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Teenage drug abuser

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Does anyone out there have any advise for a
single mom that wants to know what to do for
her daughter, 15yrs. old that has a drug and alcohol problem. She also cuts herself, among
other things. If she doesn't think she has a problem, or want to stop, am I just beating a dead horse trying to get her into some kind of treatment?? Please advise!
Thanks,
Sue
[email protected]

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hellohilo:
    Does anyone out there have any advise for a
    single mom that wants to know what to do for
    her daughter, 15yrs. old that has a drug and alcohol problem. She also cuts herself, among
    other things. If she doesn't think she has a problem, or want to stop, am I just beating a dead horse trying to get her into some kind of treatment?? Please advise!
    Thanks,
    Sue
    [email protected]

    Hi Hellohilo (great name)

    Sounds like a horrible situation to be in, my children are only 5 & 7 so as yet I haven't had to worry about things like that.

    So my advise is purely speculative, but I thought I'd get the ball rolling.

    You might alienate your daughter if you try to push her into treatment, but then again...she may thank you for it later on in life. What is your current relationship with her like?

    There have been some previous postings from people who "self-harm" I'll try to find some for you & post the link/s later, and there are plenty of posts about drugs!!

    What sort of drugs does she have a problem with, or rather, at this stage, do you have a problem with?

    I hope that you get some response from other people on the board, I'm sure you will.

    by the way, how did you find your way to TheSite ?

    J9 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have a look at this topic on the forum http://www.thesite.org/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000007.html

    I hope that Lolly sees your question, she may be able to give you some insight.

    Good luck
    J9

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hiya, really sorry to hear about the situation u r in <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
    Thanx j9j9, will try my best to give u some help.
    Im only 18 myself but was quite bably on drugs and self harmed too. I know how the poor girl must b feeling and also her mum (is that u??) as I saw what it did to my mum.
    The real problem isnt the drugs or self harm, there must b something else underlying and as soon as that gets sorted then the rest will follow. Thats why its important to get her into some kind of treatment.
    Its really difficult though, coz only she can really help herself. I strongly advise u to look into getting her some hospital treatment. My mum put me in an adolescent psychiatric unit and it was the best thing she could have done for me (although I didnt see that while I was there).I blamed her and hated her while I was in there, but when I got better I soon realised why she done it and Im sure she will too.
    Unfortunatly the place itself didnt work miracles and I still had problems after, they cant offer a guaranteed recovery!
    But just being in there, even though I didnt work with them, made me see how important life is. Being in a ghospital all day everyday has that effect!
    I hope this has been a bit helpfull. Just talk to her first and try and get her to get help herself, failing that u should get the help for her.
    Ill keep my fingers crossed for u both <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a friend at school whop got in the exactly the same situation, same age, the drug abuse and cutting herself real badly on the arms. I really cant say how she worked things out, I think she ended up leaving scholl n fucking up badly b4 getting help.
    Now shes off pretty much everything n sorted herself out real good.
    A lot of us were messed up with drugs, she seemed to get herself in an older crowd, an older boyfriend who didnt treat her right n started to get the psycological shit.
    I'm not sure thers much u can do about it, let the schol know for a start cos I know she ot a lot of help from there.
    It's a difficult situation to be in as a ,other cos I know she wont listen, u cn try doing n e thing but I doubt she'll listen n the more she gets told what to do the more she'll rebel against it.
    If she wont go to therapy. mayb u shpuld and ask advice from a professional about the problem cos ther's drug abuse which is one thing but the cutting is totally another, Id be more worried bout the cuting than the drugs simply cos I been on drugs and a lot of my friends were, n didnt have to many problems, but the other girl she seemed totally different to us, her family tried loads of stuff, she left home, dont know n e thing from what happened after she left school.
    I really would seek professional help though n if that comes up with nothing force her into to care, sounds harsh but will be best for her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I first started taking drugs it was because I was experimenting at first but I know now that after a while it was because I felt good when I was on them and felt like the friends I was taking them with were showing me a kind of love I didnt get when i was really young. I told my mum about everything I was doing at the time and she never did anything about it. This really hurt me because in a way I was reaching out for her to help me and she didn't.

    I think it is great when people have parents who really want to help thier children through problems.

