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Would you be put out if....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah. He should at least invite you to Alton Towers on his birthday. Unless he is having a boys day at Alton and its just the guys going, but then he should do something with you later in the week.

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd be annoyed, but its his birthday and birthdays mean u get to do what u want haha

    wouldnt expect him to invite me to alton towers if it was a gang of his mates going

    but it would be nice if he did something with u when he got back or the next day
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was a bit annoyed because I've been talking about going for ages and I'm sure he knew I would have loved to go. I'm not sure who he went with, probably his brother, so that's fair enough, I don't think his bro would have enjoyed it much with me there. :(

    I just wanted to make his birthday all nice and make him a cake and stuff and he wouldn't let me in. :crying:

    I'm seeing him tomorrow and not sure whether to even bother getting him anything at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    I was a bit annoyed because I've been talking about going for ages and I'm sure he knew I would have loved to go. I'm not sure who he went with, probably his brother, so that's fair enough, I don't think his bro would have enjoyed it much with me there. :(

    I just wanted to make his birthday all nice and make him a cake and stuff and he wouldn't let me in. :crying:

    I'm seeing him tomorrow and not sure whether to even bother getting him anything at all.

    but its HIS birthday, not yours....its what HE wants....not you

    unfair as it sounds, thats what birthdays are about

    not getting him anything because he didnt do what u wanted, sounds slightly immature and shady (no offence)

    how long have u been with him?x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    but its HIS birthday, not yours....its what HE wants....not you

    unfair as it sounds, thats what birthdays are about

    not getting him anything because he didnt do what u wanted, sounds slightly immature and shady (no offence)

    Agreed.

    You ARE allowed to spend time away from your Partner if you want, you know!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Agreed.

    You ARE allowed to spend time away from your Partner if you want, you know!

    Oh yeah I agree!

    I was just a bit hurt that he made no time for me at all the whole weekend. I was gonna make him a cake.

    In my mind, if you're with someone, you want to spend time with them (no, I don't mean every second of the day).

    Maybe I have a warped view as with my ex I always spent time with him on his birthday and did something special.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    like i said, it would have been nice of him to see you after he'd been alton towers but maybe he was too tired

    does he know you're upset?x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote: »
    like i said, it would have been nice of him to see you after he'd been alton towers but maybe he was too tired

    does he know you're upset?x

    well on the night (Sat) he went out and got wrecked (I also wasn't invited but I was out in another city with friends anyway) and then Sunday he just lay in bed watching formula 1.

    I don't think he knows I'm upset but I did text him and said I felt like he was blanking me and he said he'd have a chat with me when I see him (tomorrow).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I'd be fairly pissed off, actually I'd be pissed off if he went to alton towers any time without me. Actually I'd be pissed off if ANYONE went to alton towers without me!!

    Seriously though, yeah I would be very put out if my boyfriend didn't want to share his birthday with me. I wouldn't mind so much if he wanted to go out on the night with his bloke friends, but not to want to do anything with you at all? That's not very nice. Having a partner is all about sharing stuff like that!! I make my boyfriend a cake every year and I make damn sure he eats it. Personally I would have just turned up at his house with it

    And I don't think 'its his birthday he can do whatever he wants' washes with me at all. You still have to consider people's feelings :yeees:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't see my boyfriend this year for his birthday, he wanted to play football with the guys instead :confused: birthdays are just another day to him apparently.

    Not to worry, i got fussed over on mine :)

    BUT if he went out for the day like yours id be pissed off too, especially if he knew i really wanted to go. I'd have a word if i was you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I admit I see where both of you are coming from. I guess some people don't feel the need to be with their partner all the time.

    Like littleali said - it's his birthday so he should be allowed to do what he wants.

    If you really are bothered, then talk to him about it, but don't turn it into some silly argument.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote: »
    I think I'd be fairly pissed off, actually I'd be pissed off if he went to alton towers any time without me. Actually I'd be pissed off if ANYONE went to alton towers without me!!

    Seriously though, yeah I would be very put out if my boyfriend didn't want to share his birthday with me. I wouldn't mind so much if he wanted to go out on the night with his bloke friends, but not to want to do anything with you at all? That's not very nice. Having a partner is all about sharing stuff like that!! I make my boyfriend a cake every year and I make damn sure he eats it. Personally I would have just turned up at his house with it

    And I don't think 'its his birthday he can do whatever he wants' washes with me at all. You still have to consider people's feelings :yeees:

    :lol:

    Well you sound like a *barrel* of laughs!!


