Can I Trust Him In Amsterdam

13

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Hahaha - you know my thoughts on these things ;) Life's just too short so sit there crying over spilt milk!

    Tis true. I can't help but think these people that preach about cheating being so wrong are deep down seriously miserable. Surely being with someone and being tempted but not doing anything is a worse feeling than just going with it and doing it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lacy wrote: »
    Tis true. I can't help but think these people that preach about cheating being so wrong are deep down seriously miserable. Surely being with someone and being tempted but not doing anything is a worse feeling than just going with it and doing it?



    Yeah, sometimes you just have to live for the moment. That's why I'm single.

    Thing is there are a lot of moments to be had, and again, I just want to live a little. I'm 27 now, got no plans for settling down, and there's too much of the world to see.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Heck, it's that old adage - if you *knew* your partner would never find out and some really REALLY hot person was wanting to jump your bones... would you?

    I wouldn't do that personally mainly because I'd just feel guilty all the time. And it wouldn't feel right.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    No, no, no. I *know* I have done something wrong - I just don't care. It's not disturbing... It's just the way some people are. Shit happens, you should just deal with it or not do it at all. Black and white to me.

    Then that's even worse!!! And completely selfish!!! You're talking about knowing you're doing something wrong and then just having to 'deal with it' afterwards, but you're only looking at it from your point of view!!! I KNOW I was asking you about how you'd feel in yourself even if the other person didn't find out, but the idea that you know you've done something wrong and just don't care means that you either haven't considered how it might make the other person feel at all, or - worse - and it sounds like this is the case - you've considered it and don't give a shit how they'd feel anyway.

    You might not find it disturbing (but then, you wouldn,t, with no conscience :rolleyes: ), but I do - if at least 2 of you on this forum think it's OK to act like this (cos Lacy seems to agree), then that means multiplied by the population, there are millions and millions of people who think acting like that is just fine too....:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    BUT - if somebody is hitting on me, and they have a boyfriend, I generally wouldn't give a shit and would go with them as to me, that's THEIR problem. THEY are the ones that are attached etc etc and so if THEY are coming onto me, THEY are giving me the green light. Not my problem if they have a bust up about it.

    That is total bullshit!!! If some girl with a boyfriend is coming on to you, that might mean she's up for cheating, which IS essentially their problem, but just because she's cheating doesn't mean it has to be with you!! You could have a direct impact on their relationship that night, and you don't give a fuck? Just go along with it anyway? You don't have to KNOW someone to feel some sense of responsibility towards them, or to realise that what you do has a direct impact on them.

    You're not a kid.....you should know by now that there IS a world besides you....try being part of it and feeling some responsibility.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Agreed with Hanhan. it's not not hesitating to do something that would make one feel bad that makes him/her a twat, it's that they wouldn't feel bad after cheating. People like that should never be in relationships in the first place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    That is total bullshit!!! If some girl with a boyfriend is coming on to you, that might mean she's up for cheating, which IS essentially their problem, but just because she's cheating doesn't mean it has to be with you!! You could have a direct impact on their relationship that night, and you don't give a fuck? Just go along with it anyway? You don't have to KNOW someone to feel some sense of responsibility towards them, or to realise that what you do has a direct impact on them.

    You're not a kid.....you should know by now that there IS a world besides you....try being part of it and feeling some responsibility.

    :lol: You see, I was waiting for somebody to really try having a go about this.

    Different horses for different courses, I'm afraid. If it isn't me, it'll be somebody else. If it ends up having a direct impact on their relationship it's not my problem. Simple as! If she was willing to cheat, then that's her game.

    Put simply, I don't go looking for people who are attached. If I find out they are I certainly don't go chasing them, but if they're clearly on for it/chasing me, well... I couldn't give a monkeys!

    Believe me, I have *plenty* responsibility - the actions of others are not mine though. That's the way of the world. I can't sit around beefing about all the other people in the world if they make a mistake. Not my problem, I'm afraid, and it's CERTAINLY not my responsibility.
    Agreed with Hanhan. it's not not hesitating to do something that would make one feel bad that makes him/her a twat, it's that they wouldn't feel bad after cheating. People like that should never be in relationships in the first place.