    Good Luck and I hope everything goes OK for you and your family.
    xxx
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hellohilo,

    I notice that you live in the US, which presents some problems for you. You don't have universal (free) healthcare like we do on Canada and the UK. I hope you have insurance that will cover your daughter's treatment, because rehab programs cost $20,000 plus for a one month residential program.(At least that what they cost when I lived in the States and was looking for treatment.

    Assuming you can get treatment for her, force her to do it. She is still a minor, and you are responsible for her. Yes, she will resist, but she obviously needs help and is unaware of it.Would you rather have a child who resents you temporarily, or have a dead child? Get help.

    Also, I would suggest looking for a "concurrent disorders" program (sometimes called "dual diagnosis" programs. These treat both the addictions and the psychiatric conditions at the same time.
    I am currently in one here in Canada, and it is wonderful.

    Good luck, and keep us up to date.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you all for your help! I am still struggling with my daughter to get her to school, and etc. She is still in denial, and not willing to get help. Her dad is going to have her live with him next month. That should be interesting! He has no clue what he is in for!!!!
    Thanks again,
    Much love,
    SUE
    [email protected]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do u think it's possible that she could be having trouble at school?

    I was abusing solvents and cutting myself when I was in school because I was being bullied.

    I've had councilling for a year now and I've found that most of my problems stemmed down to depression. Maybe your daughter has a similar problem?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try and be close to her if possible, be there for her and let her talk (but don't make her talk). Make her feel how much you love her, and give her support in resolving whatever problems are making her unhappy, and empowering her to solve them herself rather than trying to do everything for her.

    I know all that can help. Everybody's different though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Once again thank you to all !
    I am just beside myself! I can't get her to get up for school, she wants to die, and I do too! I can't take the stress of seeing her hurting herself, and flushing her life down the toilet. You can only miss 10 days per semester here, and she is way over that. So I feel as though she is throwing her future away. Should I just ???????????/
    Thanks,
    Sue
    (You all are much better advise givers then the USA)
    [email protected]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have u tried speaking to any of her friends??
    ur daughter wont like it but u can get a better picture of whats going on, n let her friends know whats really going on. They'll probably tell her to sort it out... n if it's coming from both sides she might listen.

    Have u spoken to the school yet?? If not u really got to, let them know whats going on.. they'll offer advice n give her special concessions b4 chucking her out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have u checked if she listens to marilyn manson, could be the cause.

    seriously.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, i dont really know what to say, but i felt i had to say something. I too am 15 yrs old, but have never tried drugs, and i hope i wont. But yeah, the thing with marilyn manson, he sort of brain washes people. I think that if i was in her situation, yeah i would hate you at first for puttin me in for treatment, but in the long run, you are saving her life, so when she gets clean she will thank you. Ignore everything she says to you, when she is saying she dont wanna go, and if she says she hates u, etc. cause its not her saying it, its the drugs. I advise you to get her some help, but thats just my advice, i dont know how other people feel.

    Keep the Vibe!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Watching someone harm themselves in front of you is the worst isn't it. Just keep strong for her, breaking down all the time won't make her feel any better if she feels she's to blame and has to cope with that too. Try and hide stuff she could hurt herself with, leaving scissors / combs / knives etc in sight can be a really bad idea <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    If you can't get her professional help, maybe she really needs to get away from it all for a bit? Not necessarily actually travel somewhere completely different (though it might help), just not go to school, do some different stuff - new sport or volunteer work, can make u feel good - and have time to settle down and relax.

    It's probably worth talking to teachers at her school anyway (if you haven't already) and you could find out whether it's feasible just to skip a year and carry on later. This might be a good idea anyway seeing as she's missed so much already. Don't worry too much about education etc. and her future right now, it's less important than her happiness and she can always carry on later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you JB!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would leave the school thing for just now and not even worry about it to be honest. I no that sounds stupid, but I just think that her not going to school is the least of the problems here. She really needs to sort herself out and not worry about the school thing, coz in the scheme of things her life is more important than her learning.
    How old is she again? Im sure that being under 18 means that u can get her admitted somewhere whenter she likes it or not? I was threatened with being sectioned and so I ended up admitting myself as I really didnt fancy being sectioned. Im not sure about how things go in America in terms of sectioning. Maybe u could find out?
    I really feel for u with all of this as I no its so hard but u have to stay strong for her because if U crumble then she will most definatly follow. That sounds like a big thing to put on u but its true, u need to be there for her and encourage her coz it feels so lonely when u get as low as your daughter is (trust me, I no).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again!
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