldnt worry about having sex as soon as your 16, but at the moment now nearly all of my friends have done, i feel kinda left out. If the discussion ever turns to sex, they ignore anything i say. They don't ever say any nasty comments back which i suppose is what i am grateful for. But it feels like i am not worthy to be their friends because i hav'nt done it.
thanks for your time any responces will be aappreciated.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't let it get to you mate, the important thing about sex (and relationships in general) is that you should do it when you feel comfortable and with someone who you feel comfortable to do it with.

    Your mates can pass comment all they want, but at the end of the day it's your life so what you want to do that matters so fuck what they think. If they've got a problem with it then it'll be them walking about with the chip on their shoulder, not you.

    Good attitude though, wish I was that mature when I was 16!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, it might be at age 16 if you haven't had sex it's the 'be all and end all' to the rest of your mates. But unfortunately because lads are at this stupid age where hormones are running around the place and getting a girl into bed and bragging about it is a priority.

    You are not losing your worth because you've not slept with someone yet. I didn't sleep with anyone until I was 17, nor have my first proper boyfriend until then.

    To me it's looking nowadays the media is pushing younger people to settle into an older role and miss out on being a teenager, I suppose. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get anyways.

    Going waaaay off track here, there's not really a resolution to your problem apart from maybe have a quiet word to one of your mates? The one you're closest to incase perhaps you get ridiculed in future so that they'll 'have your back' so to speak.

    There's nothing at all wrong in waiting, and don't you feel pressurised into just doing it for the sake of doing it. Almost everyone I know wishes they could do their virginity all over again, because it was rushed and not with someone they cared about.

    But if it does come to you, I swear to God you'll be wondering what the fuss was about. Not that I'm advocating you rush going out and getting sex, but it's not at all cracked up to be what most people chat about until you have good practise at it and meet someone you can connect with. Not the fumble probably what your mates are bragging about.

    Christ, I sounded like a Hallmark card or something, but I hope this helps, man. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stage6 wrote: »
    ...my mates have all starting getting girlfriends and having sex... But it feels like i am not worthy to be their friends because i hav'nt done it...
    I'm prepared to bet that most, if not all of them, have not had sex. The truth is, most 16-year olds haven't done it.

    For reference, the average age of losing your virginity in the UK, depending on whom you believe, is 16/17. Mind you, those statistics are about as reliable as the ones on men's penis sizes. I've seen various surveys which put that as somewhere between five and eight-and-a-half inches. Proof that not all statistics are to be believed...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all the replies, and yes I know that ALOT of 16 year old lads do bullshit, hell I have done it myself before. But the main fact that my 3 close friends have all had sex. One of them sleeps around like anything, the other has a girlfriend now and the other has only done it twice before (he is 19 nearly 20) which as you can tell makes me feel left out.
    To be honest i have talked to all three of them about and they have all given me different advice and I'm not really sure what one to listen to, they have all said different things:
    the first one said it doesnt matter its not all it cracked up to be.
    the second said that i should loose it as soon as possible because it is brilliant
    the third one said its not a problem because i am only 16 but once i am about 20 and i havnt done it then i should be worried.

    thanks alot :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Listen to the first one. Not because its necessarily true, as it can be fan-bloody-tastic, but then again equally it can be shite. The other two are talking rubbish though. Do it when you are ready, in the right situation, not because your mate says its fantastic. And being a virgin at 20 is nothing to be worried about, despite what your mate 3 might be saying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Acrobat wrote: »
    Listen to the first one.
    :yes: without putting a dampener on it or anything
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's interesting that the one who sleeps around is the one who says it's not great, compared to the one who thinks it's fantastic has a girlfriend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stage6 wrote: »
    the second said that i should loose it as soon as possible because it is brilliant
    Rubbish. There is little point losing your virginity just so you can say you have done it.
    the third one said its not a problem because i am only 16 but once i am about 20 and i havnt done it then i should be worried.
    Again, rubbish. I didn't lose it until I was 20, I wasn't the slightest bit worried about it, and I actually enjoyed losing my virginity. Which is a lot more than most people can say.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, the one who has got a girlfriend has only lost his virginity with this girl wheras my mate who has been sleeping around is kinda starting to settle down with someone.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    The truth is, most 16-year olds haven't done it.

    :yes:

    I'm in a similar situation (but am 18) and do think that you should only have sex when you're ready and not do it because everyone else is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with both No. 1 and No. 2 of your mates. For me anyway, sex with my partner who I love and who I knew I liked a lot and cared about very much before I slept with him is amazing. But random sex with strangers, one night stands, people I wasn't that fussed about wasn't that big of a deal. Not that it doesn't feel great physically, but before I met my partner (and I am 20 btw), my attitude was 'sex is just sex', as in why was everyone making such a big deal out of it?

    So I think maybe the answer is to have sex with someone you really like and really want to have sex with. If you find that person soon, great, if it takes a bit longer to find someone like that, well that's great too.

    Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable doing and what makes you feel happy. And ask your mates to just take it easy on you a bit and stop teasing.
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