    Aye, perhaps *they* shouldn't be in a relationship... But the thing is, I'm single and so I can do pretty much what the fuck I want.
    Then that's even worse!!! And completely selfish!!! You're talking about knowing you're doing something wrong and then just having to 'deal with it' afterwards, but you're only looking at it from your point of view!!! I KNOW I was asking you about how you'd feel in yourself even if the other person didn't find out, but the idea that you know you've done something wrong and just don't care means that you either haven't considered how it might make the other person feel at all, or - worse - and it sounds like this is the case - you've considered it and don't give a shit how they'd feel anyway.

    You might not find it disturbing (but then, you wouldn,t, with no conscience ), but I do - if at least 2 of you on this forum think it's OK to act like this (cos Lacy seems to agree), then that means multiplied by the population, there are millions and millions of people who think acting like that is just fine too....

    Yes I am looking at it from my point of view. If it doesn't directly affect me, it's not going to be weighing on my mind, I'm afraid. There's too much going on in the world for me to have to worry about it all. I'm repeating myself now... The whole thing is that if somebody is prepared to do something in the heat of the moment it's up to THEM to think about it, to consider the impact of their actions, not me. Boo-hoo, some people live with a lot of regrets... Again, not my problem and they shouldn't do things they might regret. Simple as.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Aye, perhaps *they* shouldn't be in a relationship... But the thing is, I'm single and so I can do pretty much what the fuck I want.
    Of course you can. There's no way to cheat when you're single. You'd just be a twat if you weren't and did it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's bad really, I have a fiance and a kid, but I know if I went to Amsterdam and got wrecked on drink and drugs and got come on too by some hottie, then I'd probably nail it.

    Not cool, but I know I would... maybe I'm just weak? Whatever....... I wouldn't trust him lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's bad really, I have a fiance and a kid, but I know if I went to Amsterdam and got wrecked on drink and drugs and got come on too by some hottie, then I'd probably nail it.

    Not cool, but I know I would... maybe I'm just weak? Whatever....... I wouldn't trust him lol.

    Oh god. Your fiance doesn't read the boards does she?


    Generally- If you're in a relationship and you care about them then why would you not give a shit about hurting them through cheating?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's bad really, I have a fiance and a kid, but I know if I went to Amsterdam and got wrecked on drink and drugs and got come on too by some hottie, then I'd probably nail it.

    Not cool, but I know I would... maybe I'm just weak? Whatever....... I wouldn't trust him lol.

    Finally an honest man. Good lad for speaking up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course you can. There's no way to cheat when you're single. You'd just be a twat if you weren't and did it.

    Perhaps!

    Glad that rules me out of that particular pigeon-hole ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    Oh god. Your fiance doesn't read the boards does she?


    Generally- If you're in a relationship and you care about them then why would you not give a shit about hurting them through cheating?


    But if she was never to find out............................... She'd never know, and so would never be hurt.
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Perhaps!

    Glad that rules me out of that particular pigeon-hole ;)
    I never put you into that hole, I was only talking about cheating.

    There's a saying though, "Whoever holds the bug gets bugged". :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    But if she was never to find out............................... She'd never know, and so would never be hurt.

    There is always a chance that she could. I don't wish to sound Jeremy Kyle-ish here but I honestly think if you had any respect for her then you wouldn't do it. Plus if you care about her and want to be with her then why would you want to??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    :lol: You see, I was waiting for somebody to really try having a go about this.

    Different horses for different courses, I'm afraid. If it isn't me, it'll be somebody else. If it ends up having a direct impact on their relationship it's not my problem. Simple as! If she was willing to cheat, then that's her game.

    Put simply, I don't go looking for people who are attached. If I find out they are I certainly don't go chasing them, but if they're clearly on for it/chasing me, well... I couldn't give a monkeys!

