Home Health & Wellbeing

Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

1123124126128129225

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i hate myself so much-i wish i could have managed it

    I don't know if you've read my PM yet, but i for one am glad you didnt kill yourself. You've helped me a lot in your messages, and you're such a genuinely nice person.

    If you need to talk you know where i am x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jelly tots wrote: »
    There is no reason for you to hate yourself. From what ive read from you and the posts you've left me, you seem like a really nice person.
    Try to think on the positives of last night. Even though you felt like harming, you didnt. Thats something to be proud of. I self harm too, so i know how hard it can be to resist the temtptation.

    Try not to feel guilty either. You have so much to give and dont deserve to be putting yourself through this
    x x x
    I didn't because I knew the reaction I'd get from Rich, and I knew he'd blame himself for something which was essentially my own fault. Especially since he went funny on me on Sunday when I put my compass (which fell out of it's usual hiding place, and got found while we were tidying) back where it was supposed to be.

    I feel guilty because I still have thoughts about harming, but I don't tell him, which I should. I feel guilty because he doesn't know why I keep a stash of pills that I don't even need anymore, although nobody knows (well, I guess it's pretty obvious now, but whatever), I feel like I should have told him and I didn't.

    Meh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    I didn't because I knew the reaction I'd get from Rich, and I knew he'd blame himself for something which was essentially my own fault. Especially since he went funny on me on Sunday when I put my compass (which fell out of it's usual hiding place, and got found while we were tidying) back where it was supposed to be.

    I feel guilty because I still have thoughts about harming, but I don't tell him, which I should. I feel guilty because he doesn't know why I keep a stash of pills that I don't even need anymore, although nobody knows (well, I guess it's pretty obvious now, but whatever), I feel like I should have told him and I didn't.

    Meh.


    If you don't feel you can tell him, then don't rush yourself. Just know that when the time comes that you feel you can, he seems like he'll be there to comfort you. Guilt is such a bitch of an emotion. The person i saw today put harming into a whole new perspective for me today. He said harming doesnt make you a good or bad person, it just makes you able to cope the best way you know how. I don't know if you ever feel you're a bad person for doing it but if you ever do, think about that.

    You really dont deserve to be putting yourself through this
    x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everyone would be better off if i was able to actually kill myself-im so useless i cant even do that-i cant even get rid of the pain that is me-paracetamol is meant to get rid of the pain
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everyone would be better off if i was able to actually kill myself-im so useless i cant even do that-i cant even get rid of the pain that is me-paracetamol is meant to get rid of the pain

    Trust me, you don't want to go down that road. Be strong, you deserve better than to do something like that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jelly tots wrote: »
    If you don't feel you can tell him, then don't rush yourself. Just know that when the time comes that you feel you can, he seems like he'll be there to comfort you. Guilt is such a bitch of an emotion. The person i saw today put harming into a whole new perspective for me today. He said harming doesnt make you a good or bad person, it just makes you able to cope the best way you know how. I don't know if you ever feel you're a bad person for doing it but if you ever do, think about that.

    You really dont deserve to be putting yourself through this
    x x x
    The person you spoke to is right, of course. I don't feel guilty for doing it, when I do. I feel a bit crap, because it means having to hide it from people, but not guilty. I only feel guilty right now because I'm hiding stuff from him, and I usually tell him everything. It's just that...like...I'm supposed to be happy, so telling him that I keep pills for that one day when it gets too much, or that I still get times when I want to harm myself for no rea reason, that's just going to worry him and I don't want to do that.

    Mehhhhhhhhh.

    Too tired. Too stressed out. Fucking exam tomorrow. It hasn't even kicked in that it's the real thing yet.

    I don't want to be here :(.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    The person you spoke to is right, of course. I don't feel guilty for doing it, when I do. I feel a bit crap, because it means having to hide it from people, but not guilty. I only feel guilty right now because I'm hiding stuff from him, and I usually tell him everything. It's just that...like...I'm supposed to be happy, so telling him that I keep pills for that one day when it gets too much, or that I still get times when I want to harm myself for no rea reason, that's just going to worry him and I don't want to do that.

    Mehhhhhhhhh.

