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Am I a twat?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Well somebody very close to me is in the shit and needs money (but I know they can give it back)... Only London is so expensive and my savings are going (I'm £300 overdrawn when I shouldn't be, my bank won't extend my other overdaft).
Basically I txt the guy, I need the money but I don't want to ruin his life if he can't afford rent. He's offered to give it me in cash when he gets his loan through but I don't want him to get hurt.
Am I being a horrible selfish person?
Well somebody very close to me is in the shit and needs money (but I know they can give it back)... Only London is so expensive and my savings are going (I'm £300 overdrawn when I shouldn't be, my bank won't extend my other overdaft).
Basically I txt the guy, I need the money but I don't want to ruin his life if he can't afford rent. He's offered to give it me in cash when he gets his loan through but I don't want him to get hurt.
Am I being a horrible selfish person?
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Comments
If you are... then tread carefully. Don't feel obliged to! It's your money and at the end of the day if you can afford to lend it to people that's fine, but you come first!
If you aren't... same answer. Your bank balance is -£300, so you just can't afford to lend him the dosh. Nothing horrible or selfish about that at all
Tell him to go fuck himself.
That's very true. If you could take the money out of your pocket/account/kincker draw, throw it away and be OK with that then lend him the money, if not don't. Don't be sorry because you can't lend someone some money, however much they need it.
I think youre well within your rights to demand it back. Hes had plenty of time. Its not his money, its yours. If he was a real friend, he would have given it back ages ago so dont shed any tears over his financial circumstances when hes not giving a shit about yours.
:yes: I only lend money to people I know who will give back to me and only if I can afford to go without that money for a week or so.
Agreed.
TBH, if it was only a tiny amount like 20p then I personally wouldn't be that botyhered if it wasn't given back to me, but if it was quite alot then I would be bothered about it.
No, she's saying that she's been taken for a mug before so now she's wary of going down the same route again with someone else. And I don't blame her.
Nameste, it sounds like you REALLY can't afford it. Whilst it's commendable to help out other people, you don't have to sacrifice your own interests completely to do so. It's ok if you can't help.
Ah right. Got it now.
And just for the record, when my inheritence comes through in October if you're having any problems, then all you need to do is ask, you know I trust you'll pay it back when you can.
:yes: Spot on. Don't feel bad about it, sometimes you can't afford to help, don't get yourself into problems by feeling obliged.
No it isn't.
It's a family member who will be able to pay it back...
But the guy who fucked me over, I've told him the situation and he's offered it me in cash on Thursday when we both get our loans (so I'll have my loan by then). Then I don't want to see him again because he's done the lowest thing you could ever do to a mate.
I guess... Apparently his parents have given him a huge wad of cash and he's always out, even more than I canafford to go out. I don't think he's as hard up as he makes out he is.
I lend fivers and tenners to my mates all the time but I'd never give them loads of cash unless there was some really good excuse, and going out all the time in one of the most expensive cities in the world just doesn't cut it for me.
What bollocks, I'm not in this situation because I go out all the time, I haven't been out for well over three months, I'm basically homeless and being pressured for money I can't afford to give on a weekly basis by the guy who I'm staying with, who originally said he'd help me out as a mate rent free. It has nothing to do with going out too much mate.
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Well apologies then to Chaos.
(Correct me if I'm wrong, anyone).
No that right. Shes lent money to someone else and not got it back yet, so shes short of money and she seems to be a bit hesitent to lend any high amounts of money out again.
Person X in the other thread is the one who I need the money back from, the other person was my brother who needs the money.
Person X is the obne who goes out all the time.
i thought it was about her brother?
or is chaos her brother?
Now a "mate" (Mr X) embezzled charity money I gave him to "give to his parents" (poor poor hard up parents, so hard up they're off to Mexico soon!), that was £500. Then after we got back from the volunteer trip he admitted that he'd stolen it and he needed the amount again because he'd bought a ticket off another mate's Mum's credit card (and that made had to go to see their dad in Egypt).
he was crying and shit and because I know what it's like to be hard up, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He said I'd get the money back asap... It is April and I still haven't.
He's out more often than I am though, I'm sorry... But when you owe money you don't go out in to London, you save it and give it back. I don't give a shit what he thinks he should do, if I were in his position as somebody who was so low as to steal off a mate then I would work three jobs to get it back.
Anyway, my brother is in the shit and needs the cash, but I can't give it until that thief gives me the money back.
Wha I was asking is that if he gets in the shit financially, is it my fault?
your family, you should help out when and if you can
but if you cant, they should understand that you cant and respect that
by the sounds of it, the money you give your brother will only help him short term, £300 will help FOR now, but not in the long run, what is he gonna do next time he needs money? i dont mean that in a harsh way, but something needs to be sorted out long term, £300 doesnt go very far
horrid situation
good luck to both of ya
Namaste, it sounds like you really trust your brother, and I'm sure you can come to a sound arrangement if you can afford the money. However, Chaos' first posts also suggest he'll understand if you can't afford to help him. So try not to feel guilty if the guy from the past incident doesn't pull through. You're certainly not a selfish person.
On a more serious note... Chaos, have you been to an advice agency about your housing situation? TheSite's article on homelessness has lots of useful links. Hope it helps.
Take care.