    Believe me, I have *plenty* responsibility - the actions of others are not mine though. That's the way of the world. I can't sit around beefing about all the other people in the world if they make a mistake. Not my problem, I'm afraid, and it's CERTAINLY not my responsibility.



    Aye, perhaps *they* shouldn't be in a relationship... But the thing is, I'm single and so I can do pretty much what the fuck I want.



    Yes I am looking at it from my point of view. If it doesn't directly affect me, it's not going to be weighing on my mind, I'm afraid. There's too much going on in the world for me to have to worry about it all. I'm repeating myself now... The whole thing is that if somebody is prepared to do something in the heat of the moment it's up to THEM to think about it, to consider the impact of their actions, not me. Boo-hoo, some people live with a lot of regrets... Again, not my problem and they shouldn't do things they might regret. Simple as.

    :rolleyes: I'm done...why bother? We just don't agree.....just hope you can apply the same "meh - shit happens!" rule if you ever get cheated on....but then sounds like it'll be pretty easy for you not to let your feelings mushroom out of proportion, feel nothing, and happily move onto the next one having learnt absolutely nothing...good luck with that...:rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    :rolleyes: I'm done...why bother? We just don't agree.....just hope you can apply the same "meh - shit happens!" rule if you ever get cheated on....but then sounds like it'll be pretty easy for you not to let your feelings mushroom out of proportion, feel nothing, and happily move onto the next one having learnt absolutely nothing...good luck with that...:rolleyes:

    Hey - I've already said that I've been cheated on, read back through it. Aye, it wasn't super nice, but I didn't think it was that big a deal! We just moved on and the guilt *she* suffered was enough 'punishment' for her.

    Aye, we shall have to agree to disagree, girly. I know your post above was meant in a rather sarcastic manner, but believe me, I just don't let things like that get to me! Just the way I am. I don't hold grudges (I did when I was much younger, but I grew up), life's just too short.

    Quick hypothetical question. If I met you in a bar, I was single, you were attached and yet you still chose to pursue things for the night. Who would be in the wrong? You or I?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    There is always a chance that she could. I don't wish to sound Jeremy Kyle-ish here but I honestly think if you had any respect for her then you wouldn't do it. Plus if you care about her and want to be with her then why would you want to??

    Aye, there is, but if it's a lads weekend away, chances are they're *all* up to mischief and so if one blabs, they're all fucked. It ain't gonna happen.

    I know what you're saying (Jeremy Kyle stylee), but some people still like to play whilst they're away!

    For reference, I'm not one of them, in that respect.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline! No morality! No respect! New ForestPosts: 14,928 Part of the furniture
    I would only go to Amsterdam for one thing and it aint the weed. Most blokes I know would pay a visit to the RL district to be honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I never put you into that whole, I was only talking about cheating.

    There's a saying though, "Whoever holds the bug gets bugged". :p

    :lol:

    Aye...
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    :lol:

    Aye...
    I meant "hole" btw, typo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I meant "hole" btw, typo.

    Don't worry, I was with you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow. It surprises me how many people are willing to cheat on their partners.

    If you want to sleep around, you should stay single. I don't think there is ever an excuse for cheating. I think that if you feel tempted to cheat alot, then you clearly aren't happy in your relationship.

    Whenever I've had guys come on to me when I've been in a relationship, I've not been miserable by saying no and its not been hard to say no. If I ever did cheat (which I don't think I ever will), I know I'd feel terrible about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm, I do get what the others are trying to say. I'm probably talking from a different perspective, but I don't see it as much as wanting to 'cheat' more like just having sex with someone else. And before I don the flame retardant suit with people kindly pointing out definitions etc, I'm talking in context with being more concerned that someone was going to be emotionally unfaithful (i.e. being in love with someone else) rather than physically unfaithful. To me it isn't a big deal, but to others it is, but I guess I'm in the minority.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was thinking about this as I was falling asleep last night...

    Using this Amsterdam situation as the case in point, I don't believe the lads going over there actually *see* going with a prostitute as cheating (regardless what people may think here). I think it's just seen as something to do as 'one of the lads' etc etc and so it isn't viewed in such a harsh light.