    Too tired. Too stressed out. Fucking exam tomorrow. It hasn't even kicked in that it's the real thing yet.

    I don't want to be here :(.

    The stress of tommorrow must be mounting the way you feel at the miunte. Try to get an early-ish nights sleep tonight so you're alert for tommorrow, then after your exam, at least you'll be able to think that thats one thing off your mind.

    Just to let you know, I do the same type of thing. I have razors hidden all over the place, just in case i need them. I even have the remainder of the paracetamol in my drawer that i didnt manage to take. I wont use them, but i think its probably a reassurance thing. Knowing that if all does go wrong you can go back to what you can rely on. (Don't know if that makes sense). Just because you have this stash though, doesnt mean that you'll use them.

    Take care x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good luck franki. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    I hate me sometimes.

    I'm being paranoid. Again. Except this time it's about a whole load of different things, but mostly centred around the fact that I have no idea where my boyfriend is. Which is stupid, because I know he'd never do anything, but my mind is just going sirens because it's trying to tell me he's ignoring me. Meh.

    Also, the realisation that I'm not going to be on any of the pages of random pictures of the IB people kinda upsets me. Makes me wish I'd tried harder to be friends with them, but I don't know what else I could have done, ya know?

    Meh.

    Feel like I'm gonna cry. Had such a bad night last night, was the first time in ages I felt like harming. I didn't tell Rich because he'd blame himself, but now I feel guilty for it.

    Meh.

    If you trust him and know he'd never do anything, then why are you paranoid? YOU KNOW he won't be ignoring you. If he is feeling as guilty as you are making him out to be (although, I'm curious as to what he's done to upset you so much that you feel like self harming) and he is worrying as much as you say he is, why would he do something to upset you even more? He wouldn't would he? Think about it.

    He's probably just busy (I'm assuming he isn't replying to your texts) or something is wrong with his phone (his battery has died, he might not be receiving your texts, you might not be receiving his, etc). You shouldn't be paranoid if you don't know where your boyfriend is 24'7 if there is trust.

    As for your IB yearbook thingy, don't let small things like that get to you. You are going to University in September. You won't even remember much of college believe me. Fresh start, new life, new friends :)

    Concentrate on what really matters at the moment (your exams) and try not to let these little things get to you.

    Oh, and it might be a good idea to throw those pills away :yes:

    Hope you feel better soon and your exam goes ok tomorrow :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont want to be here anymore-i mess everything up
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you trust him and know he'd never do anything, then why are you paranoid? YOU KNOW he won't be ignoring you. If he is feeling as guilty as you are making him out to be (although, I'm curious as to what he's done to upset you so much that you feel like self harming) and he is worrying as much as you say he is, why would he do something to upset you even more? He wouldn't would he? Think about it.

    He's probably just busy (I'm assuming he isn't replying to your texts) or something is wrong with his phone (his battery has died, he might not be receiving your texts, you might not be receiving his, etc). You shouldn't be paranoid if you don't know where your boyfriend is 24'7 if there is trust.

    He didn't do anything. I was being stupid on Tuesday night over something stupid, and he got a bit annoyed at me, which upset me even more. It was entirely my fault, as our mini-arguments usually are. I just get overly paranoid when he doesn't text me for 2 hours and I don't know what he's doing. Not because I think he's with other girls, 'cause I know he wouldn't do that, but because I think he's ignoring me or something. Hohum.
    As for your IB yearbook thingy, don't let small things like that get to you. You are going to University in September. You won't even remember much of college believe me. Fresh start, new life, new friends :)

    It's not a small thing to me, though. It made me realise that I'm just not popular. I haven't even been invited to any of the hundredmillionbillion IB parties in the last two years. Not ONE. Know how SHIT that makes me feel?
    Concentrate on what really matters at the moment (your exams) and try not to let these little things get to you.

    Oh, and it might be a good idea to throw those pills away :yes:

    Hope you feel better soon and your exam goes ok tomorrow :)

    I'm not throwing them away, because it's comforting knowing that they're there, in a weird way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    franki i know what you mean about keeping stuff as its comforting just to think if you need it its there-take care of yourself yeah-who cares what others think-your going to uni in september and you'll make loadsa new friends

    sorry if i sound like a hypocrit but yeah sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    I think he's ignoring me or something. Hohum.

