If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
lack on physical contact
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi i need some advice....I have been seeing my g/f for 4 years, she is 23 and i am 32...we have the perfect relationship except for the physical side of it...We only have sex once a week if i am lucky and she always decides when we have sex...I am always complimenting her on her appearance and tell her see looks really nice.. She recently told me she doesnt enjoy sex and doesn't get anything out of it...
We do not ever have sex in the morning and she no longer wants to experiment...I am always offering to give her oral stimulation but she doesnt want it and she never offers me anything in return..I always have to make the first move..It's really getting me down by keep getting knocked back...I don't believe i am being demanding it's not like we have sex 3 times a day, 7 days week..surely for a young couple like us with no children and our own home we should be having more sexual contact. I am convinced now she only see us like friends and i feel more like her flat mate then her partner...what can i do
We do not ever have sex in the morning and she no longer wants to experiment...I am always offering to give her oral stimulation but she doesnt want it and she never offers me anything in return..I always have to make the first move..It's really getting me down by keep getting knocked back...I don't believe i am being demanding it's not like we have sex 3 times a day, 7 days week..surely for a young couple like us with no children and our own home we should be having more sexual contact. I am convinced now she only see us like friends and i feel more like her flat mate then her partner...what can i do
0
Comments
perhaps she is growing more insecure in the relationship... trust plays an important role in these things.
although, if it's just that she no longer enjoys sex, then again, you need to sit down with her and talk to her about it, and see if you cant come up with some things to liven your sex life up again.
often however, when the sex goes (unless you've been together a long time) there's something wrong elsewhere in the relationship.
let's just hope it's not the beginning of the end like it was for me in my previous relationship... but then it was more like once a month rather than once a week.
cause to be honest the second one isn't that good.
Yeah it's more like the second one...I feel she only has sex with me. To make me feel happy..The last couple of times she says she has been up for it..but i'm not to sure..she always seem to make excuse, like being tired, having a bad headache...etc
have you tried doing physical things, that arent necessarily sexual?? maybe run her a nice hot bath with some candles? or give her a relaxing massage, without it leading to sex?? Maybe would help her relax and get more into the idea of physical contact!
The tiredness, lack of libido etc that you mention is actually pretty common and it is possible that it doesn't have anything to do with how a person feels about their partner. If this is the case for your girlfriend then understandably, accepting it can be difficult - because if she genuinely is quite stressed out about sex in general then she is going to need your support and she will probably find it tough to make changes if you regularly mention feeling 'deprived of sex.'
The following clearly needs addressing:
And talking to her openly and honestly, about how this makes you feel while encouraging her to talk about why this might have occured, is a good option for moving forward as suggested by Replicant. It's perfectly OK for you to question how she feels about you, but try not to make any accusations and choose a time well away from the bedroom.
Lost+confused has also made some fab suggestions.
I hope things work out for you both