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Grandad has weeks to live...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I found out the other day, my Grandad (who I held very close to my heart when I was a kid, and still do to this day) is dying. He's got liver Cancer and its spread to his bowels. The doctors have given him 2-3 weeks to live (max).
I'm going to see him Sunday evening, most probably for the last time. He's chosen to stay at home as he refuses to die in hospital. I'm fearing the worst. He's lost alot of weight and his skins very yellow, its going to be hard for me to see him in such a state to say the least. I've only ever dealt with death one time before at a funeral for my aunt sis who died at 101! She wasn't that close to me, but my Grandad was like a father to me in the past. I've not seen much of him recently, an I regret that so much now. I saw him over Christmas randomly whilst I was walking town in a pub, I went in and said hello. Surprised to see me, the man literally begged me to stay an have a drink with him, he must of known then he had only months to live, and I'd never had a pint with him before. I said I was in a hurry, and didn't have the time, how wrong of me! I do remember when I was a kid we said, we'd have to have pint together when I turned 18, never did. My mum rang him the other day "he sounds like a tired man, who's given up". I don't know if I'll be able to hold back the tears when I see him, but I don't want to make it the worser for everyone else by pouring my heart out to him. Its going to be so hard. He's only just turned 60!
Its going to be a tough month! My nans never been to stable and shes been ill most of her life, this is bound to send her over the edge. She hasn't long left in her either.
anyone got any ideas on how to cope with this? Tearing me apart!
I'm going to see him Sunday evening, most probably for the last time. He's chosen to stay at home as he refuses to die in hospital. I'm fearing the worst. He's lost alot of weight and his skins very yellow, its going to be hard for me to see him in such a state to say the least. I've only ever dealt with death one time before at a funeral for my aunt sis who died at 101! She wasn't that close to me, but my Grandad was like a father to me in the past. I've not seen much of him recently, an I regret that so much now. I saw him over Christmas randomly whilst I was walking town in a pub, I went in and said hello. Surprised to see me, the man literally begged me to stay an have a drink with him, he must of known then he had only months to live, and I'd never had a pint with him before. I said I was in a hurry, and didn't have the time, how wrong of me! I do remember when I was a kid we said, we'd have to have pint together when I turned 18, never did. My mum rang him the other day "he sounds like a tired man, who's given up". I don't know if I'll be able to hold back the tears when I see him, but I don't want to make it the worser for everyone else by pouring my heart out to him. Its going to be so hard. He's only just turned 60!
Its going to be a tough month! My nans never been to stable and shes been ill most of her life, this is bound to send her over the edge. She hasn't long left in her either.
anyone got any ideas on how to cope with this? Tearing me apart!
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I feel so bad turning him down for that drink. I've just rang him to let him know I'll be down sunday. He didnt know who I was on the phone for about 5 mintues
I'm sure it will please him when you go and see him, it will reassure him to see you're well and getting on in with life. Have a good chat to him and let him know how much he means to you.
Its going to be a hard few weeks physically and emotionally for you. I wish you all the best dude, stick around your friends and family cos they will be looking out for you.
:thumb:u
I know it won't be easy seeing him on Sunday, but even though he's very ill, it'll honestly mean the world to him (even though it might not be obvious), and probably to you too when you look back on it in years to come. I think it's a good thing that you've been told beforehand that he'll be very ill looking and weak, because you can prepare yourself, but it might still be a bit of a shock. Just try and appreciate the time that you've got with him as much as you can.
Hope you're OK. I know it isn't easy but feel free to talk about it on here or PM me if you think it'll help.
Chin up mate, you've had so many good times with him, those are the things you want to remember, not turning your back on him.
I might just
When I'm with him on Sunday, I'll have a deep chat with him, as I know I could learn alot from what he says and he'll have alot to say to me anyway. He guided me through alot when I was a kid, just I don't remember much of it. He's a very life experienced man and if he has any advice, I'd follow it down to the bone.
My dad died in exactly the same way when I was 9 and my grandma 2 years later, so I do know what you're going through. It isn't nice to see them like that, but at least he's at home where he's comfy, rather than in a hospital.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is cut yourself up about "I should have done this or that with him". Guilt and regret won't help and he won't be making anywhere near such a big deal about things as you are. Thats the nice thing with grandparents, they just want you to be happy and understand that when you get older you have your own life to live and they want you to do that.
Try and remember all the good times you had together, little conversations etc. Reminise about them with him at the weekend and show him how much he's meant to you. But mostly do it to cheer you up and think he's had a good life. He is young, but if he's had lots of life experiences he presumably hasn't missed out on much and has had a good life. Ask him about things, get to know all about his past then you can feel like you know him properly and all about him. The worst thing you can do though is make it feel to him like you're saying goodbye. I know it's what you want to do, but don't wish his last few days/weeks away. Treat him like normal and just carry on with day to day life.
My thoughts are with you, just use here as a place to let out the emotion and stay strong around your grandad.
*hugs again*
As everyone has said, you need to focus on the good times, and make the most of the time you have with him now.
Also, I know it won't seem like this, but you have a chance to say goodbye. There's nothing worse than losing someone you love, having not seen them and not had the chance to say everything you wish you could.
Naturally it is going to be extremely upsetting, but you need to be strong for him and your nan too now. I'm sure he will feel that little bit more at ease if he knows you will be there to take care of his wife and support her.
i dont have any advice, but say what you need to him while you can.