    I used to get this alot with a friend of mine, but he did explain to me that he does have other things to do rather than talking to me all the time. Does he have any exams coming up soon?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    any ideas how i would be feelin after 8 paracetamol and please i know i should go get help but i cant and im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    I used to get this alot with a friend of mine, but he did explain to me that he does have other things to do rather than talking to me all the time. Does he have any exams coming up soon?
    Psssssh no. He finished uni last year. Turned out he was at his friend's house. So ignoring me :p.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HP that fact that u did it with the intention of doin something means u need to go get help hun. in itself 8 shudnt do that much harm bt remember u no ur body best so if nefing feels odd go get help. plz do something hun ur not alone
    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just feel ill and i dont know how to get help for the illness without telling what happened and i cant do that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just feel ill and i dont know how to get help for the illness without telling what happened and i cant do that


    I can't really give you advice as i'd be the biggest hypocrite walking, but if you need me you can pm me x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just dont want to feel sick-i wish i had thought of a way to just kill myself outright-should have just gone found a building and jumped
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just dont want to feel sick-i wish i had thought of a way to just kill myself outright-should have just gone found a building and jumped

    Well, i for one am glad you didn't. If you're anything like me, that sick feeling will pass with time (and sleep for me). I know its a horrible feeling, but i suppose it serves as a reminder why you shouldn't try and end things, (if that makes sense).

    I know for me, it's acted as a big deterrent for me wanting to do it again x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Eurgh. Sums up how i feel. Don't know what's fucking wrong with me. Feel like i could punch something/someone. I SHOULDN'T be getting myself in this state, where i get so stressed i end up crying, wishing i was dead etc. It would be easier if i wasn't here. how the fuck am i going to manage uni?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats just what it feels like though, sure my boyfriend is thinking similar- well, he probably isnt but i'm in THAT kind of mood
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that's good :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    He didn't do anything. I was being stupid on Tuesday night over something stupid, and he got a bit annoyed at me, which upset me even more. It was entirely my fault, as our mini-arguments usually are. I just get overly paranoid when he doesn't text me for 2 hours and I don't know what he's doing. Not because I think he's with other girls, 'cause I know he wouldn't do that, but because I think he's ignoring me or something. Hohum.

    It's not a small thing to me, though. It made me realise that I'm just not popular. I haven't even been invited to any of the hundredmillionbillion IB parties in the last two years. Not ONE. Know how SHIT that makes me feel?

    I'm not throwing them away, because it's comforting knowing that they're there, in a weird way.

    Of course I realise how shit that might make you feel but at the end of the day, you can't change how your relationship has gone with these people so its time to move on. I didn't make much effort with alot of people in college as I had my friends from work and was always with my boyfriend. I got upset about the SAME thing when I left college and when I look back, I think "why"? When you go to University later this year, you will make tonnes of new friends and college will just be a memory.

    And as for the pills, how likely is it that you'll ever actually use them (and I hope to god, that you never actually will)? How would YOU feel if your boyfriend kept pills incase one day he decided to take them? It can't be nice for him. The only reason why I ask that is because I can completely understand why your boyfriend would get annoyed/upset over it and if its causing arguments which in turn ends up upsetting you, how, really are those pills a comfort?

    And Franki love, you really shouldn't get paranoid over not receiving a text in 2 whole hours as its really not long at all. I really don't mean to sound patronising but I used to get paranoid about things like that when I was your age and it was horrible. Paranoia is horrible. Next time you don't receive a text back as quickly as you hoped, just remind yourself (because you've admitted yourself you get paranoid about him ignoring you) that it is just paranoia and he'll get back to you when he can because 9/10 there is a good reason yeah?

    Just don't get yourself upset unnecessarily. Chin up :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've now (somehow) gone 19 days without sh - which is the longest I've gone, ever. Bit surprised really because of everything that's gone on lately.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    would i class the od as self harm?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes it is classed as self harm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    o well that takes me back to 3 days wow-o how i wish i was dead

    im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i just wish the od had been sucessful im sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hyper person - does anyone know about your OD and are you getting some help for the way you're feeling right now?
Sign In or Register to comment.