    Also, with it being legal out there, the seedy side of it is toned down somewhat and so therefore is acceptable.

    Hmmmm...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go_away wrote: »
    Hmm, I do get what the others are trying to say. I'm probably talking from a different perspective, but I don't see it as much as wanting to 'cheat' more like just having sex with someone else. And before I don the flame retardant suit with people kindly pointing out definitions etc, I'm talking in context with being more concerned that someone was going to be emotionally unfaithful (i.e. being in love with someone else) rather than physically unfaithful. To me it isn't a big deal, but to others it is, but I guess I'm in the minority.

    Ah you posted before I did. Bah.

    But yes, join our little club. :)

    I briefly touched upon the emotional side of things not being involved when guys/girls get up to whatever, and so hence is not cheating in some people's minds.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can see both sides here, but I think the issues of sleeping around within a relationship and sleeping around while single are so hugely different that it doesn't make a jot of sense that they're being discussed in parallel.

    Anyway, halt the bus, shagging a prostitute in Amsterdam as an extra-curricular activity outside your relationship is alright because it's "what lads do" and they don't see it as cheating? It might be what men on here do and it may well be the opinion of a great wealth of blokes but don't paint it as some inaliable truth.

    There's nothing wrong with sleeping around with a 'fuck the consequences' attitude when those consequences only effect you, but when you have a girlfriend/boyfriend it becomes a whole other ballgame. I slept around loads when I was younger and didn't give a damn about it because I knew what I wanted and didn't have to consider the feelings of anyone else. I wouldn't dream of doing it now despite my attitude to sex still being what it was, I've made an elective decision to commit and not to cheat. If I still wanted to be arsing around with other men or women then I wouldn't have entered into an exclusive relationship. I think it is utterly selfish to sleep with anyone else, unless it is something that is known and agreed to by both partners.

    I certainly don't think cheating is made better or justifiable by the lack of emotional involvement. Talk about cheapening the concept of relationships, it might even be worse to randomly sleep with someone than it would be to develop an emotional connection with someone other than your partner. I think it would hurt more, but at least it wouldn't essentially comprise throwing your relationship away because you needed to dip your wick.

    Anyway, as for trusting this bloke in Amsterdam... the Amsterdam part is irrelevant. You can either trust him... or you can't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol:

    Well, there's another take on the situation.

    The thread did digress somewhat (my bad...) with regards being single/in a relationship...

    BUT - your final sentence sums it up nicely: You can either trust him... or you can't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote: »
    Anyway, halt the bus, shagging a prostitute in Amsterdam as an extra-curricular activity outside your relationship is alright because it's "what lads do" and they don't see it as cheating?
    I wonder how many of the blokes would be happy to find out that their girlfriends had hired a bunch of strippers and then shagged them while on holiday? After all, she's only being one of the girls. I reckon a lot of them have the "what happens on holiday stays on holiday" when it comes to their own holiday, but are fucking hypocrites when the subject of their girlfriend shagging other blokes abroad comes up. Fair enough if your girlfriend knows you have this attitude and accepts it, but going behind her back about it is completely shitty. Grow a pair of balls you pussy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wonder how many of the blokes would be happy to find out that their girlfriends had hired a bunch of strippers and then shagged them while on holiday? After all, she's only being one of the girls. I reckon a lot of them have the "what happens on holiday stays on holiday" when it comes to their own holiday, but are fucking hypocrites when the subject of their girlfriend shagging other blokes abroad comes up. Fair enough if your girlfriend knows you have this attitude and accepts it, but going behind her back about it is completely shitty. Grow a pair of balls you pussy.

    You miss the point - 'the rule' *is* used by both sexes, not just guys and so your point is pretty much invalid.

    The way I see it, is that if somebody *lives* by the rule, they *die* by it too. Simple concept.

    It's up to the individual (or group, if they're in that mentality) what they do.

    Oh, and was the pussy comment directed at me?
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