    "EAT YOUR FUCKING CAKE - YOU *WILL* ENJOY IT!!!" :mad: ;)

    And I don't think 'its his birthday he can do whatever he wants' washes with me at all. You still have to consider people's feelings :yeees:

    Rubbish, it's his bloody birthday. You don't have to involve your partner in every bloody thing you do - and I fall into the same category as Squeal's bf for this one. A birthday is just another day. I don't make ANY deal about it at all, and rarely even tell anybody that it's coming round. People who make a big deal about such a trivial thing are just not on the same wavelength as me.

    Christmas etc etc are all the same. I just don't give a monkey's about them and only actually bother about them as various other people (99% women, IMO) get their knickers in a bunch otherwise.

    Why should he really have to consider YOUR feelings on HIS birthday? So YOU can have a good time and make a fuss? Maybe he doesn't WANT a fuss being made! Some people are just too ridiculously sensitive over nothing. Fair enough if you'd made plans etc, but if you haven't, then it's void being all up in arms.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    :lol:

    Well you sound like a *barrel* of laughs!!


    "EAT YOUR FUCKING CAKE - YOU *WILL* ENJOY IT!!!" :mad: ;)




    Rubbish, it's his bloody birthday. You don't have to involve your partner in every bloody thing you do - and I fall into the same category as Squeal's bf for this one. A birthday is just another day. I don't make ANY deal about it at all, and rarely even tell anybody that it's coming round. People who make a big deal about such a trivial thing are just not on the same wavelength as me.

    Christmas etc etc are all the same. I just don't give a monkey's about them and only actually bother about them as various other people (99% women, IMO) get their knickers in a bunch otherwise.

    Why should he really have to consider YOUR feelings on HIS birthday? So YOU can have a good time and make a fuss? Maybe he doesn't WANT a fuss being made! Some people are just too ridiculously sensitive over nothing. Fair enough if you'd made plans etc, but if you haven't, then it's void being all up in arms.

    It's not just about considering her feelings....she feels that his birthday is an important day, and if he chooses not to spend an important day with her, then that kind of gives the message that he doesn't think she's important enough to spend it with..it's kind of about how he views the relationship!

    So I'd be a bit upset too, tbh...but that said, as G Angel's pointed out, it all depends on whether he thinks his birthday is a big deal...and if you think it's an important day and he doesn't, that could be where the misunderstanding's coming from....and he might not understand why you're making such a big deal.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats bollocks. Thats basically saying any important event has to be spent together otherwise the partner isn't classed as important enough.

    Cheese on Toast bollocks. I think the world cup final is more important than my birthday, but i wouldn't want to watch it with a GF. This is why a lot of guys/girls get a reputation for being clingy. Nobody normal likes it.

    I mean put it in perspective, this lad went to ALton Towers on his bday with his brother, he then spent the evening getting twatted and watching the telly the day after, probably with a hang over.

    Its not a major crime because somebody wanted to bake him a cake - did he even know about this cake which should stop all fun?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deceelpool wrote: »
    Thats bollocks. Thats basically saying any important event has to be spent together otherwise the partner isn't classed as important enough.

    Cheese on Toast bollocks. I think the world cup final is more important than my birthday, but i wouldn't want to watch it with a GF. This is why a lot of guys/girls get a reputation for being clingy. Nobody normal likes it.

    I mean put it in perspective, this lad went to ALton Towers on his bday with his brother, he then spent the evening getting twatted and watching the telly the day after, probably with a hang over.

    Its not a major crime because somebody wanted to bake him a cake - did he even know about this cake which should stop all fun?

    OK then....but surely you can understand it would put doubts in her mind as to why he actively WOULDN'T want to spend time with her? I.e, planning something without her, without telling her that's what he was going to do....if everything was supposed to be hunky dory in the relationship, I know I'd be a bit confused as to why he'd actively choose not to spend some of that time with me, if I was her....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    OK then....but surely you can understand it would put doubts in her mind as to why he actively WOULDN'T want to spend time with her? I.e, planning something without her, without telling her that's what he was going to do....if everything was supposed to be hunky dory in the relationship, I know I'd be a bit confused as to why he'd actively choose not to spend some of that time with me, if I was her....

    No i can't, it makes no sense. All this "i can undersatnd why you feel like this n that blah blah". That is thinking about things too mcuh. Maybe because he loves his GF but has more fun with his mates so "actively choose not to spend some of that time with me" as you put it.

    That doesn't mean he doesn't want her as a GF just not at alton towers with his mates or down the pub. He sounds like he's got his head screwed on to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deceelpool wrote: »
    No i can't, it makes no sense. All this "i can undersatnd why you feel like this n that blah blah". That is thinking about things too mcuh. Maybe because he loves his GF but has more fun with his mates so "actively choose not to spend some of that time with me" as you put it.

    That doesn't mean he doesn't want her as a GF just not at alton towers with his mates or down the pub. He sounds like he's got his head screwed on to me.

    Guess it depends on your definition of a relationship, tbh...you're separating spending time having fun from having a girlfriend, when for a lot of people, spending time together and having fun together is very much part of the relationship...for you (and maybe the OP's boyfriend), it's obviously separate things......:eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    Guess it depends on your definition of a relationship, tbh...you're separating spending time having fun from having a girlfriend, when for a lot of people, spending time together and having fun together is very much part of the relationship...for you (and maybe the OP's boyfriend), it's obviously separate things......:eek2:


    Puts head in Hands.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    deceelpool wrote: »
    Puts head in Hands.

    *Does same* :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    Guess it depends on your definition of a relationship, tbh...you're separating spending time having fun from having a girlfriend, when for a lot of people, spending time together and having fun together is very much part of the relationship...for you (and maybe the OP's boyfriend), it's obviously separate things......:eek2:

    You seem to be missing the point and I am repeatedly having to extract my own head from my hands.

    Can't be bothered going over this again, save to say that YES some people ARE able to keep things separate. Not everything HAS to involve their partner! Jesus...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    You seem to be missing the point and I am repeatedly having to extract my own head from my hands.

    Can't be bothered going over this again, save to say that YES some people ARE able to keep things separate. Not everything HAS to involve their partner! Jesus...

    Hmm...I don't really understand this way of thinking, but OK...:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    Your boyfriend went to Alton Towers on his birthday and didn't invite you?

    Better than Amsterdam or Bangkok don't you think? :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Without sounding like Dear Deirdrie, communication in this relationship seems to be lacking a wee bit. He probably could've spoken to you about it and made alternative arrangements to see you another time, but if it's his day then he really should be able to spend it how he wants.

    To be honest, if my girlfriend went on a night out with her mates for her birthday then that'd be fine by me. I'd probably take her out or try and cook her a nice meal during the week if she was making a weekend of it with her mates. I'd feel guilty all weekend if she suddenly dropped all her plans with her mates just to spend it with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    You seem to be missing the point and I am repeatedly having to extract my own head from my hands.

    Can't be bothered going over this again, save to say that YES some people ARE able to keep things separate. Not everything HAS to involve their partner! Jesus...

    Put yoour head in your hands, it hurts less mate.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    Hmm...I don't really understand this way of thinking, but OK...:confused:

    Nope me neither. I think its a case of girls and guys seeing it completly different ways. Probably girls make a bigger deal about birthdays than guys

    I personally see it that its a special day and I'd like to spend it with a special person. G_angel, no you don't have to do EVERYTHING with your partner but a birthday isn't an everyday occurance. The OP wasn't saying she wanted to monopolise the whole day, but she clearly wanted to be included which I don't think is an unfair request

    Luckily for me my boyfriend always wants to spend his birthday with me, and vice versa, and he's always very excited about the cake even though one year it broke into 3 pieces and another year it didn't rise and was like eating a pancake. Ahhh well its the thought that counts
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote: »
    I personally see it that its a special day and I'd like to spend it with a special person

    Sure - but we're always told that mates should come first, maybe he sees them as being "special" aswell?
    kangoo wrote: »
    G_angel, no you don't have to do EVERYTHING with your partner but a birthday isn't an everyday occurance.

    It happens every year though - if it's a long-term thing then there'll be other birthdays. If it isn't a long term thing then you shouldn't really be put out if he wants to spend it on a lads weekend with his long-term mates.
    kangoo wrote: »
    The OP wasn't saying she wanted to monopolise the whole day, but she clearly wanted to be included which I don't think is an unfair request

    Girlfriends and lads days/nights out don't really mix. Seriously, why not just make a fuss of him in the week if it means that much?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess it depends on the relationship. Me and my boyfriend enjoy spending things like birthdays and christmas together. To be honest, I've never had a boyfriend who hasn't wanted to include me in those things so maybe its just what I'm used to. Different things work for different people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »
    If it isn't a long term thing then you shouldn't really be put out if he wants to spend it on a lads weekend with his long-term mates.

    Can't speak for her, but maybe it's the case then that the OP's worried that him choosing to spend it with his mates might point to the fact that he doesn't see it as a long term thing, then, while maybe she does?

    If you're in it for the long haul, then stuff like this can set the tone for the whole relationship, so it's what seems like 'little' issues like this that need to be talked about and resolved.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    If you're in it for the long haul, then stuff like this can set the tone for the whole relationship, so it's what seems like 'little' issues like this that need to be talked about and resolved.

    Really though, they could be very easily resolved by making a fuss over him another day. Remember, she's the one who sees it as important day, not necessarily him.

    I honestly don't think the fact that he doesn't drop everything for her means that the relationship isn't going anywhere.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote: »
    I honestly don't think the fact that he doesn't drop everything for her means that the relationship isn't going anywhere.

    No...but the fact they're not communicating about it properly might.....
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